Newsletter Update January 2024

Dear Family and Friends,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Unto us a Child is born, One who is to bring salvation to all the nations. What good and joyful news for us all! I pray that this Christmas season has brought with it many blessings for you and your family and that the light of the Christ child has illuminated any areas of your heart that may feel oppressed by darkness. He has come and He keeps on coming so we may have hope and take courage!

As per usual, I am happy to share with you some of what has happened in my life over the last few months...

Important Events

- In September and October, we sisters offered a mini-series on evangelization with the students here at Texas A&M and were able to even do hands-on experiences with them on campus. It was a particular joy getting to not only speak about evangelization but to do it along side of them.

- November unofficially became "AVI Parents Month" as many of our parents visited us in College Station during that time.

- On November 19 I became a Godmother (for the first time) to a beautiful baby boy named David Michael Ortiz. He is the son of good friends Michael and Samantha Ortiz. 

- On December the 8th Sr. Kate Cropp became the 19th Apostle of the Interior Life to profess the promises of chastity, poverty, and obedience. Her consecration was held at the St. Lawrence Catholic Center in Lawrence, KS. It is there that God called Kate to be totally His while she was a student at KU.

My parents and I in front of our chapel in College Station

Story Time

December 7th marked the 4th anniversary of my consecration as an Apostle of the Interior Life. It was a day uniquely impacted by the Lord's presence, showing up in mysterious ways that I could have never anticipated but that I truly needed...

That morning I was struck by the first reading from the prophet Isaiah (Is 26:1-6):

A nation of firm purpose you keep in peace;

in peace, for its trust in you.

Trust in the LORD forever!

For the LORD is an eternal Rock.

I had prayed with this very reading during the retreat in preparation for my consecration that I had done, led by my formator Sr. Janel. I remember having been struck by the idea of being "of firm purpose" and of receiving the Lord's gift of peace by simply choosing to trust in Him, my Rock. Again, 4 years later, I found myself in need of that very peace that only the Lord could give, and I felt invited to surrender in trust to Him.

As Vocation Director it was my job to organize "all-things-Liturgy" for the consecration of our newest sister Kate. I was not necessarily surprised by the anxiety and stress that I was experiencing. After all, I've been living with myself for over 30 years now: my perfectionism and performance anxiety is no new thing to me. It was a kind of default for me - a safe space - to take an analytical approach, paying attention to minute details and reviewing various lists and checkboxes in my mind. However, I was keenly aware that the Lord desired more for me in those days - that, perhaps, in fact, I desired more for myself too. He wanted me to be attuned to my heart and not only to my mind. He wanted me to truly enter into those days, let go of the control, and cling to the eternal Rock in trust...and in peace.

This meant that I first needed to recognize where I was not at peace, to name those fears and anxieties burdening my heart, to notice what wasn't going the way I had planned and to acknowledge my helplessness to do anything about it. It also meant noticing how inwardly focused I was and how all of my anxiety revolved around me. And finally, it meant having to accept myself in that very instant, exactly how I was.

As we entered into the final preparations for the adoration vigil that we Apostles host on the eve of a first consecration, the anxious feelings of my heart could no longer be rationalized away or kept at bay by the controlling thoughts of my brain. I felt overcome by the pressure to be perfect (according to my unreachable standard of perfection) and to make everyone happy (according to another of my unreachable standards). I was unable to hide it any longer and found myself the recipient of my sisters' concern and kind words. I was even prayed over spontaneously by three of my sisters who, with this act of simple and yet great faith, reminded me that the Lord is my eternal Rock and at each moment I can entrust myself to Him again and open myself up to His peace.

A few moments later, Kate appeared, all dressed and ready to head to the church for the adoration vigil. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but something about how she entered the room, the smile on her face, and the shared wonder and awe of us sisters and women in formation as we looked upon this bride-to-be...something about the sense of that moment caused a shift in my heart.

I slowly walked upstairs to get ready for the evening myself. As another couple of sisters rummaged around in the room, gathering last minute things and filling their purses, I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes for a second. Taking some slow deep breaths, I returned to the image of Kate walking into the living room on her way to the car. No longer only consumed with myself, I began to talk to the Lord about that moment: Lord, Kate is so beautiful. You must be so proud and filled with joy that she is giving herself to you so completely through her consecration tomorrow. Of this there was no doubt in my mind, and it was as if I was participating in His pride and joy. And then, ever so gently and tenderly He spoke back to me: Yes, just as I am so proud and filled with joy that you have given yourself to me through your consecration.

Peace flooded my heart. No doubt was in my mind. I was set firmly on the eternal Rock. The Lord knew me. He knew of my tendencies to perfectionism and to anxiety when He called me to Himself years ago. He knew me in that present moment in which I had allowed those fears to overwhelm me and distract me from what was True, Good, and Beautiful. He knew me after 4 years of consecration and was still looking upon me as His beautiful bride of whom He is well pleased. I opened my eyes with a smile on my face and left the house with a new strength that was not of me.

The songs we sang in the adoration vigil that evening were handpicked for Kate and yet they gave me a chance to celebrate my own consecration anniversary with a new awareness of how the Lord continues to make "Beautiful Things" out of my life, of His desire to be my "One Thing", and of our mutual desire to "Sing My Love" to each other.

The music team and Kate (the one in the middle)
the day after her consecration

Where is my heart?

As perhaps made clear through my story time, as of late, my heart has been experiencing a wide variety of emotions. It's like the Lord is allowing me to become more keenly aware of my interior movements so as to be able to invite Him more intentionally into them. It's not always easy (or pleasant) to grow in this awareness. In fact, at times, I really would rather just play the "ignorance-is-bliss" card and not give my heart any attention at all. But, as I learned on December 7th, the Lord desires more for me than a false mental control that momentarily distracts me from the fears and anxieties of my heart. He calls me to live in the integrity of my whole person: mind, body, heart, spirit. 

And - as also alluded to in the story above - I find that His desire matches my own. Deep down, I also desire to live fully and profoundly; to feel the effect of each movement of my heart; to give names to these movements and not have them exist in me as hidden forces I do not know. Ever so gently and tenderly the Lord calls me into this. And when I resist - when I pull away - He remains firm, calling me to Him, promising His presence, His peace, His love. 

A tool that I have found to be helpful for me to enter into this integration of my whole person into my relationship with Christ is that of the Daily Examen Prayer. This prayer originates from the spiritual tradition of St. Ignatius of Loyola. This past semester, in a particular way, I have allowed this form of prayer to take a more prominent role in my daily life, and I am seeing it's many fruits already even now. 

The way I live the prayer is simple. At the end of the day, when all of my tasks are done and all that remains is to go to bed...

1. I put myself intentionally in the presence of the Lord: Come Lord Jesus. Here I am before You.
2. I start to remember the moments (both big and small) of my day in chronological order and...
1. I praise Him and thank Him for His many gifts
2. I ask forgiveness for where I didn't respond fully to Him or I failed to love
3. I linger in the different thoughts, feelings, desires I experienced in those moments and allow the Lord to see me there as only He does
3. I look forward to the next day and already then invite Him into the different experiences I foresee
4. I finish with a simple prayer of praise: All Glory be...

This prayer often only takes about 5-10 minutes although I find myself remaining longer at times. It has become a space of great intimacy with the Lord, especially when it comes to lingering in how I lived certain moments. No one else knows or sees those heart movements or little thoughts or deep desires. I wouldn't even be able to fully communicate them if I tried. And yet, God knows them and sees them, and He loves me in them. He delights in me sharing them with Him. And so, too, do I find joy in inviting Him into those otherwise unchartered territories of my heart. 

Prayer Intentions

For my family: for the gift of good health and for continued growth in holiness 

For my godson David and his parents, Michael and Samantha, at the beginning of his life and faith journey.

For my sisters living with me here in Texas: for our community life and for the mission that we share

For Sr. Francesca and her family: for the soul of her mom, Filomena, who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly just a few days before Christmas

For Sr. Kate as she travels back to Rome to continue her daily life there as a newly consecrated member of the Apostles of the Interior Life 

For all the women in formation and in discernment with our community as they seek to know God's love and respond fully to it in the Vocation that He is calling them to 

For the new semester of campus ministry here at St. Mary's Catholic Center in College Station that serves the students of Blinn, Rellis, and Texas A&M

With Bishop Joe Vasquez at the celebration
of the 75th Anniversary of the Diocese of Austin

United in Him,

Sr. Cherise