A God who gives

The time between Christmas and the Epiphany is my favorite time of the year to pray adoration. Why? Because I am a visual person, and before me in the chapel are the three most important events in the life of Christ…and thus our life as Christians.

First, in front of the altar, there is the baby Jesus peacefully laying in his manger. Then, lifting my gaze I find before me, on the altar, Jesus truly present in the Eucharist. And finally, lifting my eyes all the more, this time above the altar, they come to rest upon Jesus on the cross as a remembrance of His passion, death, and resurrection.

This year my reflection before these three most important historical events has been centering on God’s gift of self to us…

The baby Jesus in our chapel here in Rome is a particular little guy: that’s right, little, even though normally the baby Jesus we find in churches looks like a miniature man. Ours, instead, fits comfortably in the crook of your arm (yes we hold Him sometimes), is basically bald, is smiling so big as to have really squinty eyes, and has its arms lifted out to everyone that enters asking constantly to be held. These little arms and that smile got me thinking. Our God is a God who gives. He gives Himself to us as a helpless child. He wants to be held by us, and in a particular way He entered history abandoning Himself to the care of a young girl named Mary and her new husband Joseph. What humility and trust. He could have entered the world as an already grown, self-sufficient man – He is God after all – but He instead chose the way of patient growth, entrusting Himself to, yes, an extraordinarily virtuous, but all the same human couple. In a similar way He entrusts to our care His name and faith in Him. It is up to us to nourish this faith and allow it to grow into maturity in the people in our life, just as Mary and Joseph had the task of raising the child Jesus into full maturity knowing when to then allow Him to go out and continue this growth on His own.  

Gazing at the Eucharist, I see another aspect of the self-gift of God. While, coming into the world as a baby He entrusts Himself into the hands of Mary and Joseph, in the Eucharist He abandons Himself in the consecrated hands of the priest – a mere man with a supernatural calling. Again, Jesus is the model of humility and trust in this self-giving. For the glorious Son of God to come into the world over and over again in Masses celebrated in each moment under the appearance of a fragile piece of bread and a few drops of simple wine…just to be close to us, to become one with us, to transform us into Him through the grace of receiving His sacramental presence. He comes to us in the Eucharist just as vulnerable, if not more so, as when He was born to Mary and Joseph as a little baby boy. He gives Himself to us risking rejection, risking to be underappreciated and quickly forgotten, risking to not even be noticed at all. Our God is a God who gives without counting the costs…or better, counting the costs only for us but never for Himself. He does everything to facilitate our encountering Him, so strong is His desire for communion with us.

And this brings me to the cross. Is there a stronger example of abandonment? My God, my God why have you forsaken me?...Into your hands Father I commend my spirit. When in excruciating physical pain and under the weight of betrayal by His dearest friends, everything about His human nature was screaming injustice and demanding a “why” in the presence of the death that was becoming ever more imminent. But the Son of Man is also the Son of God, and the Son of God knows the Father. He knows the Father’s love and He, in return, loves the Father. He trusts the Father and knows that if it is the Father’s will, it is the best will. It is in this relationship of love and trust that Jesus – the King of Kings – accepts to die naked on a cross between two thieves before the eyes of His suffering mother who welcomed Him into the world 33 years earlier. In ultimate poverty He was to enter the world and in the same way He was to leave it…and all for love of us. For love of you, for love of me…the glorious King of all Eternity came into the world to give Himself to us, to suffer and to die, so that we might have life: His divine life; the abundant life that never ends.

If you get a chance this week, most churches should still have the nativity scene up in the church. Take a moment to enter in and gaze on the child Jesus abandoned in the care of Mary and Joseph. Take a look then towards the tabernacle where Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist. And finally, let your eyes fall upon the cross, the sign of the greatest act of love: the laying down of one’s life for a friend. What do these moments in the life of Christ provoke in your heart? What moves within you at the thought of the babe in swaddling clothes coming into the world with the purpose of ending up on that cross? How does this change your attitude towards His Real Presence in the Eucharist? At the least would you not be filled with gratitude? Thank Him. (Eucharist comes from the Greek word for “thanksgiving”.) And then obey the common message of the beautiful Christmas hymns we’ve been singing in these days and simply adore Him.

Oh humble Jesus. You never stop giving Yourself to us, and yet when is it that we give ourselves to You? You who are not too proud to become one of us, teach us to become like you.

Newsletter Update: December 2017

26 December 2017

Dear Family and Friends!

With the dome of St. Peter's in the background

I write to you on the day after Christmas from Rome with a heart so very full of all the best kind of things: joy, love, wonder, laughter, life! God has been faithful to His promise and has come into the world to save us from our broken nature and give us life everlasting…everlasting!!! That’s a lot of life! As usual I have for you some important events, a quick story, a sharing from the heart, and a list of prayer intentions. Let’s get to it!

Important Events

Jan 6 – arrival of Catherine (the newest member of the House of Formation in Rome

Feb 10 – My 25^th birthday!

    Mar 2-4 – Young Adult Retreat here in Rome

    Mar 25 – the 1^st wedding anniversary of my brother Brandon and Jen

    April 9 (Solemnity of the Annunciation) – Briana enters the phase of preparation for vows

    End of April – Big Annual Retreat in Rome

Story Time

             It’s always so hard to choose just one story to share so I’ll go with the first that comes to mind… This year we did a week long mission of evangelization in a university town about 1.5 hours north of Rome called L’Aquila. Two of our sisters (Sr. Janel and Sr. Francesca) go there once a month for a couple of days to have one-on-one talks with the students and lead moments of prayer. This was the first time for all of us to be there together.

             In our mission we desired to simply go out on the various campuses (the university is spread out throughout the town in different neighborhoods) to encounter the students, start conversations, share with them about Jesus, and let them know about the catholic student center and all it had to offer them. Practically speaking, it was a very simple mission material wise. All we needed was a smile, some flyers, and good walking shoes and we were ready.

We were also joined by some of the students already involved at the catholic student center as well as two Franciscan friars and the priest who normally works with the students. In order to be better prepared for the moments of evangelization, Sr. Clara guided us in short formation meetings each morning and afternoon. The topics of these meetings were various: our first encounter with God’s love, friendships, how to start conversations, taking an interest in others with questions…and always ended with a moment of prayer together.

With the students before going out to evangelize

This experience of all day evangelization was, I must admit, VERY exhausting. It was an experience of constantly “getting over myself” as I had to battle shyness, fears of rejection, humiliation, not knowing what to say…etc…over and over again before approaching each person. There was also the tiredness of staying attentive to the other person listening well to them and maintaining eye contact. Thankfully we went out in pairs so we were never alone in this mission. During the lessons, when there were less students out and about, we were able to share with each other and in some ways evangelize one another with our testimonies.

At the end of each day I was always worn out: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But I had something else in my heart at the end of the day: joy. It felt good to do something “uncomfortable” for Jesus. It also was a chance to remember the encounter that I’ve had and continue to have with the love of God. My life is forever changed and forever more full because of my relationship with Him, and I do want to share that with others. I can’t keep this great treasure that I have found to myself! And sometimes the only way to share it with others is literally walking up to them and using words. We had a variety of reactions from the students but an overall welcoming atmosphere. Many were even happy to remain and chat with us for a while.

As I left L’Aquila at the end of the week, I felt in my heart a bitter sweetness. I wanted to remain and continue to cultivate friendships with the students I had met. Even today many of their faces remain fresh in my memory. Praying about this, I felt the Lord sharing with me an experience of His own heart. In the heart of Christ there is always room for someone new, and the Creator is constantly falling in love with His creature desiring to remain with him or her and establish a relationship. However, the creatures remain free and don’t always exchange the love offered them by their Creator. And as a human, I am limited by space and time and can only develop real relationships with the people who God has placed in my day-to-day life at this time. In returning to Rome the Lord was asking me to accept this paradox of a Christ-like heart and the human “limitation” of space and time. Sometimes I will remain wounded by the inability to continue a friendship or by the rejection of the friendship I offer but if I continue offering this friendship, this love, then my heart will slowly be molded more and more into the heart of Christ…and I’d say this ultimate sweetness is worth the occasional side effect of bitterness.

Where’s my heart?

Well…as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, my heart is in a very good place which is probably due to the fact that it is in very capable hands: those of the Father. I find myself repeating something very often in Italian: Il Signore è troppo buono con me (the Lord is too good to me). I say this half-jokingly but yet not really. It is evident in so many ways. He makes Himself present; He lets me feel Him accompanying me, and He, at least thus far, has guided me to much growth through minimal suffering. He whispers Scripture into my heart in the most opportune moment. He puts a stranger on my path looking for directions just in time to save me from a useless day dream. He blesses me daily through the presence of the sisters I have the great privilege to live with as well as the classmates who not only fill the breaks between classes with much laughter but inspire me by their “yes” to give their life to the Lord. And His gaze…no matter the state I come to Him (in sin, in grace, in exhaustion, in desire, with joy, with heaviness…) He looks upon me with the gaze that speaks peace, mercy, and love. Like He must have done with the apostles hidden in the upper room after His passion and death, He breaks through the closed door and His first word is: peace.

Lately He’s been inviting me into a hopeful silence which has been very appropriate for Advent. His invitation is to take refuge in Him. Perhaps the storm is still raging and no immediate solution is found but in this inhabited silence He gives me rest and reminds me of the glory already won. He encourages me: hope in me, hope in me. Hope has become for me a very sweet word.

On Retreat at a Marian Shrine in Southern Italy

Prayer Intentions

                          My exams!

                              Jan 18 – Ancient Greek written exam

                              Jan 22 – Ancient Greek oral exam

                              Jan 24 – Philosophy of Language oral exam

                              Jan 29 – Metaphysics oral exam

                              Feb 5 – Special Ethics oral exam

                              Feb 8 – Logic II written exam

                              Feb 9 – Modern Philosophy oral exam

A prayer please also for Briana who, as I mentioned under important events, will enter into the phase of preparation for vows on the Solemnity of the Annunciation which is on April 9 this year (It is usually on March 25). That she may be guided by the Holy Spirit in this transition and that she may find her model in Mary’s “yes” which we celebrate on this great solemnity in our church.

For the House of Formation which, on January 6, will grow to five as Catherine moves from Lawrence, Kansas to the Eternal City! That we may be welcoming and that she may have all the graces necessary for this transition.

For Sr. Kalin, just recently consecrated (December 9): that she may be overwhelmed by the graces of a newlywed bride of Christ in the beginning of this new chapter in her life.

I ask for continued prayers for my family who continue to give their “yes” as well to have a daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin far from home and absent for major holidays. That the Lord may give them the grace to accept this as His will and as the best, not just for me or for them, but for all of us together.

Please pray also for our whole community in all of its branches (Father Salvatore, the sisters, the brothers, the lay people). That we may continue to follow God’s plan for this new reality in the Church. 

The community in Rome with Fr. Salvatore

                                                                                                                             United under His gaze,

                                                                                                                                             Cherise

A free 'yes'

“Then Moses went up from the plains of Moab to Mount Nebo, the headland of Pisgah which faces Jericho, and the Lord showed him all the land…The Lord then said to him, ‘this is the land which I swore to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob that I would give to their descendants. I have let you feast your eyes upon it, but you shall not cross over.’” Deuteronomy 34: 1-4

As I walked the fence line that always seemed so long as a child, I held in my hand the Word of God. Gazing around me I began to breathe deeper and more fully watching the view slowly change to a landscape all too familiar to me. Stopping at the edge of one pasture before entering into the next I found myself standing before all that I thought I ever wanted: 2 dry sand rock pits, about 12 head of cattle, mostly brown but some green grass, and no sign of manmade anything. Might not sound like much, but to a girl grown up on steak and potatoes in south central Texas farmland and cattle country, it’s all one really needs.

There I was in the place where I feel most alive, most myself…where breathing slows, deepens, and settles into a steady rhythm. In this place that inspires in me awe, wonder, and spontaneous prayer. It is there that my imagination feels free and creativity takes no energy. My heart there is full, content, and completely at peace. Everything seems clearer, difficulties are easier to face, joys acquire greater rejoicing, nothing is impossible, and fear is only fleeting.

With all this before me, I read from the end of the book of Deuteronomy. I have let you feast your eyes upon it, but you shall not cross over. And Moses became a friend.

My heart ached with both human sorrow and the best kind of rejoicing. I too was feasting on that which I always thought would fulfill me: the simple country life, big Texas sky, never ending pastures, one with nature, hands working the land. Since I was a little girl nothing else seemed necessary…and yet did I not recognize in my heart that stirring for adventure, that deeper desire for discovery, for a new and radical love that has always been there?

And then, freedom. I thought to myself: “I can give this up. I can say ‘no’ to a dream once had. I am free.” As my mind began to catch up to my heart, my smile grew all the larger. Yes, before me was –and still is- what part of my heart will always ache for, but it’s not what my heart was made for. My heart was made to follow Him who crafted it in His hands and placed it within me. My heart was made to belong only to Him and to be only where He was leading it. And yet my heart is completely free and its Maker asks of it its free consent, its free ‘yes’ to the following. He does not impose. He invites and waits.

You see, I have tasted what it is to follow Him. I have had my cup filled to overflowing over and over again in the most unexpected of places and situations. I have been stupefied time and time again by God’s uncanny ability to prove me wrong about myself, others, and the capacity of the human heart. And though, in that moment, my eyes were feasting on what I had long desired, I knew in my heart that He had something else for me- something that, as unbelievable as it may be for me, would delight my eyes and fill my life with an even greater beauty.

With each step in the journey – some quicker, some easier, some longer, some harder – I find that it is in Him that lies my true Treasure. He – my Heavenly Father, my Lord and Savior, the Spirit who guides me – He is the pearl of great price. It is growing in relationship with Him that my life blossoms, that I know who I really am, and that I learn to live abundantly even on this side of Heaven.

His Word tells me that where my treasure is, there will my heart be also (Mt 6:21). Right now my Treasure is calling me back to Rome, and I want to go after Him. Even before this special place, even with the freedom to say ‘no’, even with tears of goodbye, I find the greatest peace in answering ‘yes’ to His gentle invitation: “Come. Follow Me.”

Together

Everyone has different opinions on the ideal vacation. There are those who ache to get out and discover nature “roughing it” in a tent in the woods, and there are those who dream only of a single lounge chair at the edge of a great blue sea. Some desire to fill this time with projects never completed, books never quite finished, or destinations to arrive at…on foot. Others prefer to just pass the time; less objectives, the better. One may crave the silence of chosen solitude while another thrives when immersed in the chaos of a loud and crowded room. However, most would agree that joy grows when shared while very few can honestly describe their heart as happy if their stories reach only deaf ears and their photos fall under no gaze but their own.

In the end that which counts is not the number of hikes one does or how late one manages to sleep in each morning. It is not even all that important if the weather is sunny or in a constant downpour. Certainly these elements make a difference that can even be notable but there is really only one thing necessary: being together.

This becomes quite evident living for a month in a house in the mountains with 20 other women each with their own preferences, opinions, and ways of doing things. How often I have had to renounce my favorite game or desired activity, and how many times I’ve delighted in something that others participated in but would have never chosen on their own! Perhaps one would think we would all be happy and agree on a moment of prayer but there are preferences and different styles even when it comes to speaking with the Lord!

What makes it worth it then? This can be answered with only one word: “us.”

This summer is my first in which I come to the mountains having lived both in the States and in Italy, and I’m finally starting to fully appreciate the aspect of community we have here. It is not just a time of “vacation” or one in which we are able to rest and restore ourselves for the new year. It is also not a time to only have meetings to discuss, plan, and share even if it is the only time we are all together in the year. This is a time to simply be and to be together.

It is a time to re-find old friends for a chat; a time to marvel at the richness and miracle of such diverse people finding a home in each other; a time to grow in virtue under the demands of the dynamic of a full house; a time to be spent laughing, crying, sharing, “fighting”, growing, praying, learning…together. It is a time for us to be us. I mean, how much time do we actually give ourselves to just be ourselves? Ideally we would always be ourselves but so often commitments, work, obligations, and daily life get in the way.

But not here. Here, we are together. No matter how divided in preferences or opinions, we are us...and this is beautiful and makes my heart very happy.

My brave companions on the road to holiness!

June 2017 Newsletter Update

                                                                                                                                                                           

28 June 2017

Dear Family and Friends,

I write to you later than usual because final classes and studying for exams kept me busy all through May and June. Finally I am FREE from school for a while – and oh boy is freedom just so sweet! I have more time than I’ve had in a while without mornings taking exams and afternoons filled with study. And what will I do with it all you ask?...I don’t know yet! I’m still celebrating this new found “leisure” time! Certainly community life doesn’t lack options with which to fill my time. Of course, as always prayer and chores remain, and now there is the added preparations for our month away in the mountains. There are luggages to pack, lists to check (again and again), houses to close up, and cars to load. Oh…and a pilgrimage of 50 American young adults arrives in Rome today led by a group of our sisters and brother, Fr. Alessandro. I’ll be spending some time with them as well!

Important Events

Aug 5 – Francesca takes her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience to become a fully

consecrated member of the Apostles of the Interior Life.

                Aug 7 – I arrive HOME!!!

                Aug 17 – Briana’s little sister Danielle marries her best friend Ryan Stone! Prayers for them.

                Aug 31 – Brandon, my big brother, celebrates his birthday!! Pray for him.

                Sept 2 – I arrive back in Rome and start Driving School to get an Italian license!

                Sept 4 – Dad celebrates his birthday: Pray!

                Sept 29–Oct 1 – Women’s Retreat here in Italy

                Oct 2 – I start my second year of Philosophy

                Dec 9 – Kalin takes her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience to become a fully                               consecrated member of the Apostles of the Interior Life.

Father Salvatore, our founder, turns 91!

Story Time (It’s so hard to choose just one!!!)

                One of the most common misconceptions about consecrated life is that one has to give up his or her dreams and desires in order to follow God’s call. I’m going to share with you a story or two that says the contrary!!

                First, I can say that even the really superficial and human desires of mine are being completely fulfilled in my following of the Lord. For example, since I was a little girl, I have wanted 3 things in a house: stairs (two stories), a balcony, and a library. Not exactly your average-joe “gotta have” list but it’s always been mine. I currently live in a “house” compiled of 2 apartments, one on top of the other (stairs/two stories). Each level, since we are in an apartment building and not on the ground floor, have a terrace (balcony). Thanks to studies and gifts, we own enough books to fill up many rooms and this past year I got to even organize some (library).

                Now I’ll share a more vivid story. Since I was little, I have always loved to sing. Mom says that at 15 months I was sitting happily on the lap of my Uncle Mike singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” to him. The Christmas gift that was probably the best buy and got the most use over the years was a karaoke machine...it still rests in my closet. Growing older I began to sing some at church and for retreats. In college I didn’t involve myself too much in this area of ministry but singing remained a huge part of my prayer. Entering into community, I found myself singing more than ever before. Singing in Mass, during adoration, and just around the house. This year I even landed in a house with 2 great musicians, one of which, Ruth, graduated from KU with a degree in music (Violin and Viola). The other, being Briana, taught herself guitar and sings beautifully.

                An example of the unique opportunities I have gotten this year in order to realize this dream of mine to “be a singer” happened just the other day (June 20). We were invited by a priest friend of ours to animate an evening at his parish. It was an evening in a series of evenings in which there were different forms of inspiring entertainment. The goal is to bring some wholesome fun to this part of Rome that is often lacking in this area. The event was held outdoors in a courtyard on the parish grounds so that all those within a certain range could hear the music and testimonies. Our evening was called “Sing Spiration: Songs and Testimonies with the Apostles of the Interior Life”. Ruth (violin and vocals), Briana (guitar and vocals), and I (vocals) took care of most of the music alternating songs with testimonies by the other sisters. The set-up was amazing! There was a stage with lights that changed with the rhythm of the music, there was a technician to monitor and adjust our volume levels (instead of us having to do so), and, most importantly I’d say, a warm crowd welcoming and very encouraging the whole way through. Because of the lights however, the crowd was even a little difficult to distinguish just like in the real concerts! We learned a couple of new songs specifically for the evening. One, in particular, which was quite the challenge but so much fun to work on and pull off! It is a song with a folk feel to it and three voices so that we could all sing harmonies together. I was most nervous for this song uncertain if I would really succeed in hitting all of my notes and keeping the right pitch. Thankfully it was not the first song so I was warmed up by the time we got to it: warmed up with my voice but also with the crowd, feeling less shy and risking even eye-contact every now and then while singing. In this way it became more fun and more like an interaction with the crowd instead of a simple performance. The words of my spiritual director kept repeating in my mind: “sing because you love to sing, not for an applause or for any praise…sing because you love it!” And that night, I really felt my love for singing and for sharing this gift with others.

                The more I find myself singing in the events like that above and also others (with the whole setup of mics, mixer, and sound system) – things I always dreamed of doing – the more I realize what a gift it is to be singing in this specific way. Not only am I living the “dream” of singing with other talented artists and before crowds that praise us when we are done. That’s just the human part of my dream. The “God-part” is that this gift I get to use in this way leads others closer to Him, helps them to reflect and pray (and helps me as well), and is focused primarily on Him and not on me or my performance. This is important because it takes away the anxiety of being perfect, hitting every note, or never losing rhythm. Singing remains, as I cited my spiritual director above, something I love to do. It’s not a job and I don’t have to prove anything in doing it. Here, living this life in community, following God in this way, I get to express the song that He has woven into my heart. The Lord fulfills my desire to sing and I can sing with the psalmist: “The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.”

Where is my heart?

As in many of my other letters, I write to you with a very full heart. Perhaps it is a heart still over-joyed and relieved with the end of a demanding academic year but most certainly it is also a heart basking in the gift of a sweet and subtle peace that the Holy Spirit has brought in the wake of His coming at Pentecost.

This year was one of trials and victories. I have learned much about myself through my interactions with others especially those with whom I live – those wonderful sisters of mine to whom I owe a simultaneous “I’m sorry” and “thank you”! Day in and day out they help me to see myself in the light of reality both to accept that which is and work to change that which must pass. Of course their contribution to this self-knowledge, though great, is nothing compared to the role of the Lord who gently pours His grace upon me to shed light on those areas in need of conversion and patiently (oh so patiently) awaits my response, so often reluctant and late in its coming.

In a word, my heart in this moment, amidst all the difficulties and seemingly “impossibilities” interspersed amongst the great joys and bountiful laughter of this life, is certain. As much as I feel constantly challenged to grow or see things from a different perspective or accept the daily deaths-to-self that life deals out, I am utterly secure of one thing: I’m in the right place. If anything, it is these very challenges, these experiences that stretch me and push me to my limits and way out of my comfort zone that prove to me this very truth. Already after only 2 years in community, 1 of which here in Rome, I find myself in a greater freedom to be myself purified from the walls of defense I built up over time or the face of perfection I created for myself according to what I thought was expected of me. Through talking to complete strangers in apostolate to vulnerable sharing with my sisters at home, I am slowly catching up to the fear that always ran before me to scope out the environment. I’m learning to live the present moment and simply accept the authentic reaction, thought, or opinion that I have instead of filtering it with my idea of the expectations around me.

At the same time that the challenges confirm my heart’s certainty, so too does all of the JOY. Those who know me, know I love to laugh. It’s the environment I grew up in (thanks Mom and Dad). No day here goes without hearty laughter, contagious and shared by all. I find myself cracking all of those silly jokes I used to give my Dad a hard time about (secretly loving them all the while!). My sisters know just as well how to give it back so it’s a continuous receiving and giving of joy. If what they say about laughing being good for you is true, the inhabitants of the House of Formation of the Apostles of the Interior Life are downright “health-nuts”!

Prayer Intentions

                As the summer officially begins (with exams over!!), I ask for your prayers to accompany me in my living of these next months in which I will first be with all of the community (those who normally live in the States and those who live with me here in Rome all under the same roof!!). I ask for prayers that this be a time truly of sharing and joy, and that I savor each moment living always in the present.

                I pray the same prayer for my time at home. I know that 3 weeks will pass like nothing but I don’t want to live it thinking of having to leave. Rather, I want to breathe deeply each gifted breath of fresh Texas country air and listen closely to each rise and fall of the laughter of my loved ones joining in with my own. Please pray that it be a time of many graces and love.

                On a more human level I ask prayers for the Driver’s Ed that I will be taking in September. Even for Italians this is a process lived with quite a bit of anxiety so I ask for prayers that I can live it with peace and pass the first time without having to repeat anything!

                I ask prayers for Francesca and Kalin who will be taking their vows this year. That they may live these last months of preparation growing ever closer to the heart of Him who will be there Spouse from the moment of the vows and on. That this may be a time of peace and great joy.

                I also ask prayers for vocations to our community. That other young women may recognize in their heart the call of the Lord and their desire to walk through life in this mission with us. That this world so confused on the meaning of both vocations (marriage and priesthood/consecrated life) can see the value and necessity of both and be filled with holy examples of each.

                                                                                                           United always in Him who loved us first,

                                                                                                                                                Cherise J

I baked kolaches for my birthday!

We are now a family of 5!

Me with some of my classmates!

Represented countries: USA, Guatemala, Brazil, Italy, Jordan

Giving a presentation at school

The whole Roman community with Father to celebrate Briana's birthday!

Sing Spiration

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Rome by Night

It’s 1534. On this Friday night, the bustling eternal city calms as the moon slowly rises with the new life of the night. One by one or in small groups of friends and couples, flocks of Romans leave their residences destined for the 16^th century equivalent of modern-day bars and night clubs. Motivated by the instinctive carnal desires known to man from the time of his first sin, they are not in the least aware of the true desires being masked and burning deep within. Happiness is what they seek, and happiness is what they will find; a happiness immediately satisfying and yet…fleeting by its very nature leaving an emptiness even more desolate than before.

One solitary soul, ripe in his young age softly closes his front door and steps onto the darkened Roman streets. He too is pressed on by a longing – an infinite desire he can’t seem to ever fully satisfy. His heart simultaneously seeks silence from the world and the noise of Heaven. Oh to hear His voice, to enter into His intimacy.

The road is long, 25 kilometers (around 15 miles) and the night is cool, but the mood is peaceful and the desire strong. His objective is simple: remain. In the next several hours from sunset to sunrise he will make his journey passed both the noise of Roman night life and the dead silence beyond the walls. He will make seven brief stops, all hallmarks of the Faith that leads him on. Invisible to the human eye he will have Divine Company each step of the way.

Prayer and offering; giving glory to God the Most High; interceding for the souls yet journeying in this life and those enduring purification for the next; communion with the saints gone before us; and penance for his own shortcomings, a young Philip Neri not yet priest and not yet saint takes up the ancient tradition of the Pilgrimage of the Seven Churches – a tradition again reinstalled around 10 years ago and currently lead by those who now follow his rule of life.

On the night leading to the 100^th anniversary of the first apparition of Our Lady in Fatima, I too took part in this all night pilgrimage with 3 of my sisters and around 600 others. Setting out on foot a little passed 8 pm after celebrating the Holy Mass together in the church founded by St. Philip Neri, we walked in his footsteps and those of many others saints. The seven churches unevenly spaced along this route include: St. Peter’s Basilica, St. Paul’s Outside the Walls, St. Sebastian, St. John Lateran, Santa Croce, St. Lawrence, and St. Mary Major.

It was a night to forever remember. Gathered together for the shared desire of those of St. Philip Neri listed above, the spirit of the pilgrimage was richly felt and lived. Focusing on our identity as children of the Father, we journeyed with Christ in his trip from the Garden of Gethsemane to Calvary. We prayed for strength against the vices all around us in our daily lives and for the raining down of the gifts of the Holy Spirit with which to combat them. And we gave testimony to the One always eager to claim us as His own walking in an unmistakable mass of voices lifting to the Heavens in vocal prayer or song cultivating also moments of absolute silence and personal prayer.

With each step our identity as sons and daughters deepened in as much as we became more and more brothers and sisters. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and Mother Mary united as Church we endured all aspects of a true pilgrimage symbolizing the course of the human life. From moments of light-hearted joy to heavy fatigue, we were given the opportunity to remember what, or rather Who, is at the center of our lives. Walking in the dead of night past active bars or the contrastingly calm countryside, we find ourselves yet again reoriented towards the real goal of our lives: that of Holiness.

Our guide, Fr. Maurizio Botta, never tired of reminding us that to grow in holiness means to grow in our being children of God, and we become children of God following His Son who is the only one who reveals to us the Father. Contemplating the seven effusions of blood Christ suffered for us in His Passion, we reflected heavily on His doing of the Father’s will. On the cross, in the gravest of human suffering, Jesus calls God “Father” and accepts His will. This is what it means to call God “Father”: to accept all in trust from the loving hands of the One who loves us infinitely and unconditionally.

After the days of physical effects of this pilgrimage are long gone (and of those I expect not just a few), I hope those of the spiritual kind long remain. It was such a simple act in reality, what we did last night. There was no glamour or limelight. The only cause of the attention we attracted was our sheer number of participants. I was humbled by the realization that I too often live my “daily life” disoriented from my true goal. That which we live (worries, struggles, joys…) is only worth it in as much as it brings us into a greater intimacy with the Son who reveals to us the Father and breaths upon us the Holy Spirit. We must live every moment WITH Him praying unceasingly as He implores us to do. No moment is too small or difficulty too great to invoke His presence.

The graces I perceive to have immediately received from this pilgrimage are: a greater sense peace; joy of being in communion with the saints, both present and in the making; and a reorientation towards to true goal of my life and center of it all, that is holiness and my relationship with the Holy Trinity.

It was a sincere blessing for me to live this night of simplicity, poverty, and fatigue in intercession for those I hold in my heart and to give glory to Him to whom all honor and glory are due.

“He who wants anything other than Christ, does not know what he wants.”

 – St. Philip Neri

An Ode to Fidelity

It’s not the first or the last but the each and the every.

It’s not the individual but the whole.
It’s not even so much the disposition of the heart but the conscious presence.

Hard, the habit to start.
Easy, to break.
Impossible, the habit to ignore: one either consciously is or isn’t.

Unrecognized, the small victory of its persistence.
Strong, the temptation to see the every’s and the each’s on their own as waste and not fruitful.
Subtle, the change it brings about.
Sweet and lasting, the long term fruit it bears.

While outside the flowers blossom and the fragrance of spring sweetly tickles my nose, I’d have to say that I am experiencing a kind of interior drought: a spiritual slump of sorts. St. Ignatius of Loyola, Father of the Discernment of Spirits and founder of the Society of Jesus – more commonly known as the Jesuits – would call this a time of desolation. In his writings, St. Ignatius teaches about spiritual consolation and desolation. Spiritual consolation is like an uplifting of the heart in which one eagerly and with ease gives praise and gratitude to God turning to Him in prayer with much joy and peace. Instead, a time of spiritual desolation is a weighing down of the heart in which one feels to be in darkness, overcome by doubts, temptations, or self-worries. All of us experience each of these as we make our way through low and dark valleys or enjoy the view from the mountaintop in this journey of life. St. Ignatius offers different suggestions on how to combat this spiritual desolation, not allowing it to inflict too much damage, but in the end, one must often simply wait for consolation to return.

What I’ve found most effective for me in this current “spiritual slump” is returning to moments of spiritual consolation in which I am certain to have heard the Father’s voice. There are around 4 or 5 distinct moments of prayer in my past that I still can’t doubt came from the Lord. In none of these instances did I actually hear a voice but I know that He spoke His words write into my heart.

Returning to these moments has helped me in many ways. First I find my heart lightened with the memory of a consolation. It’s as if the clouds of my desolation part for a second and allow some rays of warm sunshine to bring relief to my shadow covered heart. I have renewed hope that consolation will return and I will once again feel the certainty of His presence. Secondly, I am able to reflect on those moments and how I arrived at them. The one thing each of these moments has in common is my experience of self dependence that immediately precedes them. In each case, I find myself at the point of surrender to the Lord because I finally come to realize that I can’t depend on myself and that in doing so I keep running into the wall of my imperfection and limitedness. In the frustration and exhaustion of having tried to be self-sufficient for so long, I turn in desperation to the only One who not only can fulfill each of my needs and desires but wrote each of them on my heart before I ever came to be.

And the final lesson? The most important I would say…is that of fidelity. Faithfulness. I would have never arrived at these moments of rich joy if I hadn’t persevered through long periods of great drought. My Spiritual Director says that the best way to end prayer is by saying to the Lord: “Tomorrow, I will be here.” He says that it is in little acts of faithfulness that love grows. And I see the truth of this in my own life. In each moment that I decide to go into the chapel or pick up my rosary even when I feel no desire to do so, even when it seems as if I am merely completing a task on my to-do list - in those moments, I am really making an act of faith and opening up the door. Even just a crack is enough to let in the great love that our God is already pouring out on me and that I am just not yet able to receive in full. And each day that door opens another little bit, and another, and another until BAM! I find myself overwhelmed by a moment of great love. This love surprises me and catches me off guard but if I stop to think about it, it is merely the same love being poured upon me all along. But the best part? Even when I fail to be faithful, God remains faithful and never stops loving me to the highest degree possible! It is my love that grows in faithfulness. It is my love that grows more capable of meeting and accepting the unconditional and overbearing love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. His love…it is always faithful, always true, always present, and always mine.

This saying is trustworthy: If we have died with him we shall also live with him; if we persevere we shall also reign with him. But if we deny him he will deny us.
If we are unfaithful he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself.
2 Timothy 2: 11-13

God is Love, and God is Faithful.