Oh now You’re just showing off!
You know when someone goes over the top to demonstrate their
capacity to do something? That person who doesn’t hesitate to go an extra mile
just to remind you that they can? Well…for me, in these weeks, that person has
been none other than God Himself! Let me give you a few examples…
Parting the “Red Sea”…again
In my last post I mentioned that my current source of
anxiety was my learning to drive a stick shift. My how far we’ve come from
those days!! First off, I don’t experience NEAR as much anxiety as I did at
that time. In fact, beyond feeling rather comfortable behind the wheel (and all
5 gears), I actually kind of like it! Driving a stick shift is already enough
of an adventure on its own but when it occurs in Rome, that’s a whole other
kind of monster! However, I must admit that I don’t feel all that challenged
yet in the sense that the Lord has certainly shown His hand again and again in
my driving adventures. The first time I drove to school in the morning, I was
dreading the final piece when we basically have to stick the nose of the car
out into oncoming traffic until they stop to be able to reach the entrance of the
university that is not conveniently near to any stop light. In my good fortune
(which I prefer to call Providence), the moment I arrived in the car, I didn’t
even have to stop because there was – miraculously, I assure you – no one
coming and enough space for me to turn without even having to shift gears! More
recently, I hit about all the green lights possible including the dreaded red
light that divides our uphill stretch just before reaching the city center. That
day we arrived to school earlier than ever before! The great thing about all
this is that in the meantime I am only gaining confidence in my driving skills
so the challenges that do come up phase me less. But most importantly, I get to
smile all day long recognizing how God really does love us in the details!
“Posso darti un invito?” (Can I give you an invite?)
Every Monday, after school, we take a short trip in the car
to another university – the biggest in Rome – the Sapienza. Here we meet up
with some of the other sisters to have lunch with any students around, animate
an hour of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament in the chapel on campus with
songs and prayers, and then walk around sparking conversations with the
students we meet about life, faith, and God. This last part is often called “evangelization”
and is not something that comes naturally to me. I would much rather keep to
myself secretly hoping that a deep conversation about these topics I do enjoy
happens upon me. However, in this case, we are the ones seeking to create these
conversations and satisfy the thirst to speak about something of depth and profound
meaning that, in reality, we all have. So far, all of my experiences have been
really great! Pairing up with a sister with vows, I have the opportunity also
to learn much from her personal approach and years of experience. Two of the
times now I have been with Sabina and we have happened upon a group of young
men studying or chatting in the green lawn in front of one of the department
buildings. In both occasions, the initial reaction was one of little interest
as we use the excuse of passing out flyers for a discounted student trip to
Siena to “disturb their peace” and enter into dialogue. In fact, in the second
experience we were met with a harsh “no” before even one pair of eyes! However,
in both cases we were able to embark on a conversation starting with simple questions
about their studies and interests before entering into our story (how we have
chosen to give our lives to God and to sharing Him with others). It’s always beautiful
to see the questions and curiosities of the human heart. Even those furthest
from the belief in God – or perhaps especially these – when given the chance,
show a great depth of desire for meaning and understanding. There is certainly
fear in not knowing how to respond to something but I’m learning that
principally two things occur before a question we don’t have the answer to: (1)
the Holy Spirit jumps in with the right words to say, or (2) the best thing for
that moment is to admit not having the answer and offering to let the person
know after seeking it out. After the most recent encounter with a couple of
young men and Sabi, the Lord found Himself another opportunity to flex His
muscles. It was already enough that He’d gifted us with a beautiful half hour length
conversation but He decided to do even more! Walking around with Sabi I spotted
a young man sitting alone and reading. Pointing him out to Sabi she encouraged
me to go on my own saying that it would be too overwhelming to approach him in two. Nervously walking over to him, rehearsing my line about the Siena trip
in my mind, I was prepared for a quick “no” that would send me directly back to
Sabi. However, instead this young man looking me in the eye and accepted my
invitation to talk about this Siena trip – which in reality I know virtually
nothing about. From there we were able to go deeper as he expressed his lack
of belief in the existence of God due to suffering and evil he’s seen in the world
particularly in the realm of politics and civil life as his major is political
science. Despite him seeming rather convinced of his own ideas, he remained
open and curious to hear from this young girl with an obvious American accent
attempt to explain her own experience of the existence of God in her limited Italian. In
this brief conversation, I truly felt the Spirit working in keeping me calm and
giving me ideas of questions to ask or examples to share to keep the conversation
going. In the end, he saw the friends he had been waiting for but the thing
that really surprised and impressed me was the way he motioned for me to wait
as he went over to them. From the distance I could see him using the same
gesture to ask them to wait as he turned and came quickly back to me. His
friends looked rather agitated but waited. Back with me he continued explaining
his final point and apologized for having to leave. I was really struck with the
way he desired to continue the conversation when many others would have gladly
used seeing their friends as an excuse to cut it short. As he turned to go away
and I sent up a prayer for him and his journey, I couldn’t help but smile at
the workings of our Great God who in His own perfectly humble way was certainly
“showing off” in that moment.
“What would you like to hear?”
Another gift I received from the Lord recently was the
opportunity to suggest a theme for the meditation for our monthly retreat. Us
girls in formation have our monthly retreats on Sundays since we can’t take a
day of silence during the school week. These retreats always begin with a
meditation (a reflection on the Word of God or a theme on the spiritual life)
by one of the sisters who already has vows. This past retreat was preached to
us by Tiziana – the second of the community. I happened to find myself alone
with her the evening before and she off-handedly asked me what I wanted to hear
about in her meditation. My first reaction – before remembering I was talking
to Tiziana whose style is very “off the cuff” – was: you haven’t prepared it
yet?! But in remembering who I was talking to, I was able to think seriously
about the question and the opportunity that was before me. Many different ideas
came to my mind but the Lord led me to be simple and honest with what was on
my heart even if it wasn’t anything extravagant or impressive. In the end I
left the conversation wondering if I shouldn’t have said something different
and all the usual over-analytical thinking I often fall into. However, the next
day, in listening to the meditation, I found my ears welcoming all the things
my heart needed to hear in this moment. It was really incredible! Even things I
didn’t share with her found their way into the reflection and fit perfectly
with my current experience! The whole time I couldn’t shake the feeling of the
total gift I was receiving. The gift of the meditation in itself but also the
gift of being able to participate in it by simply sharing with Tiziana what was
on my heart.
A note about my “ordinary life”
Since I am not sure when I will have time to write again, I
will leave yall with a couple of words about the daily life I am living…
School
So…I am officially a freshman all over again, but I must
admit that I don’t feel at all like I am reliving college. In fact, with the
culture and the subject matter, I hardly recognize any resemblance to what I
already lived at A&M. In the Italian style and being a very small private
university, I spend all morning in the same classroom with the same 40ish people as different
professors come to us to teach their lessons. There is no concept of classes on
Monday, Wednesday, Friday and classes on Tuesday, Thursday. Instead there is,
what seems to me, a random organization of the classes in accord with the availability
of the professors and in attempt to avoid a conflict of any two classes necessary
for one student.
I am really enjoying the subject matter so far. I am currently
in my first year of Philosophy. We take two years of Philosophy and three of
Theology to earn a Bachelors degree in Theology. My current classes are as follows:
Introduction to Theology (we already have one theology class a semester),
Introduction to Philosophy, History of Ancient Philosophy, Philosophical Anthropology
(perhaps my favorite!), Methodology (how to write and do citations correctly), and
Logic (certainly my least favorite!).
All of the lessons are taught in Italian – a language
obviously not my own so this certainly doesn’t remind me of A&M. Thankfully,
however, since I studied Italian at A&M, I am not having that much
difficulty with the language. I was actually expecting a greater struggle in
this department but I am able to understand (aside from a few words here and
there) as well as take notes all in Italian. The real test (no pun intended)
will be the oral exam at the end of the semester which will count as the only
test for the whole class and will be done in Italian. Y’all can start praying
now please. Thanks!
“Pesce alla Cherise”
You know the desire to be known for being good at something?
I have that for cooking. I like the idea of being known as…I don’t know…the girl
really good at cooking meat (I am from Texas after all), or at baking or even
at being creative with the same vegetables that are donated to use week after
week. But never did I desire, or quite frankly expect, to hear an applause and
excited squeals from the sisters I live with at the fact that I will be cooking fish for
supper. How did this happen you ask? Well one day I decided to make fish and
wanted to do something simple and lemony so…I merely marinated the fish (for
only an hour) in lemon juice, sliced lemon, salt and pepper. Then, after the
hour was up, I battered each piece in flour and pan fried it in a little oil
and served it hot. This has become so loved as a recipe that I no longer have
freedom when making fish. I must make it this way no question. Now, this isn’t something
I mind by any means and it is objectively very delicious as a dish especially
when eaten hot off the stove but completely and utterly unexpected. And it is
these unexpected little joys that bring a true smile to my heart.
I pray that we all can remain upon to these small unexpected
joys and ready to recognize the way that God is loving each of us today in the
details!
