A Beautiful Soul

On Friday March 27 I was reminded of the fragility of life on this earth.

I experienced the paradoxical emptiness and heaviness that only grief can bring.

At 10:45 am I was reminded that we are made for so much more.

I cannot claim to be Karen Barnett's best friend or frequent coffee date. I do not know the intricacies of her life or even her favorite color. But I do know from the precious time I did spend with her that she possessed a caring heart from which abundant kindness flowed. Her humility kept her grounded but also created the opportunity to truly love herself and her life in a way that we who refuse to accept our littleness have not experienced. She was awkward and knew it - heck she fully embraced it! When excited or giddy about something she really loved (like Lord of the Rings, quiditch, or brownies) she would fidget or even stumble around and smile throughout her whole person. Speaking about stumbling, talk about clumsy - again a characteristic she heartily accepted. And she would most definitely have been embarrassed of a post so complimentary of her.

There is so much I have to learn from this friend of mine. She just knew how to live life well embracing the present moment. And boy did she love God. Her childhood dream was to become a nun (a.k.a. give her life totally and unreservedly to Her Creator). She pursued this call faithfully and enthusiastically which is how our paths first crossed. Meeting in our FIAT discernment group, Karen played a special role in my life along with the small group of girls who taught me not to be afraid of the movements of my heart leading me toward a life given completely to Christ.

Roadtrips seemed to be our specialty as we made two very LONG ones together. First we traveled with 2 other Aggies to Phoenix, Arizona to spend a week with the Daughters of St. Paul. Her parents, clearly the source of her generous heart, lent us their van and enough peanut butter, jelly, apple slices, and cookies to get us over three state-lines and back. Then, she accompanied me and another friend of ours from that same FIAT group on a whirlwind trip to Hanceville, Alabama to see the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament. (And by whirlwind I mean we spent more time in the car than at our destination). Driving through the night, Karen championed the art of staying awake with Katie as I napped (i.e. full-on slept) in the backseat.

There was even a time last year when she and another girl (again from the FIAT group) went on a house hunt considering living together this academic year. Bummed that that fell through, I was overjoyed to see her last semester at a small Catholic gathering. Turns out that after graduating early, Karen detected a call from the Lord to put a hold on the path towards Consecrated Life and began to work in the College Station area. Speaking with her at the gathering, I saw real joy and peace. It was clear that her heart was quite content. Our other friend even questioned her about this diversion from her childhood dream wondering if Karen felt frustration or disappointment at not entering into a religious community.

I will leave you with Karen's response. It warrants meditation all on its own. Let us read her words and look within our own hearts to be honest about what our own disposition is. Is it one of such surrender and contentment as that of Karen's? If not, let us ask the Lord for the grace to get there so that we may follow in the steps of Karen who may not have achieved the symbol of complete union with Christ in this world (i.e. Consecrated Life) but instead bypassed straight to the real thing.

"I love my life. I have so much peace. God can do with me whatever He wants."

Karen: "You want half?"
Me: "Umm...I'm good."

The FIAT group that blessed me with Karen's acquaintance.

Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament. Time to go in and see Jesus!

Stretch break on the way to Alabama.
Sure let's just park my car on the side of the highway!

Best burger stop ever; found unintentionally on the way back from Arizona!

Making our way to Arizona and stopping for lunch on the state line.

Being our goofy selves with the nuns. No big deal.

We are merely pilgrims on a journey.
Looking forward to eternity a little more now Karen.

Karen Marie Barnett

March 18, 1993 - March 27, 2015

 

Eternal rest, grant unto her O Lord

and let perpetual light shine upon her.

May she rest in peace.

Amen.

"Buon Apostolato!"

The title of this post comes from the last words Sr. Elena said to me as I packed up the AVI poster board and set off towards home (Hallettsville), and the two weeks following that "send off phrase" have made it rather appropriate.

My first solo "apostolic experience"...

On Monday March 6, I went home to give a talk at the Flatonia Catholic Daughters of America (CDA) meeting. This particular group of women are benefactors of mine and it was my utmost pleasure to be able to meet them in person and share with them further details of my story and the community. Although the talk consisted solely of a snippet of my story and information on the community, it was indeed an apostolic moment that will always be precious to me. First of all, the women were a wonderful audience. They were attentive, stayed smiling throughout, and even had questions at the end. Thoroughly interested, they inquired about ways to stay in touch and eagerly took prayer cards with which to pray for our community throughout this Year of Consecrated Life and beyond. Secondly, although I began a little nervous, I felt very comfortable while speaking and even got to (unnecessarily) use a lapel mic which I clipped on my scarf as I have seen many Apostles do over the years! I feel more confident in myself before groups after recognizing the naturalness I felt in sharing about these two topics I am passionate about: the way the Lord has worked in my life and the community the Lord has placed on my path.
The meeting began with a potluck dinner since it was their priest appreciation meeting. This only added to the night because not only did I get the joy of eating delicious homemade food (you should have seen the dessert options) but I also had the presence and assistance of the priest in answering some of the generic questions on consecrated life and priesthood.
One of my more beautiful moments that evening was seeing Mrs. Olsovsky - the mother of my childhood best friend. She currently serves as the Regent for the Flatonia CDA and in multiple ways is the reason I even had the opportunity to share my story and community with this fantastic group.
If any of you women are reading this, know that you all have a special place in my prayers.

Mrs. O, Me, the AVI poster, and Fr. Ed

Vanderbilt Parish Mission (Nashville, TN)...

Saturday March 14:

We arrived after a long drive in the car just in time for the vigil mass that kicked off the evening of adoration and music. The night before was spent at a beautiful and hospitable host family in Longview, TX. As a friend of the community, the family was more than happy to open their home to us, and I felt the Lord's generosity moving through them as they engaged us in conversation, fed us, and attended to our every (and any possible) need. It was great to have parents again for a night! 

Nashville did not disappoint as the music capital since our first night was topped off with a concert at Catholic Underground which brings in local bands for entertainment and fellowship. Our headliner was the energetic and very talented Tyler Deihl (i maybe spelled that right?). I felt so blessed to have him share his talent with us and got a taste of the life of those musicians who move to Nashville to do anything to pursue their musical dreams. The best part though was to encounter in him that which we often expect is missing from ambitious young musicians these days: faith and an awareness of gratitude. Thank you Tyler for strengthening my hope for the music industry/scene. Take note of this guy, he's gonna be big someday...and I hope that his true greatness comes through sainthood.

Sunday, March 15:

Today was the first full day of the mission. It started off with a 9 am mass (the same one Audrey Assad attends...nbd) and a time of catechesis with all age levels of kids and adults. We followed what seems to be Sr. Debbie's motto for the mission and "divided and conquered". I had the good fortune of drawing the straw for the high schoolers who met in the room above the sacristy which also served as the sulphur room for those wounded during the Civil War. Yes, you read that right. We met to speak about prayer in a room formerly used to dress open wounds...and it was awesome! Not just the history of this church (built in 1847 as the first Catholic Church in Nashville) but the content of the time spent with those high schoolers sharing about ways to grow in prayer. The leadership (mostly college students) proved to be quite solid and those high schoolers are lucky to have them. Following this was a nice outing with Fr. John Baker (the priest hosting us this week who is the Chaplin for the campus ministry of Vanderbilt) for lunch at a local place where many servers know him by name. I had a really great tasting (and big) burger! Since we are with an Italian community, a time for naps came next so the sisters, Briana, and I headed back to the Nashville Dominican motherhouse where we are being hosted. I spent my free afternoon in prayer, reading Narnia, and taking a walk with Briana. It's so beautiful here as you can see from the pictures and the grounds are quite impressive.


I got my own cell!



Yep that's our humble abode behind us!

The evening was beautiful as well. We got to meet many students at the Frassati House which serves as the student center here at Vanderbilt. Evidently almost every Sunday evening involves "Sunday Supper" for the students cooked by a different student group each time. They even have a competition of who can get the best ratings. The winner wins both the "golden spatula" and pride at the end of the semester. After this we walked over to the Benton chapel which is the all faiths chapel on campus. Along the way Fr. Mirco and I prayed three mysteries of the rosary (in Italian) and viewed the beautiful campus for the first time. Fr. John brought along his portable tabernacle and crucifix for the time we had of adoration, confessions, and mass during the following three hours. It was beautiful to see the huge chapel transformed into a Catholic Church and filled with the body of Christ both mystically in the presence of the people and sacramentally in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. At the very end we were able to chat more with the students before heading back here to the convent where I currently type away on my phone recalling those nights I did this while in Italy in order to preserve the freshness of a memory for my blog. What a great reminder of that time in my life studying abroad when I walked so closely and attentively with the Lord. 

Monday, March 16:

Today was a whirlwind of a day! Luckily we didn't have to be at the Frassati House until 8:30 am so I was able to get in some exercise, a meditation, and homework before breakfast (yes college spring break consists of homework and yes I am "that girl" that not only actually does it but brings it with her to the Music Capital of the USA).
The morning, lunch, and afternoon were filled with a tour of good ole Nashville (pronounced "Nashvul" by locals apparently). We saw many things and were led by Sarah Davis who lives and works/studies here and has given many a tour in her short 2.5 years stay. I saw buildings like the original Grand Ole Opry and the skyscraper that is one of the homes of T. Swift here in the city. We went to Centennial Park where there is a mock full size replica of the Greek Parthenon and to bicentennial mall where there is an outdoor acoustic structure that amplifies a voice that sings while standing in its middle. We also ate at a place called Local Tacos which was fantastic and thankfully light. (Parish missions are often times filled with heavy homemade meals so this was a nice change of pace).

Katie, Briana, James, Me, and Sarah!

The life size replica of the Parthenon in "the Athens of the South"

Me and this gem: Katie Paulson! Missing you so much already!!

Following this we returned to Frassati House to mingle a little with the Vandy (they gave me permission to use their nickname for it) students until the evening agenda began. It was beautiful to enter into the culture of Frassati house and University Catholic (the catholic group here). A group of the students and us missionaries prayed the rosary together before mass at the beautiful adjacent cathedral before a pizza supper and Sr. Elena's talk on discernment. We got all cozy in the Sweet Eugene like atmosphere of Frassati House and eventually broke into guys and girls groups. I can't speak for the guys but our group went really well. There were many well formed and deep questions that sparked great discussion. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds with this special group of young people. It is evident that the Lord is truly working in and through them!

Sr. Elena giving a talk at Frassati House

Tuesday, March 17:

So many emotions! The best and worst part of Parish Missions happened today! First, the best! (I normally like to end on a high note but the worst only makes sense in the light of the best).
So...the best: making connections and truly dialoging with another. I've said this before and probably even blogged about it but as one who studies culture, I'm fascinated by the culture of an individual person and see entering into that as an utmost privilege. To be so honored as to be allowed into even just a glimpse of the gift that God creates in each unique life is a very precious encounter that I am keenly aware of. This happened today in a few ways.
First, I entered into the wider culture of the Nashville Dominicans when Briana and I went to mass and thus inadvertently the second half of chanted morning prayer. And by chanted I mean chanted - and at octaves higher than those known to man...especially at 6:00 in the morning.

Lauds (morning prayer) with the host family

But after the routine of prayer that morning, we (Briana, Katie, James, Sarah, Joel, and I) headed off with Focus to "the wall" where we encountered Vandy students and just chatted with them. "The wall" is apparently THE place to hold posters and rent tables to advertise for university sanctioned events and organizations. Since Focus is one of those, we assumed our position and started up random conversations. My Aggie readers will be pleased to know that the urge (and impulse really) to say "howdy" was quite frankly ridiculous and impossible to turn off. In the meantime I got to hang out with the Focus missionary Eric who I was blessed with during the informal and haphazard "pairing off" episode. It was neat to learn more about him and his life as a missionary. He also brought in a new perspective on the campus culture not being from Vanderbilt or A&M but...wait for it...'Bama. And before all you hardcore Ags get too worked up, I'll have you know that he was a standup guy with a solid faith and gave me a great impression of 'Bama grads. Anyway, I had a great time on campus getting to know a few students and getting a taste of the Vandy lifestyle. The campus is absolutely gorgeous: matching dark red brick buildings, green grass, sloping hills... It's an actual arboretum and thus has beautiful trees and plants too! After this, back at the motherhouse for "rest time" Briana and I got a tour by Sr. John Thomas who incidentally enough, was one of the sisters that visited A&M two years ago when both Briana and I were in school. We actually all ate supper after mass together one time back then.

Me, Caroline, James Edwin, Anthony, Katie, and James Edward

Then came our next appointment: Dismas House. Dismas (the name of the Good Thief who entered into Paradise right after Jesus) House is a halfway house for former prisoners looking to integrate back into the world. The students of University Catholic (aka Vandy student ministry) go to cook them supper every two weeks. This meal was an awesome experience. Everyone there was so welcoming and organized. The meal was filled with much laughter and really great food! It was beautiful to see the power in this ministry. Caroline - one of the more consistent volunteering students - told us about the change she sees in the men that come through Dismas House. I am glad this ministry exists and that the students have the opportunity to volunteer there and literally assist in the changing of lives. I hope that more places like this begin to spring up across the nation.
We got back to Frassati House just in time to here Sr. Cele's amazing talk on identity (the guys heard from Joel upstairs on the same topic). It was a beautiful talk followed by an even more beautiful discussion with the girls' vulnerability in opening up and truly contributing to the conversation.

Sr. Cele speaking on identity and having a resting heart

And then the worst part of the mission came: we had to say goodbye. 

I can't believe it is over already. Did we not just arrive?! The downside to investing in others and taking a true interest in them and their soul, is that at a certain point, you must recognize that your role is a temporary "pop-in" in their life and that you must make your exit. I know that the Lord has a plan in it all and that we will one day (God-willing) be together forever in heaven, but it really is hard to leave these people even after a few days. I have such a strong desire to see them grow and to continue to be a part of their lives so as to enter more deeply into the very promising catholic student culture that exists and continues to develop here. However, I recall those thoughts that came to mind in Italy (where goodbyes seemed much too frequent). I've learned that the things really worth it and true warrant being missed. A heart that experiences missing something, is a heart that has loved. The great and consoling news is that love continues and reigns forever thus conquering the feeling of sadness that currently resides in me and transforming it into gratitude. There are so many people to thank and I don't even know where to start so I'll just go to the source: God. Thank You Lord for this Parish Mission. Let it bear much fruit and plant many seeds that bloom vibrantly in our hearts and in the hearts of those we encountered...

Until next time Frassati House!