With the Fam
Coming home this past December was a bit different than normal because I did so with recently announced concrete post-graduation plans. This means I spent many an hour explaining what is a "sister", who the Apostles of the Interior Life are, and what it all actually means. I'd say it went rather well. Potential benefactor letters went out since the community lives off of divine providence and I am responsible for paying off my debt, formation education in Rome, and other small living expenses for the next 6(ish) years before vows. (For information on how to become one go here). In Hallettsville this meant inevitably running into recipients of my letter at church, in Walmart, in the grocery store, and one of the handful of restaurants in town. The Lord blessed my rejection fearing soul with beautiful encounters of encouragement and genuine joy for me and my new adventure with Him.Within the family conversation was much easier this time around (I first announced to them at Thanksgiving). It was clear that questions were more comfortably asked and with a lower degree of awkwardness than the first time. Loving teasing was even made toward it filling my heart with contentment. I had a few encounters in which I am almost certain the Lord was speaking to me through the other assuaging my concerns mostly about time and distance away from family. I was reminded that this is natural in any future plans when one goes off to pursue career paths or a vocation to marriage. I am not "leaving" family and home solely because I am entering a religious community. That was bound to happen regardless of any plan short of moving back home. This put me much more at ease.
Finally my time with the family was precious because of just that: it was time with my family. It really is the little things that fill my heart with love. I bought a puzzle after a few days home which we started after Christmas. It was something we went back to almost every night for a bit but there was much still remaining the night before my departure. Thus, my Uncle Mike, Dad, and I stayed with it well into the night even though we were tired in order to finish it just for me! Also this same trio spent a few hours one evening splitting wood. This may seem like work to some (and indeed it was) but it is also a fun activity that many don't get to experience. Plus, we had a wood splitter so no axes were lifted. I got to make kolaches with my grandma for Christmas Eve as well as pray the rosary with her as part of her daily routine and just spend hours sitting with her and hearing stories about her life. Mom and I exercised together and did some shopping post-Christmas to find clothes that fit or return those less desired. Now, I'm not a hug fan of hitting the mall but girl time is always nice especially with mom. Uncle Pat and I went "hunting" together. Actually he went hunting in one stand and I went praying and nature watching in the other. It was nice to have the peace and quiet and to reflect over the beauty of the land that I had the privilege to grow up on. I wouldn't trade my upbringing for the world. I am who I am because of these people and this place.
Finally, after 2 beautiful weeks at home doing the wonderfully normal activities we do each year and enjoying the fantastic weather, I even got to spend New Year's Eve in Brandon's neck of the woods (Dallas) meeting or getting to know better his friends from there. What a beautiful experience. I felt so included and had such a blast. Every one I told about the Apostles were ecstatic for me and offered me their prayers. We played Catch Phrase, Heads Up, and drank Champaign in the New Year. By the end of the night while watching them all slip away one by one, I heard many "see you tomorrow"s and my heart desired to be able to say the same thing. I'm so happy that Brandon has such a good group of friends all so obviously striving to be saints and having a great time doing it!
The Rest of Break
Believe it or not, those many activities occurred solely in the first 2 weeks, so what happened the second half and how was I at home if I left?Good question.
On the first day of 2015 Brandon dropped me off at Dallas Love Field Airport. There I met up with Briana Santiago (a good friend and girl in pre-formation with the community) who accompanied me on a Southwest flight to Kansas City. Awaiting us at the airport were two Romans and lots of smiles and hugs! You see, I spent the second half of my break with the Apostles of the Interior Life. All the Sisters living in the States go to Kansas for Christmas and thus Briana and I were joining them after our time home.
The first thing I recognized as I entered the Lawrence house where all the sisters awaited, was the deep joy and peace I felt upon seeing their faces, hearing their voices, and meeting their many embraces. This profound peace and joy surged up in me and filled me with much confirmation in my next step. Although it was hard leaving my family, I had no doubt that a different kind of family met me there that night.
The following day Sr. Lella, Sr. Jo, Briana, Janelle (a college student also discerning), and I headed out to Rockport, Indiana for a Parish Mission. A typical Apostle Parish Mission consists of three evening talks (Call to Holiness and Prayer, Call to Conversion, and Call to the Eucharist) over the course of three days. Other events include spiritual direction by the Sisters; witness talks by the college students; visits to nursing homes, homebound, or Catholic schools; youth group activities; and of course praying in the same routine as the Sisters. It is on these trips that we are met with such great generosity because we are hosted by families and have all meals provided for us. God's providence works so beautifully through those who hunger for the spiritual formation that the Apostles bring. During this week, I got to know Sr. Jo and Sr. Lella even better and enjoyed the time we spent together. Being in such a small town my Texan accent started venturing out that these two sisters (an Aussie and a Northern Italian) had a blast trying to imitate it. It was in these moments and other precious ones that my heart grew even when I thought it had reached its maximum size.
After this came the final session of the second group of participants in the Catholic Spiritual Mentorship Program. I could go on and on about this week and honestly about everything else I have written so far but that's not the topic of this blog. This week is put on by the Apostles of the Interior Life and the School of Faith. It is designed to form others to give spiritual formation which is so needed and desired in our world today. This year was a special one because all of the Brothers of the Apostles were there. Thus every part of the Apostles of the Interior Life were represented. The Sisters were there of course, the Brother priests and seminarians, one Lay Consecrated, members of the lay movement and even the Family of the Apostles who take promises to live the Apostles' charism in a more committed way. What a gift to be present there! I was able to have conversations with all of these aspects of the community and as Joel - a seminarian - mentioned, one could "sample" each part of this charism while there. It was just an unbelievably beautiful week spent with around 60 participants eagerly learning to be able to go out and walk with others towards Christ. I have said this many times in sharing groups at the CSMP but I truly see this as the way the world was meant to be. People from all different places united in their pursuit of Christ who interact in a joyful and even silly manner with the utmost comfortableness even while partaking in ridiculous skits. But in the next moment conversations sore to the heights of the mystery of God revealed through prayer or dive into the depths of suffering and the trials of life. It is a place of openness and love. During the week we pray almost all of the hours the Sisters and Brothers pray as well as sit in on Theory and Praticum Sessions created to teach others how to be spiritual mentors. I am sad to see it end especially since this group graduated and won't be returning. However, as one participant said before departing, this week and the relationships built over the two year program is merely a foretaste of heaven. He said that sitting in mass he recognized that there were some faces who he wouldn't see again in this life but that through the Eucharist we would all remain united until we are all rejoicing again one day at the Heavenly Banquet. This evoked beautiful imagery for me which I believe helped me leave yesterday with a large smile on my face. Perhaps I would not see the participants again (or at least not all of them) but I left without much sadness in the goodbyes I gave to the community. Having been accepted, I have the assurance of seeing the Kansas Sisters and Brothers again soon and being united in the charism until that day. This was another taste of "homeness" because even in the difficulty of leaving there is a security in returning once again that replaces that difficulty with joy and grace for the time apart.
I am so utterly grateful for this Christmas Break. Not only was it great to recharge after the semester but I was given the gift of spending time with my family in the home I was born into and the gift of more deeply recognizing the home that the Lord has created for me in the Apostles. Although I am not extremely thrilled to hit the books again this semester, I do so with a heart filled to the brim and uncontainable excitement for the adventure that lies ahead. The one prayer I ask of you is for me to live each day for itself meeting God in the present moment so as not be distracted from the "now" by the "yet to come".
Thank you for your continued prayers. God bless!
*I would have provided pictures but my computer is not cooperating with me currently! :(
