Newsletter Update: June 2019

Dear Family and Friends!

Three years ago today I arrived in Rome to start my second year of formation as an Apostle of the Interior Life in the House of Formation here. I can’t believe the time has flown by so fast! On Thursday I finished my first year of Theology (third year studying in Rome) which means that I am more than half way done with my 5 year degree!!

I must be honest in sharing that this year has been one of the most challenging so far. Each step that takes me closer to vows seems to carry with it a decision that touches ever more profoundly the “yes” I have made to the Lord. Naturally, this implies many “no’s”, even to very good things. What keeps me going in the times that it hurts my heart to say that “no” is to remember that my life is more about following than leaving. It’s true that in order to follow, I must leave, but it is also true that when I follow, I am always with Someone and if I’m just leaving, I find instead that I am all alone. 

As normal, I would like to share with you in this newsletter some important events coming up, a short story from this year, a little sharing from the heart, some prayer intentions that I entrust to you, and some memories from this year in the form of pictures! 

Important Events

June 26 – the newest arrival to the House of Formation in Rome: Kate Cropp

June 28-30 – Convocation in Rome with our lay movement’s members from both the USA e Italy

July – month of community life in the mountains

August – month in Texas with family, my nephew!!!, and our house in College Station

October – start of the new school year: 2^nd year of Theology at the Pontifical Salesian University

Oct 21-25 – evangelization mission in a college town near Rome (L’Aquila)

Dec 6 – adoration vigil for my vows (8 pm)

Dec 7 – Holy Mass in which I will take the vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience (11 am)

Dec 8 – Mass of Thanksgiving in my hometown of Hallettsville (time to be determined)

Story Time 

This year I had many new experiences but one of them particularly pushed me to grow and filled me with much joy! For the first time, the community asked me, along with Sr. Clara, to coordinate our young adult retreat. The organization was all totally up to us: the location, the theme, the schedule, the activities…etc… It reminded me a little of when I was Co-director of the Teen ACTS retreat back in my high school days, and I was very thankful for that previous experience.

As preparation, we decided to pray together around an hour a week with the specific intention of the retreat starting months in advance. From our little sharings after these moments of prayer we were slowly able to identify the theme and the style of the retreat that God was suggesting to us.

In the end we lead a retreat for around 30 young people on the theme of Story-Telling, or rather witnessing to others with our own personal experience. In order to do this, we first took our participants on a journey of self-discovery with tools for reading one’s own story. In addition to this we encountered the stories of others: St. Francis (as we were at a Franciscan Sanctuary outside of Rome where St. Francis himself had lived), our community (the Apostles of the Interior Life), and the Prodigal Son (from the Gospel of Luke). To get our story telling skills fine-tuned we played different games and simply encouraged personal sharing at meals and in informal moments. On the last day we had a more formal presentation about sharing our story with tips on how to allow a simple sharing to become evangelization. 

My role in the retreat was much on the part of the organization in the months leading up to it. I was also in contact with the young people who signed up so I had all the names pretty well down even before they arrived. During the weekend I acted as MC, presenting the different moments and giving announcements when necessary. Of course, everything was in Italian so we all had a good laugh every now and then when the nerves got the best of me and my sentences didn’t always make too much sense!

My experience of the retreat was very positive. First of all I was continually touched by the trust that the community was putting in me. I was never left alone in the decisions in as much as Sr. Clara was sharing the leading role with me and the community always offered advice but when we did make a decision, the community was ready to accept it and go with it, supporting us completely. I definitely appreciated more than ever the fact of being a part of a community and being able to entrust a certain task to someone knowing that it would be taken care of. The young people who came were wonderful! Many faces were familiar to us but some were brand new and I was impressed with how easily and naturally they threw themselves into the retreat. For the first time, we tried a new approach and asked the young people to take turns helping with the cooking and the cleaning and they did it with no problem. Actually, many offered to help when it wasn’t even assigned to them to do so. 

At the end of the weekend I was exhausted but so filled with joy. It made me reflect on how the apostolic part of my community (our mission of evangelization and spiritual formation) was not the first thing to attract me. I was much more attracted by the intimacy in prayer, the intellectual formation, and the strong family-like community life. The apostolate (our mission) actually always kind of intimidated me: public speaking, leading prayer, walking one on one with someone in their spiritual journey. But now, even as it remains a challenge in which I must always choose to go outside of myself and my comfort zone, it has become for me a huge source of joy and a place of confirmation of my vocation. It is in these moments, when I am most aware of my inabilities and where I fall short, that God really shines through and I know that it is His Spirit working through me. 

Where is my heart?

As alluded to above, this hasn’t been the easiest year for my heart. I must say, however, that there is something so beautiful in experiencing the totality of a decision so much so that nothing I can do can separate me from it. Every choice, every behavior, each word I speak must be (and naturally is) conformed to my life decision to answer Christ’s call to be His bride. And I am experiencing that more intensely than ever this year. 

A book that has been accompanying me lately in prayer has shared with me much incite on this very topic. It is entitled “With all your heart” and is about the vow of chastity. This is the vow that most of the outside world cringes at but, as this book demonstrates very well, one can only renounce other loves with a greater Love. The fact that I won’t ever get married doesn’t deny me the possibility to satisfy the human (and divine) desire to give myself completely to someone, body and soul. My consecration is exactly that: the offering of my whole self to God. And it is only because I have found a Love to whom I can give myself so entirely too that I am able to renounce the goodness of the love of marriage. 

But the hard part is not so much the belonging to Someone else. It’s the no longer belonging to oneself. In the very first chapter of this book, the author writes about the encounter the person has with the Lord when he or she decides to answer affirmatively to the call to be consecrated. He says that from this moment onward, that person no longer belongs to himself and his heart is no longer his: he is to be forever moved by his desire to give all back to the God who gave him everything that he is and has.  

This year has been for me a constant discovery of the little parts of my heart that still think of themselves as either independent or dependent on someone or something other than God. The Lord, in His infinite mercy, has instead been guiding me, so very gently, to remember that, in reality, all of my heart is His and that I must let go of that which says otherwise. Obviously the examples of this are varied. It could mean recognizing where I need to grow in knowing when to ask for help or it could mean making sure that no one friendship dominates all of my time and attention. It certainly means growing to trust evermore in the God for whom nothing is impossible especially when I find myself in situations that are out of my control. And most importantly, it means a daily renewal of our love, without which nothing in my life would make any sense. 

This year the Lord has kindly been answering my desire to love Him in a completely exclusive way. And so, with ever such tenderness, He has been purifying my heart so that it may be singularly centered on Him. As with any burning flame, the golden tips burn when touched, but the warmth radiated is steady and enduring. Even when certain decisions cost me in the moment, the lasting peace deep within assures me that my “leaving” is really a “following” and that by my side is the true Lover of my soul. 

Prayer Intentions

For the concluding days of our General Assembly that is meeting here in Rome. For an outpouring of the Holy Spirit and the graces needed to follow God’s Will for our community. 

For my family and their intentions and especially for the growth of my little nephew Shepherd: that he may grow to be strong in body and spirit under the loving care of my brother Brandon and his wife Jen. 

For Kate Cropp, a new addition to the House of Formation here in Rome arriving on Wednesday June 26. That she may be filled with peace in these days of leaving (her family, country, language, and the comforts of home) in order to follow the Lord’s call.

For all us girls in the various levels of formation (me, Briana, Catherine, Alexa, Kate, Liz, Sarah) and all the girls discerning a call to join our community. That it may be God’s peace that leads us in each new step.

For my continued preparation for taking my vows this December. That I may be ever more aware of the gift I will be making of myself and of the gift that I will receive that day. 

Pictures

             

Making my dad proud gutting a fish that came from the market!

group photo from our young adult retreat

Briana and I in front of St. Peter's at night

An evening with friends in the park for a free Christian Concert

Easter outing with the House of Formation

Priestly Ordination of Fr. Joel, AVI in Kansas City, KS

An evening outing to the papal gardens outside of Rome

                                                                                               United always in Him who loved us first,

                                                                                                                                                Cherise J

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The Simplicity of being His

Nearly four years ago, upon the request of the vocation director of my community, I responded to a few questions regarding my vocation story to be published on our website. To the last question I responded like this: My desire is simple. I just want to be His.

Reading those words now and having cultivated this desire ever since, I am marveled at how close I am to the realization of it. In fact, this December I will profess the vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience, giving to the Lord all that I am (chastity), all that I have (poverty), and all that I will become (obedience).

But what does it really mean to belong to the Lord, to be His? What does it mean that I will give my life completely to Him? What does it look like to concretely live out the consecrated life?

The objective of my years of formation is in part to discover the answers to these questions and in part to accept that only a life’s journey can really reveal them to me.

I have no illusion that after December 7, this desire of my heart will be totally fulfilled. Certainly, I will be consecrated completely to God. My whole being will be promised to Him from that day forward and no longer will it be possible for me to belong to anyone else. However, to live fully in that truth…I think I have much growth and purification ahead of me for that.

Although one cannot deny the graces received from this total consecration, my experience of daily life is teaching me that much more is required to really belong to God. It requires a constant seeking of Him, a single heartedness and single mindedness that leaves no room for another to possess any part of my heart. 

“’Come,’ says my heart, ‘seek his face’; 

Your face, Lord, do I seek! 

Do not hide your face from me.”

Psalm 27: 8-9 

In the light of this new Easter season I can’t help but contemplate Christ, my promised Spouse, up on that cross, seeking to meet my gaze. Or the Risen One coming toward me with His wounded hands outstretched to receive me in an embrace. Am I able to meet that gaze? Can I fully immerse myself in that embrace? Or am I distracted, attracted by something much less, settling for what I am able to reach on my own and not allowing myself to be lifted up by Another?

His love is so great, so pure…so simple. His gaze is one. His heart is whole. His mind is fixed. 

My love is poor, fragile…and very complicated. My gaze often darts from one object to the next. My heart often divided. My mind anything but concentrated. 

So how is this desire to be His completely and in total simplicity to be fulfilled? It must be possible or else it would not be seeded so deeply in my heart…

Once the Lord told me in prayer something that I think might be able to shed some light on all of this: Let Me be yours so you can be Mine.

This short phrase has since given me much fruit for reflection as I’ve often tried to decipher it fully only to realize that its great depth of meaning for me must reveal itself slowly over time. And as I seek to go deeper into the mystery of my desire of being His and the reality that is behind it, I find Him re-offering me this phrase: Cherise, just let Me be yours first. 

Perhaps what He’s trying to tell me in the midst of the celebration of His death and resurrection is this: the first step to giving myself completely to God, to belonging to Him, is to accept that He chose to fully give Himself to me. This is actually a truth really overwhelming to accept. God, Creator of all things, the Eternal Being, Almighty and Everlasting gives Himself totally, willingly, and freely to me. He took the form of man, like us in all things except for sin (Hebrews 4:15) and hung on a cross for me…for love of me. That’s what it means to belong to someone, to give yourself fully to another.

My dwelling place will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people. 

Ezekiel 37:27

The difference between God’s gift of self and our gift of self is this: God really does freely choose to belong to us, to give Himself to us. We, on the other hand, regardless are His – He is our Creator, our Father, our Savior. Our choice is whether or not to accept and live in this truth…the truth that would, if really lived, set us free (John 8:32).

But accepting to be looked upon so honestly with love is really hard. To receive a gift as free as it is immense is not easy for us. We would prefer to earn it, to pay it back, to deserve it…but in order to be His we have to first accept that we already are.

In the moment that I accept the truth that God has bound Himself to me in an age old covenant made ever new by the blood of His Son, and that, no matter the extent of my unfaithfulness, He has chosen to be forever mine, I cannot help but respond. And in what other way than by giving everything, all of myself to Him, in simply recognizing that I already am His?

This giving of oneself finds many different expressions in the Christian life, expressions that we have learned to call Vocations. Most of us are called to respond to God’s immense and free love for us in giving ourselves in Holy Marriage, to God through spouse and children. But some of us feel a different stir within us that we find can only be satisfied in reserving ourselves completely for God in an exclusive and spousal love with Him. These are priests and consecrated people. I find myself in the second category. Ever since that first time, by God’s grace, I met the gaze that looked upon me with love - ever since I heard His voice in that most honest place of who I am - I have felt within me a burning desire to respond. And for me, personally, I have found that this response must be total and exclusive. I must give Him all. 

But living in that place of love and conviction, remaining intentionally under that gaze, remembering who I am and who He is, is not always easy in daily life and is, unfortunately, often forgotten in the midst of everyday tasks. 

So my resolution for these 50 days of Easter, for my preparation for vows, and for the life of consecration that I will live from December 7 and onward, is this: to dedicate a few minutes of my day – every day - to just sitting under that gaze, letting myself be looked upon by love, and allowing myself to receive it freely without earning it, deserving it, or even being able to adequately respond to it. Just simply being, and being His. 

How would your life change if you did this? What is your way of responding to God’s immense and free love?

God willing I will take my vows:
Saturday December 7, 2019
St. Mary's Catholic Center

College Station, Texas

Please pray for me!

Newsletter Update December 2018

Dear Family and Friends!

            Merry Christmas! It’s, by now, my third Christmas in Rome. I can’t believe it! How time sure does fly by! I hope this Christmas season finds you surrounded by many loved ones. I know it’s hard for me to be away from my family but I also know that I have found here, in my community and the friends God has gifted me with, a much larger family than I ever imagined possible to have. How blessed I am!

Important Events

            Dec 11 – my first nephew, Shepherd James Klekar, was born!!! 

            Jan and Feb – my period of exams for my first year of Theology (please pray!)

            Feb 10 – my 26^th birthday…another little prayer for me please!

            March 2 – my Mom’s birthday 

            March 25 – Brandon (my brother) and Jen’s 2^nd wedding anniversary. 

            March 29 – our founder, Fr. Salvatore, celebrates 67 years of priesthood. 

            May 25 – our AVI brother, Deacon Joel Haug, will be ordained a priest in Kansas City, KS.

Story Time

            For those of you who don’t know, this year I was given a HUGE gift: a pilgrimage to the Holy Land! I could share many things about that trip and already have in my blog a few months ago (see blog post here). So to change things up, I’ll share a little story that I didn’t include in that post.

            The first day of the trip Sr. Clara and I found ourselves with a free morning, as we awaited the arrival of the last part of our group. Not wanting to waste any of the precious time we were allotted in this most holy place we did a little research and found that our hotel was right next to a pilgrimage destination: Mount Precipice. 

            If you open up your Bible to the Gospel of Luke chapter 4 you will find a passage in which Jesus preaches from the prophet Isaiah in the synagogue at Nazareth. After He finishes and proclaims the Word fulfilled that day, the people begin to marvel at this and to question: is He not the son of Joseph? After explaining that no prophet is accepted in his hometown with examples from the Old Testament, He is immediately taken away to a nearby mount by the crowds who want “to hurl him down headlong” (v. 29) before He “passed through the midst of them and went away” (v. 30). We were on that mount.

            Praying with this very passage looking out upon the valley below I had a very simple and beautiful moment with our Lord. First, I was marveled at Him wanting to bring me there and share with me the place where He grew up. When I think of my hometown, of the memories each corner holds, of the sounds and smells that call to mind faces and voices, of the failures and triumphs, laughter and tears that all made me who I am today, I realize how precious of a place it is to share with someone. Here was the Son of God making Himself vulnerable with me – His small, unworthy creature. Here was Jesus of Nazareth giving me the “local’s tour”. Wow. What a gift. What a humbling moment. 

Then, more specifically in the passage I was struck by the last line from Isaiah that He chose to preach that day: He has sent me…to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord (v. 18-19). In the Italian translation, with which I was praying, it says “a year of grace in the Lord”. Upon reading these words and imagining them preached to me from the very voice of Jesus I felt a huge wave of consolation in my heart. Here was Jesus making me a promise: this year will be filled with grace. He was not promising me the best year of my life, nor the year filled with the most success or joy. No, He was promising me something much, much greater: a year filled with His grace, with His presence…a year filled with Him. 

This message for me was very important seeing as I was about to embark on a year so full of novelty as to frighten me a bit. Even more so than other years I felt unprepared before many unknowns. Without previous experience to depend on I just had no idea how things would go. What would the new university be like? Would I like my professors? Would I make new friends? Would I lose my old friends? After years of always being the “littlest”, how would I handle the “big sister” role? What would it be like living with six other people? How would my relationship change with the sisters who still go to my old university? What does the formative journey look like for someone in “preparation for vows”? What will it be like having more responsibility in the apostolate? And so on and so forth…

In that moment these questions were not answered but they found a new location. No longer were they at the forefront of my mind but rather behind a much more important affirmation: “I am with you.” And so it was that my heart found peace and my Holy Land trip was off to a great start!

Where's my heart?

          My heart is on a journey. The destination is freedom. And although I have caught glimpses of the finish line and tasted the glory just enough to be encouraged to keep going, I have yet a long, long way to go. In this journey I have a Guide but our means of transportation is not a taxi. No, this is not a passive trip but one that asks of me a very active participation. In fact, I often look down and find the reigns laying in my young, unexperienced hands. And this happens much more often than I'd think necessary. Clearly my Guide is not as rushed as I am to arrive.

          As it is, the control is often mine. At least it is left up to me many crucial elements of the trip: the speed, how long (and how often) we stope to rest, which road we take...etc. I'm learning that by continually choosing to remain by my Guide's side in this journey I've accepted His invitation and am guaranteed arrival at the much desired destination of freedom. I am also learning, however, that there is no set length or time limit. The level of difficulty is not standard, and the enjoyment factor is really hit or miss. Some days I'm happily going full speed ahead and the next, I could easily be setting up camp for an undetermined amount of time not wanting to even look towards the direction the path is leading me. 

           The one constant in this journey is my Guide. He never leaves me, even when I think to have left Him. Although He asks of me to make the decision, He is always suggesting to me which path to take. Often I lack in trust, and don't believe that the road leading into the tunnel - dark and lurking with the unknown - could really be smoother and quicker than the open air mountain pass. But even then, when in mistrust I don't follow His advice, He remains with me and lives with me the consequences of my choice. Up the steep incline He holds my heaviest bag, and when the snows begin to fall at the mountain top He gives me His every coat. For me He finds wood to build a fire, and when food and water run scarce He nourishes me with His very self. He never ceases to seek my comfort and joy even when I am too absorbed in myself to notice. Along the driest of paths He plants a clump of colorful daisies (my favorite flower) just to make me smile. And in the harshest of winters He sets a flight a chorus of little birds that accompany me in song. He delights  my way by filling it with  numerous unique encounters: each person as beautiful as he/she is diverse. And when I feel all alone He sends a sweet breeze to brush my cheek and draw my attention back to Him who is forever whispering encouragement and love into my heart. He paves my way with His peace.

            Yes,  my heart is on a journey, and the destination is freedom but I have a long, long way to go.

Prayer Intentions

·         For my brother Brandon, his wife Jen, and their newborn baby boy Shepherd James.

·         For our exams between Jan 21 and Feb 15 (I have no exact dates yet).

·         For the House of Formation here in Rome…for continued growth in unity and sisterly love.

·         For all the girls in formation with our community in both Rome and the USA.

·         For new vocations to our community and to the Consecrated Life.

·         For our apostolate: retreats, missions, and moments of evangelization we have planned this year.

 

            Thanks for patiently awaiting this newsletter that I got out a little late this year. I justify it by reminding myself that we are still in the Octave of Christmas – the eight days of Solemnities, one after the other, in which each day’s Mass is celebrated like a Sunday Mass singing “Glory to God in the Highest” and celebrating this great event of our Lord’s birth! I encourage you all to live according to this as best as you can with the demands of your daily life. Mass during the week is not obligatory but would be neat to go to anyways in these days as it is the highest form of Thanksgiving we can make to God. Also, I pray that you still find time to relax, rejoice, and continue to unite with family and friends to spend these days in an extra special way. They are not like any old day of the year after all!

            Sending you all a hug and a big Thank You for your continued love, prayers, and support. These unique experiences I am having, my journey to greater freedom, and my all around joy would not be possible without each and every one of you! I will never be able to thank you enough but I assure you of my prayers and remind you that you may send me specific prayer intentions any time! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and God bless!

The young women in formation with our founder, Fr. Salvatore.

Everybody on Christmas Day!

Outside the walls of Jerusalem

In front of the Trevi Fountain

Florence, Italy

In the whispering of a soft wind

Already almost a month ago now I had the great privilege to be in the Holy Land. That’s right! The very land where our Lord walked, preached, slept, ate, prayed while on this Earth. I’ve been wanting to write about it for a while now but nothing more than just snippets of the week’s events were coming to me. I wasn’t sure how to connect it all in one train of thought. I still don’t know if I’ll succeed but I figure it’s time to share some of the graces I received.

My AVI sister who accompanied me: Clara

I still can’t decide if I actually had no expectations for the trip or if I had too many to be able to organize into concrete desires. In any case, I managed to arrive with open and empty hands ready to receive what He had planned for me. My disposition was simple: my Husband-to-be was taking me home to meet the family, see where He grew up, and visit the places most dear to His heart. Naturally, as any girl would be, I was nervous. What will it be like to be in these places? Will I fit in? What will He reveal to me about Himself there? Will I be capable of receiving Him when He shares His heart with me? And will I, in turn, be courageous and vulnerable in sharing mine with Him?

Being a pilgrimage, I didn’t travel to the Holy Land alone. I was with a rather large and diverse Italian group. In total we came to around 230 pilgrims, occupying 5 buses, and traveling from three different airports in Italy. This in itself proved to be a huge blessing as I was given the opportunity to meet new people and discover their unique beauty continually as the week went on. Being divided into smaller groups according to our bus I was able also to cultivate deeper friendships with those who lived this experience more closely with me throughout the week.

Rather than list off where we went and when, I’d like to simply share moments of encounter I had with Jesus particularly in His humanity. One would naturally imagine a pilgrimage to be a very spiritual experience with many interior movements. This is true in general and was true also for this trip but what I was not expecting was the strong human experience I had of the presence of Christ. In these 8 days He spoke to all of my senses, exterior and interior.

One way in particular that Jesus continually assured me of His presence throughout the week was in a soft, refreshing breeze on my cheek. Whether it reached me while on a boat on the Sea of Galilee, or on the beach at the end of the day when the Red Sea was as dark as the sky, or as a wave of heat in the Negev Desert, or in the silence of the sunset over Jerusalem up on the Mount of Olives, it always carried the same message: I am here with you. I am always with you. And there’s nowhere else I want to be.

the Sea of Galilee seen from Capernaum

Many things in the Holy Land have changed in 2,000 years. Very little of what you can see in the “old city” of Jerusalem, for example, was ever actually seen by Jesus. However, one thing that has changed very little is the landscape. Thus, one of my favorite things to do was to simply contemplate the landscape…the same landscape that Jesus’s eyes would have beheld. I was able to do this for a long time one evening in Capernaum at the shore of the Sea of Galilee. We were right near the house of St. Peter which would have most likely been the house of Jesus during His 3 years of public ministry in Galilee. Sitting there observing where the water met the sky, comparing their different shades of blue, and taking in the hills in the distance as the setting sun slowly filled the sky with hues of pink and orange I didn’t have many thoughts. One simple thought that occurred to me over and over however was as follows: How many times would You (speaking to Jesus) have come to this very spot after a long day of preaching or before a long night of fishing to just be with Your friends and admire the beauty of Your own creation? The answer came in a simple, soft breeze: to this day He still brings His friends to this shore as He had done that very evening with me.  

Another evening on the shore, but this time the shore of the Red Sea, a place never visited by Jesus in His earthly life. I found myself there later than the time before. It was already well past sunset and sky and sea alike had settled into a deep blackish-blue. Again I didn’t have many thoughts. (As I write this now I realize that this fact of having few thoughts is probably one of the greatest graces I received on the trip being usually a slave to my own numerous and complicated ones.) Before the immensity of this great sea that God had separated to let through His beloved people, I felt completely relaxed and full of joy. Nearby a group of us was playing a guitar and singing Italian classics with a jovial spirit. Further off in the distance I could hear Arabian-style beach dance music and the hum of excited voices sharing a vacation experience. Isolated as I was from the various groups in the vicinity I had no reason to feel alone. He was there with me, caressing my cheek with a soft sea breeze, assuring me that I was there by no accident. He had organized it all to have me alone for those few precious moments.

The following day we were anything but at sea: we were in the Negev Desert. I was struck first and foremost by its beauty, a beauty foreign to me and very captivating. The same delicate red sand that whirled up with the wind in a mini dust storm combined to form big, sturdy rocks that took on the appearance of hills. The few brave plants to be seen were more grey than green. The second chapter of the Book of the Prophet Hosea immediately came into mind: “I will allure her into the desert and speak to her heart…” Our guide told us before arriving that the desert was “il luogo dell’amore”: the place of love. In his book, Hosea recounts to us the story of a Lover (God) who leads His beloved (Israel) into the desert, stripping her of all her smaller loves that distracted her from Him in order to restore and renew their exclusive spousal love. Sometimes it seems that the Lord does the same with us, and at first the desert is not a pleasant experience: it’s hot, there’s no water source, everything looks the same, there’s a sense of solitude, and what we previously had is sorely missed. Staring out at the wild beauty of the Negev Desert from my little nook of shade I was taken by the romantic notion of heroically entering into  it “taking nothing for the journey” (Lk 9:3) and being satisfied by the presence of God alone. This idealistic fancy was quickly stifled when I realized that indeed God was offering me the chance to go out into the desert, or rather He was asking this very thing of me. You see, upon my return home I was to start a new university where I had no friends, knew no one and nothing, not even the location of my classrooms or the names of my professors. I was already suffering from the thought of no longer seeing my friends from the old university so the reality of it was not exactly appealing to me. But again, that soft breeze, this time more warm than fresh, captured my attention. “With age-old love I have loved you; so I have kept my mercy toward you” (Jeremiah 31:3). The promise of His presence was not meant to take the pain away, and alas it did not, but it made the idea of being in the desert much less scary knowing I wouldn’t be there alone.

One of the more intense experiences we had occurred in no other than the Mount of Olives, the place of Jesus’s “yes” as one Franciscan guide called it. Here Jesus, against all the human desires and fears He strongly felt, freely gave His complete obedience to the Father. In this place He took all of our sins upon Himself in an act of selfless love to the point of accepting death…death on a cross (Phil 2:8). In this very place I had the great privilege of participating in this by going to confession. What grace flowed in and out of that garden as around 200 people handed over their sins to our Lord! We were gifted 2 hours of silence there around the time of sunset. I couldn’t help but smile at the huge providence to pray in the Garden of Olives at the same hour Jesus Himself preferred. There I was in perhaps Jesus’s most intimate place while on this Earth. He desired to share that place with me. To share with me the sunset over Jerusalem, the soft whisper of the wind that blew through the olive tree leaves, the great peace of a place in which the words most commonly exchanged between Father and Son were “I love you.” There, in that sacred yet utterly human place, I was invited to join in on this song of love raising my voice in a melody of continual “I love you’s” sure to be reciprocated: “I love you’s” that arrived to me in the whispering of a soft wind.

Another intense place was certainly the Church of the Holy Sepulcher where present are both the hill of Calvary and the empty tomb of our Lord. I can’t claim too many intense emotions (outside of impatience for the long lines and chaos inside). But having a good 4 hours to pray there I found myself a comfortable, out-of-the-way, corner at the foot of the hill of Calvary in a chapel they call “Adam’s Chapel”. Here I knelt for at least an hour, and the Lord deemed it opportune to communicate with me through human words: human words from the mouth of perfect strangers. The first tap on my back came from a Spanish speaking woman who, after learning that I didn’t actually speak the same language, insisted upon sharing with me her message anyways. Luckily I do have three years of high school Spanish under my belt along with several of Italian (which I think helped the most). Her message was simple, nothing new, but so important for me to hear: Jesús ti ama. Está aquí (as she touched her heart). And then looking at me and softly touching my cheek, tu es linda.  (Jesus loves you. He is here in your heart. You are beautiful.) Returning to prayer with a soft smile, it is not long before I feel another gentle tap on my shoulder. This time, upon raising my gaze, I am met by 2 sets of eyes belonging to 2 girls younger than me: one from Germany and the other from Israel. This time the language is English and they ask to pray for me. I share with them superficially my worries about going to a new university and they begin to pray over me in soft whispers. Their words were of an incredible simplicity and yet completely appropriate for what I was living: Lord, help Cherise to trust in Your presence with her in this transition. Help her to make friends and be confident in herself in this new place. After they left that soft smile turned into a soft laughter as I realized the Lord wanted to be very clear with His message to me so He sent me human words to reach my human ears. There I was at the foot of Calvary touched by the humanity of Christ through His body, the Church, of which He is the Head and we are the members.

"Gloria, gloria a Dio..."

The place most precious to me in the whole trip was also that which was most suprising. I didn’t even know that we knew were this place was nor did I have a desire to go there before the trip. It was a place of utter simplicity and humility, often forgetten, and seldom the focal point of Sunday homilies. It was the place near Bethlehem known as “Shepherds’ Field”. Tradition tells us that here over 2,000 years ago a choir of angels appeared to some unsuspecting shepherd’s to announce the Good News of the arrival of the King, the Savior of the world, who was to be found as a newborn child in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. Entering into a small chapel built on these grounds our group began to sing “Glory to God in the Highest…” as had done the angels upon their visit to the shepherds. Inside of me was a new sensation: a sensation of the purest and simplest kind, a certainty of my own salvation, an assurance that everything was not just going to be fine but wonderful, the promise of His presence. Away from me were all fears, worries, and anxieties. In my heart remained only one overwhelming sentiment: joy. And this joy was manifested in the tears that streamed freely down my cheeks.

If I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, I manage to return to those places and experience His consoling presence. But the real beauty of it all is that I am not limited to my memories. Even here in Rome His breeze reaches me to assure me that as I walk the halls of my new university, mop the floors of our apartment, or chase after the unpredictable buses of this eternal city, He is with me. And every land becomes holy in His presence.