Behind the Liturgy: The Dress

As mentioned in a previous post, our community lives off of God’s Divine Providence. This means that the goods we have – the food on our table and the clothes on our backs – are all thanks to the Good Father who works through the generosity of others to provide for us. You can imagine then that, since our community doesn’t have a habit, I was kind of nervous at the idea of having to find an appropriate dress for my vows. In the past God has provided in different ways for this moment. Some sisters have put together an outfit from clothes already in their closet, others have received it as a gift from their family, and one even received a dress “in providence” (meaning that it literally arrived in a bag of clothes left at our doorstep) in the year leading up to her vow ceremony.

For me, God chose to work in a particular way through my parents. Both my mom and dad desired to not only pay for the dress but also to spend the time looking for it with me. This is quite virtuous, since they, better than anyone, know how hard I can be to shop with. (Let’s just say that it’s not exactly my favorite pastime.) But because of them, I now have a dress and I want to share with you my adventure in finding it…

I find the phenomenon of the wedding dress search to be quite fascinating. Perhaps this is so only because I just recently found myself living these dynamics in my own search for a vows dress. And, as many movies, bridal magazines, and countless bridal stores that never go out of business attest to, the search basically all comes down to one little criteria: it has to be perfect. Easy enough right? 

"Perfect" is a daunting word, especially when it's your only style preference, but it somehow works in the wedding dress industry. I mean, it really is as if the bride just knows. Maybe she'll have to try on a dozen dresses or go to a dozen stores (like me) but when she puts it on and sees herself in the mirror, it's like she just feels it or something and knows it's the one. 

But why is this part so important for the bride? Why does it really matter so much what she wears? Ever ask yourself these questions? Probably not because it is so ingrained in our culture (in many societies really) that no one questions it. They just know it to be true. 

For me, the only time I started considering this question, and its possible answers, was when it was finally my turn. As my search, which even had an online phase, continued on without finding "the one" I began to ask myself: Cherise, why does it matter so much to you what your dress is like that day? I even had the audacity to try to convince myself that my vows day was less important than a wedding day and therefore it was nonsense to fret over the dress. Which is ridiculous, by the way, because my vows day is the day I become the bride of Christ, therefore it's like a wedding day and so of course it is as important. 

(And just for the record: I do think it's nonsense to lose peace or sleep over a dress whether it be for a wedding day or a day of consecration. But I also believe it's not good to lose peace or sleep over pretty much anything unless there's a Holy Spirit led conversion of heart going on.)

So what, you ask, was my conclusion to this pondering? Why is it justifiable to think that my vows dress should be "perfect"? 

I'd like to preface my answer with one ulterior reflection on the wedding dress search. 

Who does the bride usually invite shopping with her: mom and dad (or at least mom), other important women in her life, her closest friends, and, perhaps, even her future mother-in-law. She might be willing to share pictures of it with those who couldn't come along to know what they think or to see their smile as they imagine her in it. But who is the one person whose opinion really matters? It's the same person with whom she cannot confront about the dress: the bridegroom. 

For the bride, turning the heads of everyone in the church means nothing if the groom is not the first to acknowledge her beauty. Many brides would probably sacrifice every compliment they received that day just to experience one more time the look on the groom's face when they first entered into view. You see, I agree with Katherine Heigl's character Jane in the 2008 romantic comedy "27 Dresses" as she speaks about that moment: You know how the bride makes her entrance and everybody turns to look at her? That’s when I look at the groom. Cause his face says it all you know? The pure love there.

Love. The bride wants to look perfect for love. And the bride is only able to achieve the "perfect" look because of love. 

She's not worried about the fact that her one criteria for the dress is that it be "perfect", and neither are we worried for her. We know that she will find the perfect one and that she will be beautiful. And we know this because "perfect", in this case, is the dress that makes her feel most herself and brings out in her the woman that her bridegroom is so utterly in love with. And when he sees her, when he sees the woman he loves and desires to give himself completely to, his face truly will say it all and everyone in the church will know that, for him, she is perfect. And this is why we, like Jane, after seeing the bride all dressed up in the one gown that gave her that mysterious but certain "feeling", steal a quick glance back at the groom to see his reaction. 

And so yes, the dress, be it for a wedding or a consecration, is important. Not for the sake of worldly beauty that the Book of Proverbs wisely reminds us is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30), but for the sake of the beauty of pure love. The dress plays a key role in that moment when everyone in the church, if just for a short time, is invited into a most intimate exchange of gazes between lovers and is reminded that pure love lies at the deepest roots of the human heart's greatest desires. 

And when I take those first steps down the aisle on the day of my consecration, I hope that everyone who looks at me does so only long enough to desire to see the Bridegroom, to seek His face, to wonder at the love overflowing from His gaze. I hope that any worldly beauty they see in me is recognized as just a mere reflection of a deeper interior beauty born and cultivated by the love of the One who awaits my total "yes" at the altar. And my sincere prayer is for everyone who, in that moment, asks themselves if there is a love like that out there for them; if there is a joy like that in this life for them. The answer is a resounding "yes". That love and joy is found in the same Bridegroom who never ceases to call His beloved, to call you: Come. 

You didn't actually think I'd put a photo of my dress on the internet before my vows did you? 

A thank you goes out to all who helped and supported me in my vows dress search: Mom and Dad (who bought it), my sister-in-law Jen, Aunt Sharon, my sisters in community especially Tatum and Catherine who came with me, Mother Mary - whose intercession was undoubtedly influential - and countless others who suggested websites, stores, and always reminded me that Jesus had a better dress in mind than the one that didn't work out. Y'all were right.

Behind the Liturgy: The Readings

As in every Mass, the first part of the Liturgy of my vows will be the Liturgy of the Word. Christ, who is the Word Made Flesh, makes Himself present to us through Sacred Scripture. Being the Mass of my profession of vows, I actually have the great privilege to choose the readings, psalm, and Gospel that will be read that day. Of course, the Church in her great maternal care, helps me out by also giving me a list of suggested readings for this event. 

The First Reading: Song of Songs 2:8-14

The sound of my lover! here he comes springing across the mountains, leaping across the hills. My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. See! He is standing behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattices. My lover speaks and says to me, “Arise, my friend, my beautiful one, and come! For see, the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of pruning the vines has come, and the song of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines, in bloom, give forth fragrance. Arise, my friend, my beautiful one, and come! My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the secret recesses of the cliff. Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”

This reading from Song of Songs is very dear to me. It is this reading - with which I prayed intensely in the last days of December of last year - that accompanied me in the period leading up to the confirmation that I would be taking my vows. During the Mass it will actually be read by one of my sisters in Italian, so that my heart may hear once more the same words that first touched it so deeply and sweetly on December 21, 2018. 

What first struck me about this passage is actually lost in the English translation. In Italian, the verse “and the song of the turtledove is heard in our land” reads more like this: “the time to sing has returned.” With those words, the Lord was revealing to me that He missed my voice, that I hadn’t sung to Him in a while – which was very well the case. 

And from there my attention was brought back to a couple of verses before: “Arise, my friend, my beautiful one, and come!” Every woman desires to be called beautiful and to belong to someone, or at least I know that my feminine heart greatly desires these two things. In these few words I finally opened my eyes to see before me One who longed for me to lift my gaze and meet His. Someone who desired to call me His but who found in my heart many attachments to other lesser loves. Before me, asking for my love, was the only One with the power to make me love Him and yet preferred my freedom. 

“Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” At the conclusion of that first prayer with this passage, renewed in me were the spousal desires of my heart. As a bride, I desired to give a love to my Bridegroom that no one else could, to enter into the part of His heart that was reserved only for me. And so I prayed and asked Him how I could ever be so bold as to think I could fill Him who has never known emptiness. His answer was immediate and simple: give me that which I refuse to take from you: your free and total “yes” to my call. 

The Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 37

Response: Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart’s desire

Trust in the LORD and do good

that you may dwell in the land and live secure

Find your delight in the LORD

who will give you your heart’s desire.

Commit your way to the LORD;

trust in him and he will act

And make your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like noonday 

Be still before the LORD;

wait for him.

Do not be provoked by the prosperous,

nor by malicious schemers.

The valiant one whose steps are guided by the LORD,

who will delight in his way

May stumble, but he will never fall,

for the LORD holds his hand.

Although it will be sung in English, this is another passage from the Word of God that most strikes me in Italian. It is a psalm that has been accompanying me in my formative journey since my first semester in Rome three years ago. 

At the time, the words that most struck me were “that you may dwell in the land” which, translated literally from the Italian text I prefer, is more like: “dwell the land!” It first hit my heart as a battle cry. Dwell the land! which is to say, live in the present moment; root yourself in the concrete reality around you; work the soil with your very hands. It is in the present moment that we meet Christ and His grace. He has given us this reality because He knows it is what will bring us most swiftly and directly back with Him to the Father’s house where He longs to dwell with us for all eternity. It is a gift given to us in His mercy.

With time other verses began to touch my heart as well. “Find your delight in the Lord who will give you your heart’s desire.” What a promise!...and what a journey! It’s not always easy for us to arrive at truly seeing and believing that the Lord is our delight and that the desire of our heart that He fulfills is ultimately Himself. I am at the beginning of this journey.

“…and he will act”. Translated from my preferred version in Italian: “He will complete his work.” Another big promise. The Lord will finish the work He started in me. He is the one who called me. I seek to answer but only with the cooperation of His grace can I arrive at the destination He has in mind. 

“Be still before the Lord, wait for him.” Oh how sweetly these words have soothed my heart in the last few years. Often in the chapel I will repeat them countless times and just sit there, asking for the grace to increase my hope. 

“…May stumble, but he will never fall, for the Lord holds his hand.” What can I say? It’s a psalm full of not-so-little promises. 

The Second Reading: 1 John 4: 7-16

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us. This is how we know that we remain in him and he in us, that he has given us of his Spirit. Moreover, we have seen and testify that the Father sent his Son as savior of the world. Whoever acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God remains in him and he in God. We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.

I’ll share with y’all a little secret: without even consulting the list of suggestions, I knew all of the readings I wanted for the Mass of my vows except for the Second Reading. However, the first time I saw this option on the list, I was immediately reminded of the encounter I had with God’s love six years ago in the Hannigan Chapel at St. Mary’s Catholic Center in College Station. 

When someone asks me about my vocation story I often share of this encounter (which you can read about here). It was in that experience of God’s immense love freely given to me that two desires were born in my heart: (1) to know this God who loved me so much, and (2) to discover my personal way of responding to that love. 

“God is love.” Recently one of my sisters here in Rome gave a meditation and quoting this verse encouraged us to reflect on it asking the Lord: how are You loving me today? She even challenged us to ask Him this question in our suffering. If God is love, He cannot not love us in every moment. Following this logic, allowing us to suffer could very well be a way in which He loves us. But how? I think I could spend a whole lifetime reflecting on that, but for now, I think this daily practice is good for all of us: God, You who are Love, how are you loving me today?

“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another.” If this isn’t an evident need in our world today, I don’t know what is. But loving others isn’t easy so we can’t do it with just the force of our own will. We must first recognize the love God has for each of His children to be able to go beyond our own weaknesses and selfishness in loving one another. Heavenly Father, please give us this grace. 

“We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us.” Have we really? Some days I can answer “yes” to that but, if I’m honest, there are many others in which my thoughts, words, and actions testify to a different message. With this reading, let us ask for the grace to truly live from the belief and knowledge of God’s immense love for us!

The Gospel: Luke 1:26-38

In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the house of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary. And coming to her, he said, “Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you.” But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” But Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?” And the angel said to her in reply, “The holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; for nothing will be impossible for God.” Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.

Mary is the woman of the perfect yes. Before an abyss of the unknown, she responds to God in total trust. She does not concentrate on the missing details or the struggles that are sure to come of this unthinkable situation. She looks with love to the One she knows loves her, and she trusts Him. 

The fact that I am making my vows the day before the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of Mary is no accident. It is actually quite intentional that an Apostle of the Interior Life make her vows on or near a Marian feast day. Why? Because Mary is our model. She, and she alone, can say to have cooperated so completely with the grace of God to have followed His will perfectly in every moment of her life. 

I, too, desire this totality in following the Lord, and this Gospel passage when read as if for the first time really stirs up in the heart that marvel and awe that inspires to aspire. In the same moment that I recognize myself incapable of such a response, I feel encouraged and dare to dream it possible for me. Mary’s presence has that effect. She fascinates with her boldness and courage that go beyond what we would judge to be humanly possible and, then, she gently holds out her hand and invites us to come along for the adventure as if it were the most natural thing to do. 

I pray that this passage may be for all of us not only an inspiring story about another but a catalyst for our own story. May we join Mary in her hymn of trust: be it done unto me according to Your word.

The Annunciation 1894 Frederick James Shields

Mary, Mother of God and our Mother…pray for us.