A taste of a joy that is complete

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you…” (John 15:11-14)

This past weekend (March 23-27) I experienced what must be a foretaste of the overwhelming joy of Heaven. I got a taste of the “complete joy” promised us by Christ Himself. I spent 5 beautiful days with true friends of God who follow His command and truly love one another. I witnessed my brother vow to lay down his life each day for his new bride who promised to submit herself to him in imitation of Christ and His Church.

Wednesday evening, after a long day of travel, I arrived at DFW surprised to be greeted by the smiling faces of my parents along with that of my brother who I had expected to be alone. Immediately a human desire of mine was granted at Five Guys Burgers and Fries as I sunk my teeth into a juicy double cheeseburger! At Brandon’s apartment I met Jen’s (and now also his) cat CJ who accompanied me throughout the night with his occasional yet seemingly often meowing.

Thursday – my first full day in Dallas – started out early as my confused body had me up and wide awake by 5 am (around noon Roman time). I was able to do a good deal of prayer before my family awoke and Brandon started frying the bacon. (Note on the food: this weekend I ate many classic unhealthy American favorites with no shame and only a little regret). Like the good ole days we ate breakfast together – our last as a family of four – laughing and making fun as we always will. But after breakfast we did something new. We ended our days of fitting comfortably in a restaurant booth or in a standard hotel room with 2 double beds with an action that is not only one of the most beautiful but one that I’d say accurately defines the main focus of the growth of our family in recent years: we prayed the rosary. In Klekar style we did so not without laughs as we all simultaneously made the sign of the cross giving a quick kiss to the crucifix after “Amen” and chased my dad who took off with the Apostles’ Creed even after we had decided that Brandon would lead us. Each had personal prayers or intentions to add before each decade and a different idea of the appropriate speed at which to roll the familiar words off of our tongues so compromises were to be made. I was forced to close my eyes in order to clog up the tears that threatened to escape at such a beautiful sight. We are all now daily rosary prayer-ers and yet we’ve never prayed it together as a family like this before, and now with Jen no one will even have to lead a decade twice!

Continuing this union in prayer we went to Mass at noon before catching a lighter lunch at Jason’s Deli. Somehow we often find ourselves shopping together and headed off to find luck at the first store we tried all together. At the second, Brandon and Dad even joined the hunt for the final piece of my dress which Brandon actually picked out. Back at the apartment Mom and Dad grabbed our bags to check into the hotel and we all began to get ready for the evening that would officially kick off the festivities for which I made the long trip from Rome.

Brandon happily referred to the weekend as their “Wedding Triduum” as Jen looked on smiling at the rehearsal. Things all started becoming real as Fr. Kevin explained in great detail when and where the couple had to stand, hold hands, repeat after him…Words and expressions like “Rite of Marriage”, “rings”, “I have”, and “Mr. and Mrs.” stung my ears and my heart began to grow warm. Never before (and never again) had I been the sister of a groom. Never before had I sat at the front row and read the first reading at a wedding. Never before had I had a sister…yet here I was.

The dinner to follow was simple and delicious. In a back room of La Hacienda Ranch the bridal party and immediate family of the bride and groom were joined by significant others and close friends for a fajita buffet. My dad gave a little “thank you” and welcome speech to start us off and the best man and maid of honor delighted us with their toasts midway through the meal. Hearing such beautiful words of my brother and his would-be wife was so amazing. Certainly I could have told them all the wonderful things they said of Brandon already knowing and loving those same qualities but there’s something different about hearing them from others who have different roles and perspectives than I do. A common theme was that of the central role of God in their relationship. How their individual striving for intimacy with the Lord not only drew them to each other but makes their striving for holiness as a couple all that much more powerful. Aside from the words, this evening was the beginning of my weekend witnessing the shared looks, small gestures, smiles, love exchanged, mutual respect, and naturally prayerful disposition of the now newlywed couple.

Friday promised for Jen a day of pampering and for Brandon one of packing. My day started early – wide awake this time around 5:30 am – in time to pray my rosary and Morning Prayer before Mass at 7 am at the beautiful Cathedral downtown. Staying for an hour of adoration after, I found myself speaking with the Lord about the beauty my heart was trying to soak in after only one day. The love shared between my brother and Jen is just so obviously pure and mutual. Already past times visiting I had noticed the way Brandon was free to be completely himself under Jen’s loving gaze and how Jen was all “google-eyed” by what for me as his sister was borderline embarrassing. Needless to say, it makes a little sister very happy to see this and my prayer, aside from being an intercession for the climax of the wedding weekend, was one of gratitude and awe at the wonders and goodness of our God.

After spending the morning with a good friend from college I returned to the hotel in time to meet Jen’s mom and mine for lunch with Jen and the girls at Newk’s. Mom and I split a pizza and shared conversation with a table of giggling girls and a miraculously calm and only slightly stressed bride all with three main things on their mind: the present moment, the next appointment(s), and the wedding itself.

To make good on the little time I had with him, mom and I went to a second lunch with Dad, Brandon, and Louis, Brandon’s best man and oldest friend. During the lunch, before me sat a young man, calm and collected, capable of both small talk and deeper sharing, more excited than nervous for the big day. This second lunch was followed by more last minute shopping. Whereas Thursday the sister of the groom finally bought a dress for the wedding, Friday marked the day the groom bought an essential to the honeymoon: swimming trunks! (Not without consulting the future wife I might add. Thank you multi-media messaging.)

Slipping away to see his future wife Brandon then left us to prepare for that evening’s events which were to be one of the most memorable and I’d also say crucial for the peace of the bride and groom. At around 7pm we all met up at the house of one of the friends along with some of the wedding party, immediate family, and members of Brandon and Jen’s separate men and women’s groups. The evening was to be dedicated to prayer through song and spontaneous intercession for the spouses-to-be. It was aptly entitled “Praise and Worship”. Singing songs picked by Brandon and Jen we formed a circle around the couple who sang and prayed with eyes closed and hands open asking for the pouring down of God’s grace and desiring to render due thanks and praise to the God without whom none of this would be possible. At a certain point we came closer placed a hand on them and with the guitar still softly playing its sweet melody in the background, spontaneous prayers began to be raised to the heavens on behalf of Brandon and Jen. Prayers for peace, grace, love, fruitfulness, and prosperity. Prayers against tragedy and suffering. Prayers of thanksgiving and hopes for the fruit to be born in the Kingdom of God by the testimony of their married love. Again my eyes were to remain closed mostly in order to hold back tears although I also felt drawn to watch the sincerity and rawness with which Brandon and Jen prayed showing the confidence and comfort of speaking to a friend who they speak with daily and yet showing also the reverence one must use when tiptoeing on holy ground. At the end Jen thanked us for joining them for prayer and added that she was glad we – as the family – were able to see the type of community it was that surrounded them there in Dallas. And what a community it is! A true witness of the meshing of the “weirdness” of young people choosing to dedicate their lives to striving for holiness renouncing that which the world upholds as its highest goods and the “normalness” of young people who love to joke, make fun, grab a beer, hike, play a game or sport, and hope to leave their mark in this life. A community that not only accepts friends as they are and meets them where they are at but challenges growth and calls to attention that which needs it. A community that lets this little sister leave her brother and new sister-in-law in peace knowing that they are more than taken care of. A community that also provokes in her a slight sting of jealousy desiring to be one who gets to participate so intimately in the daily living out of their Vocation.

Saturday: it has finally arrived! Again I’m up early – 6 am this time. I go for a walk around and around the hotel parking lot and I pray. So much was on my mind and heart so up they go: prayers of intercession, my hopes and dreams for this couple, for their joy and holiness, for the strength to live out this Vocation so blatantly attacked in our society. Prayers for peace and grace in the final hours of their preparation. Prayers for their presence to each moment soaking it all in and savoring each and every flavor. Prayers for fruitfulness: for many nieces and nephews to spoil with goodies from Italy and smother with love. Prayers of wonder at all of the good God is working through them and gratitude for the God who has put such a woman in my brother’s life causing him to express a joy that is contagious to all who can’t stop smiling at the way he keeps smiling at her. Prayers over the first reading which I would later proclaim that day of a God who rejoices in us as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride. A rich and powerful image for those around Brandon that day. Prayers that I too might exude such a joy and love in my Vocation. Prayers that I too might inspire others to strive for holiness just by the living out of my daily life. Prayers for Brandon and Jen – the groom and bride soon-to-be husband and wife.

Invited to the maid of honor’s mother’s home, my mom and I spent the day with the girls getting ready for the wedding. As usual from the start Jen was beautiful but it was fun watching the hair, make-up, and finally the dress bring out even more her natural beauty. At first I had thought I’d have rather spent the day with Brandon (not that that was ever an option!), but I’m glad to have been so included by Jen in these immediate preparations. I was also thus given the chance to get to know her bridesmaids more who are all such lovely souls. Another lovely soul in our midst, always present and joyful, was Jen’s mom Pat. I would love – and look forward to – spending more time with Pat and Jen’s entire family. Similar to ours in their laid back nature and living out of the faith, I felt instantly welcomed and comfortable around them. Even though it is Brandon who married their daughter they continued to speak of the joining of our whole families and not just the entrance of Brandon into theirs. God is certainly doing wonderful things here and blessing us greatly in the uniting of our families – a unity which is sure to bring about much growth on our journey of holiness.

Having a late wedding (7 pm), the whole day was quite relaxed. Never were we rushed and almost always were we actually ahead of schedule! I think this, plus the night of praise and worship along with a well done discernment leading up to this day, allowed Jen to live the preparation with much peace and calm. Necessary nerves were certainly felt for the “yes” to be said was not a little one but these were nerves worn with sincerity and style. Later I was to interrogate my Dad about Brandon’s behavior before the wedding and he was to confirm that it was quite similar to Jen’s: calm, joyful, serene, expectant, and eager.

At the church, more pictures were snapped and the “First Look” was set up. Contrary to common tradition, Brandon and Jen shared a moment of seeing each other in tux and gown for the first time before the wedding, followed by the pictures that, if taken after the evening celebration, would have “stolen” the reception. The First Look was a moment very precious and special for the bride and groom even if us girls were all shamelessly watching from the window (they said we could!). I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on Brandon’s face when he first saw her – certainly Jen won’t. Joy. There’s nothing else to be said. It was a joy that showed right from his heart out through his smile. Neither of them from that moment on stopped radiating this pure joy all night. And their first action together as fully dressed bride and groom was, of course, in natural “Bran-Jen” style to bow their heads in prayer before the statue of the Blessed Mother.

I’m still not sure how they tore Brandon away from her. It must have been the promise of the “one flesh union” to come in the following wedding Mass. I should also mention that Brandon cleaned up quite well and was dashingly handsome in his navy blue tux. Jen was equally eager to keep her eyes glued on him!

Blurry...but captures the joy!

The wedding Mass: I could write for days on this single hour long event. So much beauty. So much love. So much continued joy. The music, the presence of friends and family, the brief and well preached homily, the joyfully and clearly proclaimed vows…of course the treasure of the Mass itself as the height and summit of the Christian life making present the one saving sacrifice of Christ. But what will remain impressed in my mind most of all was watching Brandon and Jen truly, prayerfully participate in the Mass. There close to the altar, before the eyes of Catholics – practicing and non – and non-Catholics alike was a young couple really living the Mass. During the songs and prayers they sung and proclaimed with a loud voice and eyes held closed in concentration. Their hands remained clasped together with their free hand often and naturally raised in a posture of praise before our God. Their vows were spoken with smiles on their faces, clear voices, and watery eyes locked in an intense gaze marveling at the mystery of a God who sacramentally joins two persons through the seemingly simple repetition of words chosen long ago. In an appropriate gesture on the great feast of the Annunciation they consecrated their marriage to Our Lady offering her a bouquet of white roses and lifting up a prayer for her intercession. The Mass ended with a blessing and sending forth of the husband and wife announced as “Mr. and Mrs. Brandon and Jen Klekar.” (We’ll forgive Fr. Marco for his unfortunate mispronunciation!)

With the wedding bells rung and a few more pictures snapped, the reception began! Heavy hors d’oeuvres and drinks of all kinds accompanied the guests in the short wait to welcome the newlyweds who impressed with a well done first dance full of twirls and even ending with a dip (nicely done Brandon, nicely done)! Next the mingling commenced as the happily married couple made their rounds. Watching them I couldn’t help but notice the freedom and security they each had wanting to stay together but able to easily leave each other’s side with no sign of clinging. Jen’s love gives Brandon the confidence to know he has what it takes and is worthy of this beautiful woman’s self-gift. Brandon’s love tells Jen that she’s enough, special, treasured, cherished for who she is, and protected. Each of their love gives the other the freedom to be nothing other than utterly and authentically themselves. Then, Jen’s dad gave a beautiful toast making me proud again to be Brandon’s sister with his praiseworthy compliments and welcoming of our whole family along with Brandon into the Gavia flock. This was followed by the father-daughter dance and mother-son dance which opened up the dance floor to a mix of a well-chosen playlist offering opportunities to two-step, line dance, and break multiple moves. Enjoying myself with the various guests and family I still found myself often gazing after the newlyweds watching and witnessing their love so delicately and simply shared. In good Aggie fashion we “sawed ‘em off” in a swaying circle where I proudly (and strategically) placed myself by my brother being reminded of Aggie football games attended together. The night was approaching its end and I was beginning to prepare myself for our goodbye. Would he forget? There is a lot going on after all, but we won’t see each other again for several months. I’d sure like more than a side hug or quick hand wave. The final song “Don’t Stop Believing” – the city girl and small town boy dancing together in the middle of the crowd gathered only for them, guests of all ages screaming out the words to this timeless Journey classic. The music ends and the crowd disperses in search of sparklers and a good spot in the line leading up to the getaway car. Miraculously there remains basically only us on the dance floor. The moment I’ve been so dreading meets the moment for which he’s been so long waiting. See you in August. A look, a knowing and pained smile, a generous big-brother embrace. Of course he didn’t forget. He’ll miss me too. More than ever I loved my brother. I loved who he’s always been, who he was standing before me then, and the man he was destined to become walking this path. I loved his wife, the woman God had chosen to put by his side and entrust with Brandon’s holiness. There was so much I could say in that moment like how much I love introducing myself as “Brandon’s little sister” and look for every opportunity to do so. Or how proud I truly was to be able to claim this man of great faith who leads through his example. Or how full and yet light my heart was in the rays of his contagious joy. Once Brandon told me that he wanted to be a role model in everything for me as my big brother – even in the faith. Well, I could have told him how inspired I was by his holiness to strive more determinedly towards my own. I could’ve shared my hopes, dreams, and prayers I have for him and Jen in this adventure of life together as one. I love you. I’m proud of you. You did good. I say as I motion to Jen. I love you too. I know, Brandon. I know. A hug to Jen – the sister I always wanted and a sincere thanks for including me so warmly in even her side of the preparation and festivities.

They’ve arrived at the car. The scene is set for a perfect get away. Sparklers lighting the dark sky, he dramatically dips her for a kiss, the family steals another hug, he chivalrously opens the door and seats his bride-turned-wife before getting in himself, and they are off. Only a few short hours separating them from their flight to sunny paradise!

My heart is full. There is just a tinge of sadness. Sadness at the end of an era. The end of “the 4 of us”. The end of “Brandon’s place” knowing from now on she’ll always be there. Sadness perhaps hinted also with jealousy of having to share my Brandon which now must become our. But this hint of sadness is overcome by such great joy! Joy of a new beginning. Joy at being 5. Joy at going to visit Brandon and finding her always there. And not just any her but Jen – the girl I met and instantly liked even before I knew they were friends. The girl that makes Brandon smile like that and will run alongside of him so as to win the crown of glory. Yes, Saturday marked the sadness of an end but also the great joy of a new beginning. What lies ahead only time will tell, and I can’t wait to live every present moment of it!

Sunday met me with a hangover of joy and constant thoughts of the happy couple and how they were living their honeymoon and recent made vows. A beautiful breakfast with family at Denny’s allowed me time to make good on this chance to come home half way through year one in Rome. Swapping stories of Rome life for those of home life, we laughed through the meal enjoying each other’s’ presence. The end came too soon and our goodbyes were said with a hopeful look forward to August that “will certainly come quickly.”

I spent the afternoon walking around a beautiful lake and chatting with another newlywed couple and dear friends from college. It was nice to catch-up.

That evening after Mass it was just me, Mom, and Dad. Walking around downtown Dallas we chatted like old times laughing and making fun as well as often wondering aloud at the doings of Brandon and Jen at that moment. We commented on the wedding, our favorite parts and the impression it had left on us. We shared memories of Brandon and first moments of Jen in our lives – moments that will quickly be multiplying. We decided on take-out (pizza and mozzarella sticks) to be eaten in the privacy and comfort of our hotel room for our last night together before my return flight to Rome. Very simple but all we needed: time together and rest.

Monday morning seemed to come quick as my departure became real again. After some last minute errands, a long breakfast at Ihop, and wasting time in Kohls we headed to the airport. Sitting in the car replaying the funniest moments of the weekend tears brimmed my eyes in the midst of one of those hard laughs Dad and I often share: tears due to the laugh but also to the emotion of leaving. Staring at my parents after the weekend with Brandon we had just had, I was more aware than ever of what I was leaving behind. I love my family in all their quirks and imperfections. I love my story and where I come from. I love that they support me in my life choices to the extent of driving me to the flight that will separate us with the ocean even when it breaks their heart. Like the love Brandon and Jen share, that of my parents also makes me free. Free to fly – literally and figuratively. Free to be me and pursue my heart’s greatest desires. Free to discover who God has created me to be and follow Him wherever it is that He would lead me. The freedom of a loving gaze constant and pure. A gaze that says between tears that even more than I want you to stay, I want you to go because I know it is what is best for you and what will make you most happy. A gaze that truly wants the other’s good. And now I sit aboard my international flight fighting back my own tears as I review this weekend’s beautiful events. More than ever before I want to stay and experience the newness of this adventure of “5” and walk with Brandon and Jen in their adventure of “2”, but this isn’t my reality. God has other plans for us. Plans greater than my ideas because reality is superior to ideas, and we live in reality not the ideas that roam around in my mind (thank goodness!!!). So I entrust myself again in His hands. I entrust Mom and Dad, Brandon and Jen. I entrust our relationship defined by distance, and I look to the Heavenly Father with trust and love knowing that my reality is a gift and work of mercy leading me Home to Him. What is entailed of my reality is what is “necessary” for my holiness. This is my avenue to sainthood and, inspired by the witness of Brandon and Jen’s pursuit of God in their everyday life, I embrace it in the good and bad, beautiful and ugly, easy and difficult with hope and joy of a “tomorrow” together that one day will never end.