Learning from wild flowers: November 2014

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The gift of learning

This is a blog post spurred by two things: my new found appreciating for learning and the anxiety of class scheduling.

Learning to Love Learning
In recent weeks it has hit me how wonderful the gift of learning and pursuing a higher education really is. In the midst of papers, readings, tests I find myself blossoming with joy and eagerness for more knowledge. One day something just clicked. I noticed a movement in my head that occurs while I am in my classes or have my nose stuck in a book. My new discoveries bounce off of old ones creating links from past studies to present. I am surprised by my memory of old classes and material previously learned that my mind immediately refers back to. It's as if everything just continues to build upon itself and expand. It's really quite awesome! I also recognize the world view that I live in by where my brain goes when I am confronted with a new theory or concept. My first questions are often: "how does the Church view this?" and "where is Jesus in that?" This allows me to see how my Catholic formation and my civil education both collide to create a unique and developing "mental me".

Perhaps much of this excitement is spurred by the love I have for my classes this semester. The class structures are so much more discussion based then I am used to. We read actual writings of experts and/or witnesses of events. There are no more textbooks - simply books written by anthropologists, political scientists, investigative reporters, and the like. Sure I read even more and am constantly studying something but I am also seeing the application of that which I study in everyday life and find myself desiring to speak of it with others. I have had classes like such scattered throughout past semesters but this one is littered with them. It is these upper level classes that I will miss the most.

Feeling assured by the fact that learning does not ever end, I move forward joyfully but also patiently appreciating the present moment of lecture halls, papers, heavy reading loads, exams, and (dare I even say it)...group projects.

Class Scheduling
As far as college goes, I think class scheduling is the most anxious time for me - more than even exam periods or big project deadlines. There is just something about registering for classes that stresses me out. I'd say it is connected with the fact that I don't want to pick something that I will regret having taken and have to live with knowing that I picked it myself. It's just a lot of self inflicted pressure and exposes two weakness of mine: to look at the top of the staircase instead of the next step and to fear yet desire to have control. I don't have a remedy for these two weaknesses. They are just imperfections I am slowly storing up the courage to ask for purification from. I say storing up courage because we often get what we pray for in ways that aren't as "romantic" as we imagined. For instance, a prayer for patience can land you in a car that hits every single red light on Texas Avenue. (Try it. I dare you.)

Anyways...scheduling this time around presents two new experiences for me: (1) It is my last time to schedule classes since I graduate in May 2015 (A-Whoop), and (2) I am only taking 3 classes for a total of 9 hours. As a soon-to-be graduating senior I find myself overwhelmed with the realization that my time here is quickly diminishing. And, as I mentioned above, with my new found love and appreciation for learning burning in my heart, I look to that day in May with bittersweet feelings. Yes it is a day that marks the achievement and hard work I've put into these past 4 years (and the 12 before that really) but it also marks the end to this time of learning. Now don't get me wrong, learning is a life long project that we can't turn off if we wanted to. However, there's a difference between learning from life or as a professional and living the vocation of being a student in a university setting. Right now, as I harped on earlier in this post, I am obliged to spend my time studying in a very literal sense reading primary and secondary sources by experts or first hand witnesses, expanding my knowledge at the feet of professors who devote their life to the very subject of my study, and developing a close relationship with my laptop on which I spend hours each day researching and writing. Sure I can choose how much time I devote to it and do take healthy breaks for prayer, relaxation, and fun, but my duty as a student is to do what students do (i.e. study). There is no other time like this in life. I currently live to go to campus and increase my knowledge.

Looking at the class choices, I realize that I want to take them all. I can't pick. I don't want to think of missing out on great classes I could take (which is ridiculous because there are many great classes that I would never have enough time to take). The good news: Jesus got this. I don't have control...not really at least. I have free will so I can choose the class but I am not required to control the outcomes. If anything I am required to surrender and relinquish that control to God who knows exactly what class He has in mind for the formation that I will receive in this next spring of my life.

And when the gift is unwrapped?
Does walking across the stage in Reed Arena, signaling the end of my time as an undergraduate student at the great Texas A&M University mean that learning is over? No, but you all get that by now. Does it mean that learning in this way - in a class setting, on a campus, surrounded by friends in the same situation, without a 9-5 job or a larger commitment in place - is over? Yes. Am I sad about this? Yes AND No. Yes because this time of college really is quite awesome (see above for how I really feel about that :P ). No because God has willed it to be so, and if God has willed it, it is the best thing - the highest good.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

We are Pilgrims on a Journey

Just follow this train of thought:

home is where the heart is

where your treasure is there will your heart be also (Mt 6:21)

Home is where the heart is.
As overused as this saying may be, it rings true in many ways. To feel home somewhere is simply to have a happy and full heart there. In my cultural geography class we learned about iconic landscapes. This term names the feeling I get when Hwy 60 opens up to reveal the A&M water tower and press box of Kyle Field or when acres of flat lands below a great big Texas sky -no matter how dry- pushes sweetness right from my heart up into a great big smile on my face. A&M Campus in College Station and Texas country farmlands are two examples of iconic landscapes for me. Seeing them produces a movement of my heart that reminds me that I am home.

Where your treasure is there will your heart be also.
This is one of my favorite Bible versus (although arguably I say that ALOT...so I have quite a few). In a meditation over it one day, it really hit me that, with my free will, I choose where my heart will be. If I cherish things of this world as my treasure (namely fame, wealth, popularity, and the like) my heart will be in the world and consequentially never satisfied by any of the passing pleasures present here. But, if I cherish the things of heaven as Jesus instructs us (i.e. virtues, friendship grounded in God, true beauty, pure love, etc...), my heart will be in the hands of God. And what better place of refuge than the very Hands of its Craftsman? Only there can my heart be satisfied, quiet, and confident (in the poetically beautiful words of Audrey Assad).

In sum.
Our home is with God who crafted our hearts. Our hearts can only be completely fulfilled and satisfied in His presence. Thus, Heaven -the true home to which He calls us- contains the things that should comprise all of our treasure. Being that God created these complicated hearts of ours that often try to stray away from those wonderful treasures in Heaven, He knows this is not always easy for us. In order to lead us on our journey, He gives us feelings of home along the way. This starts in our nuclear families that foster our growth and begin our formation (thus the importance of the family unit in society). After that, a well formed conscience (through catechesis and much prayer) will sense a distinct difference in the feeling of home in a place that is propelling one toward God or leading one astray. Although the pleasures of this world can be enticing, the emptiness left in their wake is deafening and unavoidable by a heart willing to seek true fulfillment and joy. In stark contrast, when a heart stores up its treasure in Heaven, nothing -not even legitimate struggles or sacrifice- can break one's sense of purpose and deep down joy. This "home-feeling" becomes a compass on our path to living God's will. It is also useful in distinguishing between two goods that both potentially lead to Heaven when only one of these goods is made for the particular person in question (i.e. Vocation to marriage or celibacy for the kingdom). Therefore, as pilgrims journeying to our true home (Heaven), we can trust in our Navigator (God) who connects all the homes we experience in this life in a straight line to Him.

St. Mary's Catholic Center; College Station, Texas.
For me, St. Mary's is one of these "homes" on my way to my true, eternal home. More than anything, the feeling of home is manifested in the people I am surrounded by here. Lately I have been reflecting over the wonder at having made such close-knit friendships and developed a family-like community in a little over three years. St. Mary's is a place that never fails to provide me with a warm familiar face at the same time that it introduces me to someone new. It is where I can go to rest, study, eat, learn, and worship. And best of all, St. Mary's houses Jesus in the Eucharist providing ample time for prayer and being in His glorious presence. I know that God has given me St. Mary's as a home to lead me to my true home with Him in Heaven. For on this earth, we are a pilgrim Church after all...