"The journey is not long..."

*Here is a little fruit from our monthly retreat we had yesterday (19 Sept).

Il cammino non e’ lungo se si ama la persona che si va a trovare. – Proverbio africano

                My journey is not long, burdensome, or impossible as long as I focus on the love I have for You who I am walking towards. Although there may be fog between the end of the dock and your face, with my eyes fixed on You, the fog will not discourage my continual steps. When You beckon me forward into the fog, I will go because all I see is You. In fact, with an increasing love for You, the knowledge that You are my end – that You are what I am heading towards – will fend off all fear or temptations to ignore or set aside the crosses along the way. If I see all things as a gift from You, as a means to draw closer to Your Heart, what “bad” can I receive? Of what can I be afraid? From what can I run or hide? With what strength can I resist that which leads me to Your Holy Face? No, this journey is not long if my goal is love.

                But if it is not love. If my goal is personal perfection in a warped attempt to be worthy of the Richness that is You. If I focus less on You and more on myself. If I rely not on You but on me. Then, Your Face is no longer visible behind the thickening fog which encompasses me and closes me in. Then, I am overwhelmed with discouragement and fear overtakes my trust. I am paralyzed. I do not move. I no longer see my journey as such but convince myself that I have only one fleeting moment in which to fulfil my every worldly desire. I fail. I, in self-dependence, fall into despair and see my journey as too “long” to go on.

                The choice is mine. You place it before me. Your gentle call is not forceful or demanding. It is steady and tender. It is given with a smile and a welcoming gaze. “Come my child. Be not afraid.” You know my every weakness and temptation. You know which part of my journey will be more hesitant and which will be more sure. But call me forward continually You do. In the lighter steps you are there to join in on the laughter and joy, and when my feet are heaviest You urge me on in quiet confidence. “Look at Me. Trust Me. Choose Me.” You are never discouraged by my missteps or the times I refuse to give my “yes”. Instead, You remain ever Faithful and True, there to pick up the pieces of my own guilt and discouragement for succumbing once again to the frailties of the flesh.

Yes, there is really only one choice in this life and from it stems all the rest. But this choice is not just made once. It must be made constantly – each day, each moment. It is a choice that I cannot cease to keep before me. In fact, it is a choice that is always before me. In each action, word, thought, and deed I am either choosing You or that which is not You. I am choosing Love or something less than Love. It is that simple. My journey can either be a string of yes’s or a pile of no’s. And when I find myself getting piled up amidst the thickening fog, I will hear Your Voice, meet Your Eyes, and tie a knot in my string with a yes. A yes to continue, to persevere, to make this journey. For it is not long when I love Who it is that I am going to find.

The journey is not long if you love the person you are going to find. – African Proverb

It's been forever...I know!

So...funny story. In May I wrote up a nice little "I'm going back to Italy tomorrow" post and tried to upload it to only find an error code that persisted all summer until...well...today. That's right. Just now I was clicking buttons and did something right because here I am typing furiously for fear that this is only a "limited time offer" or something and the error code is going to re-appear any second now!

However, there is good and bad news. The good news is that I continued to write throughout the summer even if it wasn't being published online. The bad news?...publishing them all now might just be a headache for us all. So...perhaps I'll share them at some point but you all might just be as interested in reading about my daily life now as I am in writing about it so...how about we give that a try first!

If y'all remember, the last time I wrote, I was finishing up (or had finished) college...yikes! I'm still getting used to the title of "alumni". I was preparing to go back to Italy for the second time to spend the summer with the community - the Apostles of the Interior Life - that I would begin living with in their Texas House in August.

Well...after a week with my "Italian Family", 10 days of pilgrimage, 2 weeks in Rome, and a month in the Italian Alps, it's September and I'm all moved into the Texas House with Sr. Celestina, Sr. Elena, and Sr. Tatum. Classes at the university have started up without me and we are slowly sinking into more of a routine after a hectic 2 weeks of cleaning, first meetings, and leadership and/or freshmen orientations.

Looking at the Freshmen I marvel at the time that has so quickly passed. Talking on the phone with one of my best friends who now lives in and goes to grad school in Colorado she said to me: "Why do we have to grow up?" as we lamented over not being together anymore. This brought about some reflection. Why do we have to grow up? Almost everyone at some point in their life asks this question. But I think it's time that we stop, because growing up is continuous. I mean, have you ever met anyone who has actually reached "up"? There is always something more to know, a deeper way to love, or another step to take. We are on a journey and we are certainly walking toward something - someOne. So why do we have to grow up? Because that is what we were created for! And along the journey instead of lamenting over what is "over", we should be thankful for it and then look around at the beautiful path we are currently traversing. More likely than not, we will soon be lamenting over the end of this present stage so let's endeavor to enjoy it, shall we?!

With that said, let me share with you a sneak peak into the life I'm currently enjoying! As I said, I live with Sr. Cele, Sr. Elena, and Sr. Tatum (I could spend a whole blog post explaining each of them but they may be reading this so I'll let you meet them through the stories and episodes I recount over the year). I'm literally spending this first year of Pre-formation living their life. Praying with them, sharing in community time with them, partaking in my share of chores, involving myself in the ministry/apostolate (evangelization and spiritual formation) as much as I can, and of course studying (Italian and Philosophy). It's only been a short while, and my feet have barely begun to brush up against sturdy ground as far as a set schedule goes so seemingly I couldn't recount to you much about their life. However, for the exact fact that we have not stuck to a rigorous schedule at all yet or haven't gone too long without a change of plans, I have been truly experiencing their life. You see, as an Apostle, it is important to keep in mind the 3 favorite words of my former boss. He'd always say before big ticket sale events: "You gotta be Tough, Flexible, and Optimistic!" These 3 words, in my opinion, - perhaps one of the Sisters reading this will correct me later - sum up the mindset behind the laborious and fruitful day of an Apostle of the Interior Life. I carefully choose the word "mindset" because surely a more important sustainer of an Apostle's day is the Lord Himself who gives of Himself in prayer so that the Apostle can fulfill her ultimate mission and bring others to an encounter with the Christ that continues to change her life everyday! So...once I've settled into something in the ballpark of a normal routine, I'll let you know how that is going.

In the meantime, I would like to share a little bit of the inner workings of my heart in these past couple of weeks with you. I can't say it's been all butterflies and dandelions but I have certainly experienced a tremendous amount of joy. So much so that I've been receiving comments quite often using a very specific word to describe my being: radiant. Since I joined the community, at least four separate times, in four separate contexts and two cultures I've been called this. But one thing, besides the word, always remained constant - I was called radiant in regards to my relationship with Christ and my belonging to the community. For me, this is a form of confirmation and a reminder. Confirmation of being where God wants me to be right now and a reminder that my joy is not for me alone. My joy is a gift from God that I must share with others. In fact, I hope that, in reading this blog, you too can share in my joy and find in your own heart the joy that only the Lord can give.

Oh...it's so good to be back!



The Texas House:
Me, Sr. Cele, Sr. Elena, and Sr. Tatum