Learning from wild flowers: June 2017

28 June 2017

Dear Family and Friends,

I write to you later than usual because final classes and studying for exams kept me busy all through May and June. Finally I am FREE from school for a while – and oh boy is freedom just so sweet! I have more time than I’ve had in a while without mornings taking exams and afternoons filled with study. And what will I do with it all you ask?...I don’t know yet! I’m still celebrating this new found “leisure” time! Certainly community life doesn’t lack options with which to fill my time. Of course, as always prayer and chores remain, and now there is the added preparations for our month away in the mountains. There are luggages to pack, lists to check (again and again), houses to close up, and cars to load. Oh…and a pilgrimage of 50 American young adults arrives in Rome today led by a group of our sisters and brother, Fr. Alessandro. I’ll be spending some time with them as well!

Important Events

Aug 5 – Francesca takes her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience to become a fully

consecrated member of the Apostles of the Interior Life.

Aug 7 – I arrive HOME!!!

Aug 17 – Briana’s little sister Danielle marries her best friend Ryan Stone! Prayers for them.

Aug 31 – Brandon, my big brother, celebrates his birthday!! Pray for him.

Sept 2 – I arrive back in Rome and start Driving School to get an Italian license!

Sept 4 – Dad celebrates his birthday: Pray!

Sept 29–Oct 1 – Women’s Retreat here in Italy

Oct 2 – I start my second year of Philosophy

Dec 9 – Kalin takes her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience to become a fully consecrated member of the Apostles of the Interior Life.

Father Salvatore, our founder, turns 91!

Story Time (It’s so hard to choose just one!!!)

One of the most common misconceptions about consecrated life is that one has to give up his or her dreams and desires in order to follow God’s call. I’m going to share with you a story or two that says the contrary!!

First, I can say that even the really superficial and human desires of mine are being completely fulfilled in my following of the Lord. For example, since I was a little girl, I have wanted 3 things in a house: stairs (two stories), a balcony, and a library. Not exactly your average-joe “gotta have” list but it’s always been mine. I currently live in a “house” compiled of 2 apartments, one on top of the other (stairs/two stories). Each level, since we are in an apartment building and not on the ground floor, have a terrace (balcony). Thanks to studies and gifts, we own enough books to fill up many rooms and this past year I got to even organize some (library).

Now I’ll share a more vivid story. Since I was little, I have always loved to sing. Mom says that at 15 months I was sitting happily on the lap of my Uncle Mike singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” to him. The Christmas gift that was probably the best buy and got the most use over the years was a karaoke machine...it still rests in my closet. Growing older I began to sing some at church and for retreats. In college I didn’t involve myself too much in this area of ministry but singing remained a huge part of my prayer. Entering into community, I found myself singing more than ever before. Singing in Mass, during adoration, and just around the house. This year I even landed in a house with 2 great musicians, one of which, Ruth, graduated from KU with a degree in music (Violin and Viola). The other, being Briana, taught herself guitar and sings beautifully.

An example of the unique opportunities I have gotten this year in order to realize this dream of mine to “be a singer” happened just the other day (June 20). We were invited by a priest friend of ours to animate an evening at his parish. It was an evening in a series of evenings in which there were different forms of inspiring entertainment. The goal is to bring some wholesome fun to this part of Rome that is often lacking in this area. The event was held outdoors in a courtyard on the parish grounds so that all those within a certain range could hear the music and testimonies. Our evening was called “Sing Spiration: Songs and Testimonies with the Apostles of the Interior Life”. Ruth (violin and vocals), Briana (guitar and vocals), and I (vocals) took care of most of the music alternating songs with testimonies by the other sisters. The set-up was amazing! There was a stage with lights that changed with the rhythm of the music, there was a technician to monitor and adjust our volume levels (instead of us having to do so), and, most importantly I’d say, a warm crowd welcoming and very encouraging the whole way through. Because of the lights however, the crowd was even a little difficult to distinguish just like in the real concerts! We learned a couple of new songs specifically for the evening. One, in particular, which was quite the challenge but so much fun to work on and pull off! It is a song with a folk feel to it and three voices so that we could all sing harmonies together. I was most nervous for this song uncertain if I would really succeed in hitting all of my notes and keeping the right pitch. Thankfully it was not the first song so I was warmed up by the time we got to it: warmed up with my voice but also with the crowd, feeling less shy and risking even eye-contact every now and then while singing. In this way it became more fun and more like an interaction with the crowd instead of a simple performance. The words of my spiritual director kept repeating in my mind: “sing because you love to sing, not for an applause or for any praise…sing because you love it!” And that night, I really felt my love for singing and for sharing this gift with others.

The more I find myself singing in the events like that above and also others (with the whole setup of mics, mixer, and sound system) – things I always dreamed of doing – the more I realize what a gift it is to be singing in this specific way. Not only am I living the “dream” of singing with other talented artists and before crowds that praise us when we are done. That’s just the human part of my dream. The “God-part” is that this gift I get to use in this way leads others closer to Him, helps them to reflect and pray (and helps me as well), and is focused primarily on Him and not on me or my performance. This is important because it takes away the anxiety of being perfect, hitting every note, or never losing rhythm. Singing remains, as I cited my spiritual director above, something I love to do. It’s not a job and I don’t have to prove anything in doing it. Here, living this life in community, following God in this way, I get to express the song that He has woven into my heart. The Lord fulfills my desire to sing and I can sing with the psalmist: “The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.”

Where is my heart?

As in many of my other letters, I write to you with a very full heart. Perhaps it is a heart still over-joyed and relieved with the end of a demanding academic year but most certainly it is also a heart basking in the gift of a sweet and subtle peace that the Holy Spirit has brought in the wake of His coming at Pentecost.

This year was one of trials and victories. I have learned much about myself through my interactions with others especially those with whom I live – those wonderful sisters of mine to whom I owe a simultaneous “I’m sorry” and “thank you”! Day in and day out they help me to see myself in the light of reality both to accept that which is and work to change that which must pass. Of course their contribution to this self-knowledge, though great, is nothing compared to the role of the Lord who gently pours His grace upon me to shed light on those areas in need of conversion and patiently (oh so patiently) awaits my response, so often reluctant and late in its coming.

In a word, my heart in this moment, amidst all the difficulties and seemingly “impossibilities” interspersed amongst the great joys and bountiful laughter of this life, is certain. As much as I feel constantly challenged to grow or see things from a different perspective or accept the daily deaths-to-self that life deals out, I am utterly secure of one thing: I’m in the right place. If anything, it is these very challenges, these experiences that stretch me and push me to my limits and way out of my comfort zone that prove to me this very truth. Already after only 2 years in community, 1 of which here in Rome, I find myself in a greater freedom to be myself purified from the walls of defense I built up over time or the face of perfection I created for myself according to what I thought was expected of me. Through talking to complete strangers in apostolate to vulnerable sharing with my sisters at home, I am slowly catching up to the fear that always ran before me to scope out the environment. I’m learning to live the present moment and simply accept the authentic reaction, thought, or opinion that I have instead of filtering it with my idea of the expectations around me.

At the same time that the challenges confirm my heart’s certainty, so too does all of the JOY. Those who know me, know I love to laugh. It’s the environment I grew up in (thanks Mom and Dad). No day here goes without hearty laughter, contagious and shared by all. I find myself cracking all of those silly jokes I used to give my Dad a hard time about (secretly loving them all the while!). My sisters know just as well how to give it back so it’s a continuous receiving and giving of joy. If what they say about laughing being good for you is true, the inhabitants of the House of Formation of the Apostles of the Interior Life are downright “health-nuts”!

Prayer Intentions

As the summer officially begins (with exams over!!), I ask for your prayers to accompany me in my living of these next months in which I will first be with all of the community (those who normally live in the States and those who live with me here in Rome all under the same roof!!). I ask for prayers that this be a time truly of sharing and joy, and that I savor each moment living always in the present.

I pray the same prayer for my time at home. I know that 3 weeks will pass like nothing but I don’t want to live it thinking of having to leave. Rather, I want to breathe deeply each gifted breath of fresh Texas country air and listen closely to each rise and fall of the laughter of my loved ones joining in with my own. Please pray that it be a time of many graces and love.

On a more human level I ask prayers for the Driver’s Ed that I will be taking in September. Even for Italians this is a process lived with quite a bit of anxiety so I ask for prayers that I can live it with peace and pass the first time without having to repeat anything!

I ask prayers for Francesca and Kalin who will be taking their vows this year. That they may live these last months of preparation growing ever closer to the heart of Him who will be there Spouse from the moment of the vows and on. That this may be a time of peace and great joy.

I also ask prayers for vocations to our community. That other young women may recognize in their heart the call of the Lord and their desire to walk through life in this mission with us. That this world so confused on the meaning of both vocations (marriage and priesthood/consecrated life) can see the value and necessity of both and be filled with holy examples of each.

United always in Him who loved us first,

Cherise J