My One Reoccurring Thought

As I walk home across the short pasture that separates my house from Grandma's with tears brimming at my eyes because I have to leave once again, I have the reoccurring thought that has been following me for the past several months now: God You are so good. But this thought does not occur alone. In fact it constantly precedes the haunting question: Why? Why are You so good to me who does not merit any of this on my own? Indeed I cannot claim the one thing that does merit His goodness which is the love with which He created me.

I am reminded of His goodness and haunted with this "why" daily as I look around myself. Who am I really to have this beautiful piece of land, these wonderful loving people in my life, and countless other blessings that I don't always even recognize? To what of myself can I attribute the fact that I attend an amazing university (A-Whoop) with an even more amazing Catholic campus ministry to provide me with a true home away from home? Nothing. I am nothing...not without Him. As a matter of fact, I am only something because of Him.

Therefore, I can come to no other conclusion but to that of my primary identity. It is not that I deserve these things or that I have worked hard to earn them. My life is how it is simply because He loves me. Simply because I am loved by Him who is Love. I need not do anything but be. I am and He gives generously. My cup overfloweth. He has loved me with an everlasting love. I am His.
Even when I do wrong - when I sin - I find favor with the Father who awaits me with open arms and a slaughtered calf. It really quite amazes me that I can walk around all day and not be overwhelmed to the point of disability to function by this fact. That I can actually sometimes completely ignore it. How ungrateful and selfish am I in these moments. And how patient and devoted is He.

Even in pain and suffering God is still God and never leaves our side. He is forever faithful and keeps all of His promises. Perhaps in those moments of suffering the realization of God's goodness is that much more striking and precious. It is then that we are granted entrance into His own suffering (at least a glimpse) - suffering He willingly underwent for our sake. Because He, who is far above us, did not have to take on our corrupt flesh and endure the worst kind of death. He is God. He does not have to do anything. So why did He? Because He loves us.  But we are so bad, so broken, so selfish, so sinful, so...human. Why God? Because you need Me. Because you are Mine. Because I Am.

May this reason why be enough for you and may your days be forever haunted with this same reoccurring thought because indeed God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.