Days 2 and 3!

Brittany and I at the Trevi

First "full" day

Yesterday was awesome, although I imagine everyday from now on to be so! I slept in late to get over jet lag (til noon) but then I had some fun witnessing God's providence. The AVI does apostolate (ministers to) with the study abroad students of St. Thomas University (I'm not sure which one) and at the end of the semester, the students donate their extra goods to both the Sisters and male branch. This includes mens/womens clothes, foods, toiletries, and other things such as laundry detergent. The girls in formation brought it home and immediately started sifting through it to find what may fit them or will remind them of home (i.e. peanut butter). It was especially beautiful to see them grab an item and immediately think of one of their Consorelle who they knew would love it according to their style. I suppose one learns a lot about a person when living with them in a foreign country.
After a hearty Italian lunch (pasta of course) and midday prayer, Brittany and I set off to see some of the Roman sites. First stop was the Piazza del Popolo which contained a church (Santa Maria del Popolo) that contained three ORIGINAL Coravaggio paintings. I can't express enough my excitement at seeing originals. In America, there hardly are any originals and the things we have originals of usually don't surpass 200 years old so this was a special treat! Next up were the Spanish Steps but honestly they weren't quite as impressive as I would have imagined. Just a bunch of steps with a bunch of people on them. And worst of all the beautiful church atop of them was being renovated so it was covered by scaffolding. One of my favorite stops was Bernini's Fontagna di Trevi (a.k.a. the Trevi Fountain). It was so huge! How did one guy have such vision and ability to make something like that perfectly to scale?! Also, Bernini is all over Rome. I don't know how he had enough time to make all of these beautiful sculptures and architectural structures. As I told Brittany, I wish I could just have 2 minutes alone with the fountain. It was so crowded it was ridiculous but yet it was still beyond anything I can describe. Pictures can't do it justice. I wish I could show you how it looked from my eyes. Brittany and I talked about how before the technology we have today, people went out and experienced things. They didn't stay home and watch a tv or computer screen but took walks and had real conversations without a digital mediator. And those that traveled had sketches made or did them themselves which better capture what they saw and how they felt when they saw it. The pictures I took/will take on my iPhone, as good as they may turn out, can't do that. They can't convey the awe I felt at these buildings still standing after centuries or even millenniums. They can't express my excitement at actually seeing the original works of famous artists. They say a picture's worth a thousand words but no amount of words is enough. It is quite a conundrum but I'll do my best to help y'all understand my experiences.
After seeing the Trevi Fountain with Brittany, I was handed off to Tatum with whom I saw the Pantheon, and three other beautiful churches. The Pantheon, which was originally a Roman pagan temple was converted to a Christian Church around the time that Christianity was legalized in Rome. The structure is out of this world. The dome constructed at its top is said to be un-constructible even with today's technology. Also, the first Italian King, Vittorio Emmanuelle, and the painter Raphael are buried in the Pantheon. Next we visited the Church that houses St. Catherine of Siena's body. Ironically enough, her head is in Siena. The story goes that upon her death in Rome, Rome wanted to keep her body so someone from Siena stole her head and transported it in a bag of roses. This is why she is sometimes depicted with roses. The body in this church was not displayed but her head actually can be viewed in Siena. Another church we went to was that of St. Agnes and in the a back room in the corner of the church there was reliquary that held the skull of St. Agnes. She must have been very young at her death however because the skull was tiny. Finally we finished our tour at the "Gesu'" which means Jesus. This church housed altars to many Jesuits, understandably so. St. Ignatius had a side altar with a moving painting that reveal a large statue of him in glory adorned with jewels and gold finishes. We walked in just in time to see its unveiling. Otherwise we would not have even known there was a painting. At the opposite side of the church was the right hand of St. Francis for it is said that with this hand he baptized so many people.
There was so much in each church with side altars and chapels that I felt like I saw many places by entering through one pair of doors. Churches literally are in every corner of Rome. There were two that were just across the narrow road from each other. It's beautiful! I've never walked so much and been around so many relics and it was only one afternoon! We got back just in time for mass. Thank you metro. Apparently there was no public transportation strike today.
My favorite part about the whole day was just being in Italy. It seriously is, in a way, just like the States. People living their every day lives but just doing so in Italian with slightly different customs. Hearing little kids talk is my favorite I must admit. That's something I never heard in the classroom and surely not from the few Italians that live in College Station. I have to constantly remind myself while here that I am in Rome. Sono qui. Sono a Roma.

First actual full day

I call this my first actual full day because I was awake for all of it.
I got up at 7:15 and had breakfast in time to observe the fast for 8:30 am mass. After mass I prayed a little more and set off to do some more sight seeing with Sr. Janel. Because of my great devotion to her, I asked to go see the icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. In order to get there we took the tram and the metro so I had my first subway experience! It wasn't glamorous by any means but it gave me a chance to get a feel for some city people's day-to-day and I love that kind of immersion.
The church of Our Lady of Perpetual Help was very beautiful. Much more humble than that of the others I had seen although not humble at all compared to many in the U.S. It had a richer color palette with deeper hues of blues, reds, and greens rather than mostly gold and white. We stopped and prayed for a bit in the back of the church. What looked like a pilgrimage was having mass (in English) so we couldn't get to close to the icon but I saw it and she was beautiful. I can't wait to go back and spend some longer time in prayer another day. Next Sr. Janel needed to clarify something with her phone company Vodafone so we crossed the street and took care of that. I didn't understand too much but again it was a chance to experience the day-to-day in Italian.
After this we walked just down the block to St. Mary Major which is one of the major basilicas in Rome and a favorite of Papa Francesco's. It was massive! The side chapels were literally more adorned and extravagant than all the main churches I've seen in the States and even some of those I've seen during these days in Rome. The ceiling was covered in gold taken from the Americas at the request of Isabel and Ferdinand of Spain during their rule as a gift to adorn the basilica which had been there long before their birth. And coolest of all, directly under the main altar was a relic of the manger of Christ. Now, the history of this relic is, of course, contested BUT this is still considered a sacramental and has been venerated by the Church for a long time. It is undeniable that its presence reminds one very sharply of the true humanity and humility of Christ in that He would take on human flesh and come to this earth as a baby truly vulnerable and completely dependent on His parents. Then, it was almost lunch and Sr. Janel needed to meet with some of the girls for a lunch outing so she gave me some direction and I confidently strolled down the street alone. We were at the bus station and I had the option of taking two buses to get me to the house. When I first came to Rome I took one bus which made its last stop near the house so it was impossible to miss it. This time I accepted the challenge and took the bus that required me to request the stop. I simply kept an eye out for the Auditorium that is directly across from the old Olympic village and pressed it when it came into view. Not too bad for a newbie eh?
Returning here I made it just in time for a great lunch. One of the vowed Sisters (who all returned last night), Simona, engaged me in conversation and I was forced to whip out my 4 semesters of Italian. It didn't go so bad. After a little while I got more into it and felt a bit more comfortable. I shared the story of the Aggie Wildcat (of all things) and I explained my major and such. This was quite enjoyable but painful all the same because I realized that I cannot express myself in the same way that I can with my native tongue. I also noticed that I am extremely hard on myself grammar wise because after 4 semesters I know basically all of the grammar but I haven't had enough experience using the grammar in spontaneous conversational Italian. Thus, I don't use it correctly or take too long to do so. Anyways, as they keep telling me, it'll come. I must grow in patience and humility which I am starting to think is going to be less of a choice and merely a result of this summer. For me this was followed by a holy hour and then, being Saturday (a.k.a. market day) I got to partake in the vegetable cleaning a preserving process. Whichever girls are on market duty this week go to the market after lunch and are given leftover vegetables that wouldn't make it very far next week. These, plus those brought later in the day by the male branch, are cleaned and put away for the meals the following week. Most of my time was spent going through the greens and throwing out what was bad while others cleaned and cooked them to be frozen for later use. This I did with Nancy who doesn't speak any English. Thankfully this didn't result in just a quiet working station but rather, with great patience, she and I talked with each other asking about our families and schooling. It was a rather nice conversation and I felt very comfortable with it. I actually quiet enjoyed the fact that I could not just easily clarify what I meant by saying it in English and that if I couldn't finish a sentence for lack of vocabulary I had to do make-shift sign language or start a new sentence in a different way. It is what I anticipate to be doing more of during my month of study in Camerino. This being said, the Lord answered my prayers by helping to boost my confidence.
When that was finished, I came here to my room to write out this blog. Vespers and meditation is at 6:45 followed by "cena" (supper) and an outing with some of the girls. We are going to the Roman Seminary to watch an Italian play put on by the Seminarians. Ruth and I are going early because the group is too large to fit in the car. We are taking the metro. I volunteered since I've only been on the metro once but in a car thousands of times. I am quite excited for this evening. I don't anticipate to understand much of what is said but I think it will be fun just to go out and see some more stuff as well as a bit of the night life of Roma.
That's all I have for you now though I am afraid. But be assured that the Lord is taking great care of me. I am enjoying my time immensely and look forward to the more experiences to come.

The right hand of St. Francis Xavior

the (headless) body of St. Catherine of Siena

The Adventure Begins!

The Waiting Game

I was blessed with two beautiful days with my big brother immersing myself in the culture of his life, experiencing his prayer life and enjoying the company of his friends. Today, I got to the airport early and refusing to sit, walked around exploring terminal E. I received an unexpected call from some of the Apostles who are currently at their Catholic Spiritual Mentorship Program in Kansas City. I have been an "intern" there the past two sessions and my heart is quite upset and misses all of the program's participants and Sisters since I am not there this week. It was pure joy to hear some of the Sisters' voices and to be assured of their prayers for me. Following this, Mom and I had a short and sweet phone call, I bought a bagel from Einstein Brothers (with the grand idea of eating half before and half after my flight that cuts right thru lunch), and finally...I boarded. Joining me on the flight is a nice mother and son duo reading aloud to each other. The mother so generously offered me one of her magazines and so now I bury my nose in Martha Stewart's Living praying that my travel sickness medicine kicks in real soon. (11:00am - take off Dallas)

Goodbye good ole USofA

After a rushed stay at the Atlanta airport including a quick stop and eat at McDonald's (don't hate the McNuggets!) and a short wait at gate E10, I am on board Delta flight 0240 to Rome, Italy. (Insert nervous/excited laugh here). Many emotions are surging through me right now. Excitement, fading disbelief as it gets more real, nerves, fear. I also have two opposing desires of getting off this flight. Part of me hates that it's sooo long (especially since my pills didn't terminate all of the motion sickness during the last flight) and the other part of me doesn't want to land because then the reality sets in and I have to start speaking the language I've been studying. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about doing so but I expect flawless performance from myself especially with 4 semesters under my belt and I cringe at the thought of the painful growth in humility I will soon undergo. But virtue is always good and I definitely need more of that one.
Sitting here on this huge plane, an Airbus 330 (shoutout to my aerospace engineer (i.e. Rocket scientist) brother!), I feel very well taken care of. My seat came with a pillow and blanket. Each seat has its own tv screen with a USB and earphone plug-in capability, and at its widest point, the plane has a row of 2 then 4 then 2! I'm used to flying in planes with 3 - 2 and even 2 - 1. Also, my inexperience with flying says take all the "free" stuff. "Ear phones? Eye mask?" "Yes, please. Both."
I'm currently texting my brother (referred to from now on by his name: Brandon) furiously as if I won't talk to him ever again and I didn't download the wifi capable texting apps already, but turning this phone on airplane mode is gonna be one of the hardest things I've done yet. It's like sealing the deal and seemingly cutting off contact! And I did it! My phone is permanently (for the next two months at least) on airplane mode. At least my battery life will be good! You can reach me on Facebook, my blog, whatsapp, or viber. Oh my gosh we're moving. The plane is moving and the flight attendant repeats everything in Italian. This is getting real y'all! (3:55 take off Atlanta)


the last of Brandon and my's texts...haha

Up Here With the Stars

Well, according to my personal screen, there is 1 hr and 38 minutes left of my flight. I've done nothing I said I'd do (namely study and sleep). However, I have managed to watch a movie, 3 tv episodes, and sleepily prayed the rosary. Most appropriately I was only able to restfully shut my eyes in Mother Mary's arms. I first watched Saving Mr. Banks which was quite incredible and I highly recommend it. Although, I came near to tears too much for a plane full of complete strangers. I pulled the randomly look out the window and rub my "itching" left eye trick a couple times. And I don't think I was discovered! Then I enjoyed an hour of The Mentalist but most pleasing of all (sorry Patrick Jane) I finally heeded the advice of my much loved former roommate and watched two episodes of Sherlock. I couldn't just watch one. It really is a very captivating tv series. The length of each episode makes it basically a movie allowing much time for plot development without loose strings to make it work. There are endless twists to keep your mind working (as Sherlock would consider perfectly normal activity), and I gave up figuring out the true story ten minutes in to the first episode. Anyways, all this to encourage you to seek it out. It's on Netflix.
During one of my attempts at hiding tears I looked out and found myself flying amongst the stars. Of course it makes perfect sense that it would be night time over the Atlantic but my internal clock still expected evening at most. Despite my morning-person tendencies, I've always been a lover of the night sky and this magic carpet ride did not disappoint. We were above the clouds so they couldn't obscure my view and with my motion sickness pills working (finally) I could look out longer than 2 minutes with no side effects. Seeing the stars I pondered their distance. They looked just as small as they do from the Earth. How vast is this universe He's created, and how much more vast is the Creator Himself. Sadly I missed the transition from day to night but as I now fly over Europe (gasp) I watch as morning is born over France. And what a beautiful morning The Lord has granted us. Well, has granted Europe because according to Texas time which is 10:42 if I calculate correctly, most of you haven't even gone to bed yet!
Oh man here come the cleaning wipes, must be time for yet another meal. I've eaten more on this flight...haha but hey, like I said earlier, this girl ain't turning nothing down. I'm getting my money's worth out of this. Plus I'm thinking its a safe bet to call this my last meal til lunch. And I'm also thinking it would have been good to get some sleep during the flight. It's gonna be a long day and jet lag is not gonna be fun, but know what will be fun? Being in Rome! And not just being in Rome but being there with the much loved House of Formation of the Apostles of the Interior Life. What a relief it'll be to see familiar faces in a foreign land! I just have navigate my way to their apartment but I have their address and bus numbers. How hard could it be, right? Well, I'm thinking I have enough time to sneak in another tv episode so I bid you farewell until my next blog entry later today. Hopefully I'll get this posted soon. Currently it's a note on my iPhone. Thank you copy and paste. (5:50 am - flying over France)

 

 Landing

A few minutes before landing, the guy next to me started to ask if I'd been to Rome before and my intentions upon coming here. He then preceded to tell me that he works for the State Department and has been on Detail for Condoleezza Rice and Hilary Clinton in his career and is currently touring around the world taking security assessments of the US Embassies. He was very nice and, very interested, I asked many a question until we parted ways.
Ironically enough, the first thing I see when we land in Roma and I push up my window screen are square bails. Wait what? This is not exactly what I expected. However, the airport had to be built outside of town because there is no room in it. Later I saw round bales too.
As far as feelings go, this about sums it up: "wow I'm here!" Now, I am just trying to play it cool and not look too tourist-y. I am also trying my italian out a bit and forcing myself to think in italian. Aside from this typing of course. First italian sentence said in Italy, spoken while holding out my pre-bought bus ticket: "dove vado?". Phew! Got that over with! Currently I'm on a bus waiting to be transported to termini station which is in the city's center. I'm excited to drive through the city. Then I have to buy a bus ticket to get to the house of formation. That'll test some speaking  and navigating the Train station skills but I'm up to the challenge. Excited to be here! Ready for the journey to begin and praying that my guardian angel be with me through it all! (8:42 am - Roma)

'Living the Roman lifestyle'

Getting here, the Apostles' House of Formation, turned out not to be too bad. I had to search a bit for the place to buy the bus tickets after arriving at Termini Station but once I did that there were many signs clearly indicating where to get onto the correct bus. Once on the bus I felt more secure in my traveling. I knew that it was just a matter of time before I would be greeted by someone who knew my name. Tatum filled that role and was especially good to me this day. After showing me around and making sure I was settled, she invited me on a rosary walk and meditation to a nearby park which we just returned from. At 11:30, I did my Holy Hour and thanked Jesus for guiding me safely here. I know that without His help (urged on by the prayers of many of you - thanks by the way) I would not have felt so confident and comfortable with making my way to this place alone. Fr. Salvatore Scorza, the founder of the Apostles of the Interior Life (AVI - as I may refer to them later) stopped in the chapel and delighted me with a short conversation around 12:30. I was nervous at first but his welcoming nature and genuine smiled quelled all fears rather quickly. At our conversation's end, I returned to the apartment of the AVI (Padre lives across the hall) for lunch and I was welcomed by none other than the beautiful girls in formation that I met back home (Kalin, Brittany, and Katie). I also got to meet Ruth and Francesca. Two other girls living at the house were and still are out doing apostolate today. Lunch was...you guessed it...pasta! Finished off with salad and a bowl of fruit. Brittany and I had a nice conversation over the dishes after midday prayer and then I finally retired to my room for a short nap. I allowed myself 30 minutes just to rejuvenate. I fear that if I let myself sleep I won't get up and I need to align my body with the sleep schedule of this place which is 6 hrs ahead of mine back home. After that nap and a nice chat with Kalin, Tatum and I set off on that rosary walk and meditation. It is such a beautiful day with the bright sun high in the sky, a few puffy white clouds for good measure, and a refreshing wind to keep off the heat. A perfect day for a walk in a mostly shaded park. On the way back we ran into Joel (one of the two seminarians for the AVI male branch). I met Joel last August when he and Alex (the other seminarian) visited St. Mary's in College Station along with Sr. Janel and Katie. And finally, Tatum and I found ourselves back here where I sit at the desk of Sr. Janel who is out with the other vowed Sisters during their annual spiritual exercises. I think they will return tomorrow but I am not certain. Until mass at 7, I think I am free to do whatever. Thus, I chose this although arguably I should be studying up on a little Italian since I have a placement test coming up on Monday. I think I'll get to see more of Rome tomorrow and for that I am super excited. (6:09 pm - House of Formation)

First Impressions

(1) God is good! My mediation today was over the day's Gospel (Mt 28:16-20) which speaks of the apostles' perseverance through doubt that led them to the Risen Christ. This reminded me that even when I am worried or having second thoughts according to the butterflies fluttering in my stomach about something I've prayed over and discerned, going towards it in trust and obedience is the first step towards the door that leads ever closer to Christ. When we feel that our spirit is troubled, we should draw near to Him and allow Him to reveal to us His glory. We should not succumb to our human weaknesses and fall away. It is also comforting to see that those who worshipped yet doubted Christ are precisely the ones He commanded to "make disciples of all nations." Christ isn't waiting for perfection from us to send us out (no one would ever be sent in that case). Christ desires that we meet people where they are at by coming to terms with where we are at. Let us all make it our resolution to turn to the Lord in faith when doubt troubles our souls even with a simple sentence: "Lord help my unbelief."
(2) Romans really do drive crazy! Looking out the bus window I saw cars going all different directions. They used the shoulders as a lane in the road and sped up to cut people off like nowhere I've ever seen before. Mopeds and motorcycles are the worst at this. They literally weave in and out of traffic to advance towards their destination.
(3) Olympians live well (even in the 60s). The Apostles live in the old Olympic village from the XVII Olympic Games. I have always wondered what those villages were like and here I am staying in one. These rooms are huge and rather over equipped for an athlete who will no doubt spend most of their time at their athletic facilities, but it works out for the Apostles who actually live in 2 apartments (one on top of the other) with 12 girls crammed into what used to seem like a lot of space.
(4) Public Transportation = Good. I don't know how I would have made it here without the bus system here in Rome. Why doesn't the United States take a hint already. Here you can take a bus to just about anywhere without worrying about parking, gas, or even dealing with the driving.
(5) I could get used to this. I kinda like Rome.

Last week home

Be warned. This is a long one...

There are not words to describe the reality of this place. Every sense is strikingly more vibrant than anywhere else I've ever been. The colors are brighter, the sounds sharper, the scents more numerous yet distinct, the textures richer, and the tastes are just right. I find meaning in the saying the silence is deafening only here where the lack of manmade objects (cars, machinery, technology in general) allows for one to hear the rushing wind, the most subtle movement of a leaf on a branch, the buzzing of a hummingbird's wings, the chirping of several different birds at once, and so much more all creating a harmony that can claim none but one Composer. There is only one other place in this world that makes me feel more alive and that is when I am before the Life Giver Himself in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Otherwise, it is here that I am me in her truest sense with the good and the bad. My emotions find their most genuine expressions here where I don't bother to rein them in. My old habits challenge my attempts at virtue, and those who know me best yet love me most fiercely in spite of myself take residence here, in this place. This place which I shall forever call home.

As you can imagine, with my departure date looming over me, these days here, home, have been passing so sweetly yet so quickly. If you ever wonder what you will miss about a place, set a date upon which you can't return for awhile. You'll get a pretty good idea right quick. Fortunately, we worship a God who likes to pay us many favors, and this post is going to share some of the moments He organized for me this week so that I could partake in my favorite things of this place, my home.

First, on Sunday, He reminded me of the generosity of my parents who give up so much for my brother and me, namely time. Right after 8 am mass they packed both cars with empty boxes, tie downs, and a cooler and headed to College Station to spend nearly 3 hours packing up my stuff, cleaning up my bedroom, double then triple checking everything and then hitting the road for another 2 hour drive back home after stopping off for a quick lunch. All this just to return home and unpack it into our house where it now floods the living room because of everything I have accumulated in the past 2 years. That evening Mom and I took a piece of Mom's freshly baked dewberry pie to my Grandma down the road and chatted with her and my uncles before returning for supper.

Monday started off like they used to with me leaving before my parents (who had already been up cooking, eating, praying, and preparing for their day) to pray the rosary and attend mass with the same folks who always went when I was in high school. Man was it good to see all of those familiar holy faces sitting in their normal spots. Due to the wiener roast and s'mores planned for the evening, I ran an errand to Hoffer's where I enjoyed a long over due hug and warm exchange of words with my Great Aunt Ann. Returning home I hopped on the lawn mower and mowed perhaps the only yard I will mow all some, and with that attitude, I did so with an eager and joyful heart. There is no scent like that of freshly mowed grass which can only be competed with by freshly tilled dirt or freshly baked anything. (It's all about the fresh around here). My mowing was wonderfully interrupted by dinner (the word used for lunch around here) with my Grandma. Despite their excess of sandwich meats, she took the liberty of making me steak and potatoes because in her mind, I eat sandwiches everyday at college (and honestly she isn't that far off the mark). Dinner was followed by casual conversation until I decided it was time to finish the yard which I did just as Daddy was pulling in the driveway and boy did his smile make my work all the more worth it. I raked and put three loads of grass in the wheelbarrow delivering one to Uncle Pat's quail, one to the chickens, and one to the compost pile which will eventually aid the garden. Entering back into the house my nose was filled with Mamma's beer battered onion rings which went so tastily with the hotdogs we had that night. The Spurs' victory made the s'mores taste that much sweeter as we all settled down for a much earned night's sleep.

Tuesday (I hope the timeline isn't too boring...it's a great tool for my personal reflection)...Tuesday, my day started off the same with mass and adoration as per usual. Lunch consisted of pizza and a fresh apple pie at Grandma's followed by an hour of simple conversation with this beautiful woman that I love so much. Returning home, I began on the diy project Uncle Pat rigged up for me just like the good ole days. Mom made chuck steak, potatoes, and mixed vegetables for supper, and we ended on a sweet note with a strawberry/dewberry pie and cheesecake squares.

Wednesday again began the best way possible with the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Altar and adoration. I got to chat with one of my favorite daily mass goers who has adoration on Wednesdays which was very nice. After getting my daily workout in at my favorite softball field, I spent the morning at home painting the diy project that I had sketched the day before. Fending for myself for lunch, I quickly cooked up an acorn squash (white squash that looks more like a flower to me) as if it were a baked potato. I never thought that I would eat a squash so eagerly! I highly recommend this to any and every body! It is super easy - recipe found below. After eating, I started this blog post taking advantage of the fresh memories and then I made my way down to Grandma's to help her clean and talk for a bit. When Uncle Pat came home we drove out to the Back 40 on the mule to see the newborn calf. I even got to rub her cute little head before her mamma showed up. She's a beautiful tannish-red with a white face from the eyes down. Uncle Mike and I picked the garden (cucumbers, dewberries, strawberries) and put Lacey (English pointer bird dog) out to run. Finally, while Dad was at a ceremony for school, Mom and I kicked back to watch a Hallmark Movie (our favorite kind) to end the day.

the evolution of my diy project

Thursday greeted me with a reminder of the beauty and complexity of life on my way home from mass/adoration. I was almost at my house when I spied a doe and her newborn fawn standing in a nearby pasture. Being the only car for miles on the road, I simply stopped and watched for awhile. The fawn was as tiny as I've ever seen one with large white spots denoting its youth. With four shakey legs still adjusting to holding up a body, it pranced around clumsily yet lightly and with a joy we don't experience enough. Having its mamma by its side and a cloudy, breezy morning underway the fawn possessed no worries and had only a simple appreciation for the present moment. Arriving home, I finished up my diy project which is now (Saturday) sitting near the road for all to see. Noting my dad's dismay at not being able to get in our garden enough, I chopped around the green beans a bit. Perhaps its just the American notion of productivity but there is something unbelievably satisfying about cleaning weeds out of a garden and looking at the work accomplished. The rows look so much nicer and more defined when there are no weeds. After this, Grandma and I enjoyed cheese sandwiches for lunch and an hour of tv watching before I returned home to finalize my luggage which mom and I will revisit this afternoon to try to downsize yet one more time. In the evening, my Aunt Sharon came over to visit for awhile. Since her husband, my uncle, is the Grand Knight of the KC's in Moulton and she's head of the Moulton Chapter of the Catholic Daughters, she always has fun Catholic projects up her sleeve and this time it was to deliver a traveling icon of the Immaculate Conception to Sacred Heart Catholic Church here in Hallettsville so we loaded up and made the delivery before settling in the house to chat. We discussed a variety of subjects ranging from the Spurs to both of our European summer adventures (her and Uncle Boyce are taking a two week European cruise). Dad got home late from a band concert and we all ate a late supper and headed to bed.

Friday took us all over Lavaca's adjacent counties. First Dad and I traveled to Cuero to support Mom in receiving her Paraprofessional of the Year award which she undoubtedly deserves. I am surrounded by people with impeccable work ethic and a habit of selfless service. Upon returning back to the house (mom and dad took the rest of the day off) I ventured down to Grandma's to check out the new little chucker and pheasant chicks Uncle Pat got in and then headed to the Back Forty. There I soaked in the countryside and tried to freeze frame it all in my mind. I found a nice slab of sandrock to recline on and stretching out all my limbs, I just talked with God about all that was on my mind - my excitement, anxiety, feelings of missing this place. I reflected on who I was and how all that I come from has made me into me. I reluctantly left that favored place of mine and spent part of the afternoon picking the garden and chatting about old softball days with my uncle. Then, speaking of softball, the parents and I loaded up to watch the Weimar - Shiner softball Regional Finals game in San Marcos. It was fun being in that atmosphere again - more sweet than bitter but I did feel a tinge of nostalgia. Most of all though, I realized how critical I can be of the game and had to check myself before revealing all of my thoughts. Overall, it was a really great way to spend a Friday night.

the cute fawn with Air1 playing in the background

Today Daddy made me my favorite breakfast of old: a bacon and egg sandwich. It was delicious! Since I convinced Uncle Pat that I NEEDED bbq before leaving and being deprived for 2 months, I went down the road to help him season and marinate the pork ribs. We also plowed out the potatoes in his garden and got five 5 gallon buckets full! Being that potatoes are by far the best vegetable to pick, I had a great morning. (They are the best because they require digging in the dirt and make for some darn good eatin'...duh!) Next mom and I got some last minute shopping done in town where I ran into some beautiful familiar faces (by no coincidence I assure you). We double checked my packed luggage and worked to finalize a few other details before our early morning departure for Dallas tomorrow. Around 4 pm we headed back to town to get our sins absolved and now, clean as a whistle, I sit before my computer finishing up this blog and smelling the savory aroma of the hot supper on the stove ready to be eaten with the whole family. Since I was pulled away from the blog in order to eat, I will finish this post now. The bbq was great (as expected). All the uncles and Grandma came over to eat together in our shop and all enjoyed the meal. Afterwards, I reluctantly gave my last hug to Grandma and watched her head to the house. Uncle Ronnie and I drove through the pastures looking at the calf born today, the calf born earlier this week, and the mamma cow that's expected to pop in the next couple of weeks. I'm glad I got the chance to hang around with him and ask him my few questions about the cattle business. Then Uncle Mike, Pat, Ronnie, and I played straight dominoes and even though we switched partners, my team always won so I guess that means I'm the good one right? Daddy came home and we chowed down on blue bell (their seasonal "Red White and Blue Bell"). It was so good by the way! Now its time to make sure I have everything and hit the hay because Moulton 6:30 am mass sure is gonna come quick in the morning!

Maybe all of this detail (for those of you who read all the way through) seems unnecessary but I tell you all of this to prove a point. This may be a simple life my family and I live out here but its a beautiful one. One that I have not always appreciated, and I definitely did not always count as a blessing from the Father. My telling of my last week home to y'all is simply to show you that the Lord showers us with favors if we only open our eyes and our hearts to see them. Knowing the adventure I am about the embark on, He allowed me to experience all of my favorite things of home throughout this last week. He reminded me that no matter how far I travel or how long I am gone, I always have a place, this place - my home - to come back to and these people to love me through it all.

Thank You Jesus :)

Best kind of prep!

Tomorrow I will be starting a 9 day prayer marathon (more commonly known as a novena) to Our Lady of Perpetual Help (my favorite Marian Devotion) to entrust to her my whole summer abroad. If you would like to join me, I have included the prayer here. It is a very simple novena:

Oh Mother of Perpetual Help, grant that I may ever invoke your powerful name, the protection of the living and the salvation of the dying. Purest Mary, let your name henceforth be ever on my lips. Delay not, Blessed Lady, to rescue me whenever I call on you. In my temptations, in my needs, I will never cease to call on you, ever repeating your sacred name, Mary, Mary. What a consolation, what sweetness, what confidence fills my soul when I utter your sacred name or even only think of you! I thank the Lord for having given you so sweet, so powerful, so lovely a name. But I will not be content with merely uttering your name. Let my love for you prompt me ever to hail you Mother of Perpetual Help. Mother of Perpetual Help, pray for me and grant me the favor I confidently ask of you.
(Then say three Hail Marys).

For more information on Our Lady of Perpetual Help click here.
For more information on what a novena is click here.

When change gets real; So long 8-1-5

As I wrap up my packing, I finally get a chance to sit down and soak in the fact that tonight is my last night as a resident of "the 8-1-5" (that's what we call my house). I can still remember the anticipation of moving in after signing the lease. And I also remember lugging all of the many things I own into this place, mentally visualizing how I was going to set everything up and how my future was going to play out during college. It might well be an understatement to say I was naive back then...heck, I still am now. It's much different living in a house that functions as your own. There's cleaning to do, bills to pay, other people to live and share with. Luckily for me I was blessed with two beautiful women for roommates. Both beautiful but both starkly different. There's the head strong, confrontational, tell-you-what-she-thinks one who is also about as loyal and trustworthy as they come. She knows who she is and she genuinely is herself. Then the other is more quiet but very smart and artistically talented. She's always willing to be there when needed and never fails at putting others first. Together with my dislike of confrontation, tendency to "mother" people, and preference of the morning to night, we made quite an interesting trio...but it worked, and I am sad to say that our journey together as roommates has come to an end. I had thought I had so much time but change really does sneak up on a person. Now it's time to say goodbye and I find myself here alone with one roommate away in her hometown and the other abroad. Where did the past 2 years go? And how am I different from that excited college freshman as I approach my senior year?

That's quite a lot to reflect on huh? I mean its only 2 years but we are talking 19 to 21. The two ages are separated by much more than just time. This house witnessed just about all of my college growing pains and boy did I have my fair share. If walls could talk is perhaps a cliche but is a phrase that at this time really tickles my fancy (another cliche). The memories are flooding in and a smile is stuck on my face. Seriously though, who was that girl? Seems to me she's just about as long gone as she is exactly the same. Confused yet? I know I am. As apart of her as I feel, there's no doubting the separation, the growth and development that has occurred. It is in this house that I learned (arguably still am) what my preferred clothing style is. It is here that I created both my most effective and my most distracting studying habits. Here is where I slowly but surely began to settle into a path for the future as hazy and uncertain as it still may be. I've expressed just about every emotion possible behind my closed bedroom door as well as in my public living room, even fear. (Remind me to recount the story of the first time we called the cops some other time.) It is here that (cliche coming right up...wait for it...) I discovered myself. And I'll still be discovering myself in my next place of residence. And long after junk mail addressed to Cherise Klekar stops being delivered to the old black mailbox by the road I will still be discovering the person God created in my mother's womb over 21 years ago. But isn't that part of the fun?

You see, we were all created with a purpose and given a path that is sure to fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts and lead us to holiness which is also happiness because it is union with our Creator. Figuring that purpose out tends to be the tricky part. Because of free will, we can choose to pursue any purpose via any path we want. However, I suggest that we all want God's purpose for us and God's path. This is because as creatures, we naturally long for our Creator. At the core of all of our decisions is an infinite desire that can only be filled by an Infinite Being. We will never be satisfied by earthly wonders or worldly passions. These things will only leave us feeling more empty and increase our hunger. Even the good of this world can't quench our thirst.

I once heard that "God's will is merely our will purified." God will never ask something of you that isn't moving you towards perfection. Yes, I said it: perfection. What is that other cliche? Oh yea...nobody's perfect. Does the fact that no one (aside from our Lord Jesus Christ who took on our flesh) has yet achieved perfection during this life render it an impossibility? Our good ole road map to Heaven says that for God all things are possible. And in fact it also commands us to be holy as our heavenly father is holy. God demands perfection from us but He's God so He's about as realistic as they come and He knows (He created us remember?) that we can't get there on our own. He also knows that we may not get there on this earth but with His grace and our cooperation, we can move into that great big mansion in the sky where Jesus says He will go and prepare a place for [us]. 

Change is going to happen. It's healthy and natural, and if we let Him, God will guide us through the many transitions of life making them as smooth as possible. He will also help ensure that we are making the right transitions for the perfection He created us for.

So why are we so scared of change and the future? The Author of our lives has already written the perfect ending. We have only to say "yes" to the little promptings He gives us throughout the day. Grow closer to Him and learn the sound of His voice by spending time daily in prayer. It is no coincidence that the Lord depicts Himself as the Good Shepherd for sheep know the sound of their shepherd's voice and heed his every command. Let us be Christ the Good Shepherd's little lambs joyfully scampering wherever His guiding hand leads us, even when it leads us away from a place we once called home.

So long familiar place...hello change.

Bargain hunting

I am proud to say that today, for about $105, I bought 13 items of clothing making the average cost of each item around $8. Plus, I had a few gift cards that subtracted about $35 from that lowering the out of pocket average cost to a little over $5!! I delight in these types of things especially since my shopping day was successful and I am not usually a fan of the activity. Obviously, I was buying clothing for Italy - some neutral colored tops and bottoms that can be mixed and matched to create an illusion of more outfits in less luggage space. I also invested in some cute walking shoes because I read that to Europeans "gym shoes belong in the gym." Whether or not that is true, I am happy with my $15 purchase pictured below. Hopefully going with the off brand doesn't back fire. I'll be breaking them in during my last 18 days in the States. (EIGHTEEN!!! -deep breaths-)

My final stop of the shopping day took me to Office Depot where I inquired about laptops since mine's cooling fan decided to break on me. Robin, the very helpful Office Depot employee, said something that really struck me: "It's not a bargain if it doesn't have what you're looking for." 

Applying this to my shopping day, there were several items that were really good deals (I often shop at thrift stores) but they weren't an item I needed or were an item that I knew I would not wear in Italy. This, even though sometimes hard, is one of my main reasons for not buying things. 

In what other areas can this apply? Take the premise of many chick flicks. Sometimes there is a guy in the mix who is really sweet, loyal, and head over heels in love with the leading lady. He makes it extremely easy for her to be with him. There is no risk involved for her. She knows she won't be rejected and that he will devote all of his energy to making her happy. Sounds like a pretty good deal huh? But does he have everything she's looking for? Will she grow in a relationship that doesn't require any of her effort? Will he? Settling is not bargain hunting. In the end it will probably cost them both more. 

But what about when accepting the bargain is harder than refusing it?

In today's Gospel (Jn 6:60-69) Jesus's disciples are bargain hunting. The problem is, they don't all agree on what they are looking for. The teaching of the Eucharist, the command to eat the flesh of God and drink His blood, was too hard for some of them to accept so they returned to their former way of life and no longer walked with him. They chose the "safe guy" from the chick flick. They chose to go back to a life that didn't demand any effort from them or challenge them to grow. This, to me, is one of the saddest passages in the whole Bible. Here they are being offered the BEST deal that could ever be imagined - the Living Bread that fully satisfies and the Spring of Eternal Life that quenches every thirst. The same deal we are offered each moment of each day. God is extending His very self to them, to us. And we have merely to receive it. Yes, we will be asked to give of ourselves but we'll never be able to give as He gives to us. As in every relationship, the more we put into our prayer life, the more we will get out of it. But unlike every relationship, God can never be outdone in generosity. His gift to us will always be incomparably greater than what we contribute. We are living the bargain hunter's dream. 

So why didn't those people remain with Jesus? Why couldn't they see what - Who - they were giving up? Because according to what they were looking for, this was not a bargain. Focusing on the action demanded on their part of consuming the very Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of the Lord, they were blind to the grace that the Eucharist is. They saw the hardship, the sacrifice, the consequences of this new and radical teaching, and cowering, they turned away in confusion and fear. Their idea of a savior was someone who would make everything easier not someone whose friendship would make powerful earthly kings and queens their enemies. Or whose teaching would bring them persecution and ridicule even from their own family members or close friends. 

The gospels of the past week have been taken from John's Bread of Life discourses. They provide an ample of reflection time over the great gift Jesus gives us in His Real Presence in the Eucharist. But it also calls to mind the great challenge that unless you eat of the Flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you do not have life within you. What does it mean to eat of the Flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood? What does it mean to have life within us? These are the questions that must be pondered when bargain hunting. 

So...what are you looking for? Is following Jesus, picking up your cross, eating of His very flesh and blood a bargain for you? Before you answer that, consider some of what Jesus offers us in return:

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of truth...I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. - Jn 14:16-18

Come to me, all who labor and are burdened and I will give you rest. - Mt 11:28 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Jn 14:27

I am the living bread that came down from heaven: whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my Flesh for the life of the world. - Jn 6:51

Look No Further

As I sit on my comfy couch, breeze coming through the windows, fan on full speed, and light blanket draped over my legs in typical "me-style," I find myself looking for inspiration for a blog post. Sure this was originally meant to serve the purpose of providing information on my life abroad but I'm not yet abroad so what do I write about now?

Thus, I need inspiration but where, I wonder, does inspiration come from? What inspires us? What inspires you? What inspires me? Since I haven't yet been granted the gift of reading souls (you never know), I'll focus on the latter question. But, before addressing the answer, we must breakdown the question. I know it is only 3 words but stay with me, I promise I'm going somewhere with this...

Webster says inspiration is "something that makes someone want to do or create something". When I think about being inspired, I romanticize it and think of being moved, possessing a kind of passion that uncontrollably propels me into action. Maybe a bit strong but a lot nicer sounding. But look at the way the question is asked: inspires. The "s" at the end provides a sort of continuity to the context. What inspiresssss me. Not yesterday, not now, not in the future but always. So we are talking about a "what" that is everywhere all the time in order to constantly provide inspiration to one singular person - me. Not to the part of me that is influenced by peer pressure or the part of me that is trying to please my parents but me. Cherise. What deep down, as if I were the only person on this earth having never met another soul, inspires me?

What, denoting an omnipresent noun (person, place, or thing), continually inspires (passionately moves) me (I, singular, without outside influence)?

Can I answer any other way? Can there be an answer at its simplest most fundamental level that is not Him? I really don't think so. I don't discount other inspirations such as the joy of a child's smile or the various manifestations of selfless love but I am saying that under those things lies Him who is Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier. Therefore, I have to say that I (arguably we - everyone) ultimately derive my inspiration from His Presence. I don't just mean the Real Presence of the Eucharist although that is certainly a brewing blog post topic for another glorious day. But I mean His constancy. His willingness to be everywhere at the risk of never being noticed. That's inspiring.

He's like the wind I'm feeling right now. I ungratefully draw benefits from it as it relieves me from the heat (partly self inflicted by the blanket :P) but I don't pay much attention to it. Now I would notice if it were gone, this is true. Would we notice if Jesus were gone? Thankfully we never have to find that out.

And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age. Mt. 28:20

This image of Christ as my constant companion has been with me for a bit now especially as my study abroad experience draws ever nearer. My fear of loneliness in an unfamiliar place of a new language and new faces has heightened my awareness of God's omnipresence as He reassures me that in fact I am never alone. This inspires me. This strips away all fear and anxiety and replaces it with confidence, boldness, and even a burning desire to take risks for this God-Man who steals more and more of my heart each day. I am moved into action by my Lord and my God. Partly because He holds me into being and allows for my existence and partly because I have encountered Him in His glorious resurrection. As much as my weak humanity sometimes wants to, I can't deny this. I can't act like my life hasn't been changed when in fact it is continually transformed.

Now, I don't want to give the impression that I perfectly respond to or even recognize that transformation all the time. There are many times that I actually stifle it through distractions in prayer, ignoring His promptings, or even flat-out telling Him "no." They aren't my prouder moments but they are part of me nonetheless for the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak (Mt. 26:41). Fortunately, we serve a God who desires to meet us exactly there in our brokenness. When we turn the other way, leave Him, and distance ourselves, He never sways. God is never far from us. We are only far from Him. That inspires me.

From my past posts and from my initial rephrasing of the question, you may think I purposefully aimed it this direction. And perhaps you are right. Perhaps I started this post, consciously or unconsciously, intending to cast God as my inspiration. But why not? If He isn't our inspiration (and at times I lie to myself that He's not) then we must remind ourselves by intentionally acting as if He were our inspiration. Because if we don't cast God as our inspiration, then how are we living and what are we living for? If not for Love Himself. If not to glorify our Beloved in order to sanctify our souls, and to reserve our place in one of the many rooms in His (our) Father's house?

So as a challenge I won't ask you to discover your inspiration. I won't tell you to analyze the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning. No. I am going to boldly tell you that He IS your inspiration and challenge you to discover what that means uniquely and individually for you. God has a specific purpose and plan for each of us that is wholly its own so the inspiration of His Presence will necessarily be manifested differently in everyone. That is a beautiful thing. That should inspire us all.

At the beginning, as I sat down looking around for inspiration, I spied His creation outside the window in a tree cast against the blue sky and saw the curtains move with the breeze which I then felt gently brush my face and smiling I thought to myself: look no further.