My Next Step!

This post comes about a month after its contents were revealed to me but as a precious and important bit of news I decided to spread it gradually and personally. I am sorry to those of you who I was unable to contact in that way before you read this but I rejoice in getting to share it with you through my preferred medium of the written word.

Surprise! (...or maybe not?)

I am not sure onto whose ears this news will fall as completely unexpected or not understandable. Even those who have merely read my blog a couple of times could have detected (I hope) an interest I had in heading this direction. Truth be told it is something I've been prayerfully considering for a good couple of years now. These are not the kind of things you can decide over night (not without miraculous grace and trust at least).

To take you to the beginning would be impossible since seeds are always planted way before the first green sprouts forth from the earth. However I can give you a bit of an insight into the happenings of these past few years and the components that have made this choice not only possible but free and joyful.

First I must stress the importance of quality time in my journey. It seems to be an often unspoken truth that relationships cannot be built without intentionally seeking out time to spend together. Indeed how can two people relate to each other without the investment of time? In my experience, intentionality is a work in progress. However, the more time spent together, the more my desire to continue to show up grows. Even when the pool of discussion topics runs dry or an air of conflict fills the space between us, I cannot deny the tuggings from both my head and my heart to remain there in the presence that fulfills me, that has captivated my heart, and that never stops inviting me back.

Second I share with you the naturalness and gradual growth of this relationship that has led to "my next step". Many times over the last years I - rather foolishly - begged for a sign, a bright blinking billboard to grab my attention and hit me upside the head with my life's purpose. And all the while I moved forward, slowly and steadily, sometimes without even my own knowing. This growth - this advancement - has been so natural that upon reflection I realized that there was less of a choice to yet be made and more of one to recognize as having already been made. I'm sure many of you can relate. There comes a point in many relationships (especially those long term friendships that gravitate more and more towards dating relationships) when two choices are present: the recognition that the relationship is more than what it started as and must be embraced in its new definition OR the denial of the existence of the development usually leading to retreat and confusion for each involved. I opted for the former being honest enough to know that I am caught in something I don't want out of.

Thirdly I briefly mention feelings because although it is not advisable to stake much on them, they are a very real part of the human experience. For me, feelings (as expected) come and go. Sometimes they remain longer and sometimes they are simply absent. Contrary to my prior belief, it is in their absence that I discover my true sentiments. Willing to stay despite unpleasant or un-present feelings is one of the most real "yes's" one can say in a relationship.

Finally, I write a word about joy and peace. Throughout this recent period of my life which a friend once accurately dubbed "agonizingly beautiful", my true compass has been joy and peace. When I speak of them I don't mean feelings in the way I mentioned above but rather that foundational joy and peace that lies as a cushion just below my heart. Just this morning I was explaining their presence in my life especially during this past month to my roommate. There is this pervading joy and peace that underlies everything else. Even on the days that could have gone a lot better or in the face of my three final exams this week, I can't shake it. Some days I even want to be more upset, to pity myself, to break that annoying joy that won't go away but I just can't. It is this joy and peace that guide me and direct my steps, and with their presence I can't deny the surety of where I stand now and where I'm headed in the future.

So what is this big announcement? Do you really not know?

Over the past two years I have been discerning a call to consecrated life. In the past year I have discerned that the Lord is indeed calling me in that direction of giving my life completely over to him mind, body, and soul. Honestly it feels like the most natural thing in the world to pursue a deeper exclusivity with the One who has captured my heart with such tenderness and patience.

Concurrently I have been journeying with the Apostles of the Interior Life (that community I so often post about) and submitted my application in the middle of this fall semester. The news I received a month ago was of my acceptance! Thus, providing that I pay off my student debt (read more about how you can help me do that here), I will enter their community post-graduation in June of 2015. They have asked me to spend the summer with them in Italy (yippee!) and then to return to live with them in their house in College Station where I will spend my 1 year of pre-formation. Upon its completion and at the will of God, I will move to Rome for 5 additional years of formation before vows.

I could not think of a better time to enter a religious community than during the year that the pope has dedicated as The Year of Consecrated Life. In a letter to all consecrated he named one of his aims for the year as "to live the present with passion." He speaks of the Gospel saying "[It] is demanding: it demands to be lived radically and sincerely. It is not enough to read it (even though the reading and study of Scripture is essential), nor is it enough to meditate on it (which we do joyfully each day). Jesus asks us to practice it, to put his words into effect in our lives." In my own life I have heard Jesus speak in the depths of my heart. I have heard Him call my name and ever so gently ask of me my life.

It is my deepest desire first and foremost to follow the will of Him whom my heart loves and who I know as the source of all good, and it is my slightly lesser desire that this will lead me to professing the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience in accordance with the Rule of Life of the Apostles of the Interior Life.

Prayers are welcome.

Now I desire to take you through a picture timeline of my journey with the Apostles. :)


The day Sr. Michela and I made kolaches...



...and pizza (Spring 2012)

When I "needed" a picture with those Italian nuns my freshman year (Spring 2012)

FIAT group (Spring 2013)

My first Catholic Spiritual Mentorship Program in Kansas (May 2013)

My second time at the CSMP; first time in loads of snow (January 2014)

Sr. Michela (my first spiritual director) at CSMP (Jan 2014)

House of Formation in Rome (May 2014)

Hiking in Cortina (July 2014)

Briana, Sr. Michela, Me in Rome (July 2014)

Me and Sr. Susan-the first sister! (July 2014)

Me, Janelle, Sr. Tiziana, and Briana (July 2014)

Sr. Sabina (July 2014)

My first picture with "Sister" Tatum (September 2014)



Recreation with Briana (Fall 2014)

The day I got my letter! (Nov 20, 2014)

With my future roommates!
December 8, 2014

The gift of learning

This is a blog post spurred by two things: my new found appreciating for learning and the anxiety of class scheduling.

Learning to Love Learning
In recent weeks it has hit me how wonderful the gift of learning and pursuing a higher education really is. In the midst of papers, readings, tests I find myself blossoming with joy and eagerness for more knowledge. One day something just clicked. I noticed a movement in my head that occurs while I am in my classes or have my nose stuck in a book. My new discoveries bounce off of old ones creating links from past studies to present. I am surprised by my memory of old classes and material previously learned that my mind immediately refers back to. It's as if everything just continues to build upon itself and expand. It's really quite awesome! I also recognize the world view that I live in by where my brain goes when I am confronted with a new theory or concept. My first questions are often: "how does the Church view this?" and "where is Jesus in that?" This allows me to see how my Catholic formation and my civil education both collide to create a unique and developing "mental me".

Perhaps much of this excitement is spurred by the love I have for my classes this semester. The class structures are so much more discussion based then I am used to. We read actual writings of experts and/or witnesses of events. There are no more textbooks - simply books written by anthropologists, political scientists, investigative reporters, and the like. Sure I read even more and am constantly studying something but I am also seeing the application of that which I study in everyday life and find myself desiring to speak of it with others. I have had classes like such scattered throughout past semesters but this one is littered with them. It is these upper level classes that I will miss the most.

Feeling assured by the fact that learning does not ever end, I move forward joyfully but also patiently appreciating the present moment of lecture halls, papers, heavy reading loads, exams, and (dare I even say it)...group projects.

Class Scheduling
As far as college goes, I think class scheduling is the most anxious time for me - more than even exam periods or big project deadlines. There is just something about registering for classes that stresses me out. I'd say it is connected with the fact that I don't want to pick something that I will regret having taken and have to live with knowing that I picked it myself. It's just a lot of self inflicted pressure and exposes two weakness of mine: to look at the top of the staircase instead of the next step and to fear yet desire to have control. I don't have a remedy for these two weaknesses. They are just imperfections I am slowly storing up the courage to ask for purification from. I say storing up courage because we often get what we pray for in ways that aren't as "romantic" as we imagined. For instance, a prayer for patience can land you in a car that hits every single red light on Texas Avenue. (Try it. I dare you.)

Anyways...scheduling this time around presents two new experiences for me: (1) It is my last time to schedule classes since I graduate in May 2015 (A-Whoop), and (2) I am only taking 3 classes for a total of 9 hours. As a soon-to-be graduating senior I find myself overwhelmed with the realization that my time here is quickly diminishing. And, as I mentioned above, with my new found love and appreciation for learning burning in my heart, I look to that day in May with bittersweet feelings. Yes it is a day that marks the achievement and hard work I've put into these past 4 years (and the 12 before that really) but it also marks the end to this time of learning. Now don't get me wrong, learning is a life long project that we can't turn off if we wanted to. However, there's a difference between learning from life or as a professional and living the vocation of being a student in a university setting. Right now, as I harped on earlier in this post, I am obliged to spend my time studying in a very literal sense reading primary and secondary sources by experts or first hand witnesses, expanding my knowledge at the feet of professors who devote their life to the very subject of my study, and developing a close relationship with my laptop on which I spend hours each day researching and writing. Sure I can choose how much time I devote to it and do take healthy breaks for prayer, relaxation, and fun, but my duty as a student is to do what students do (i.e. study). There is no other time like this in life. I currently live to go to campus and increase my knowledge.

Looking at the class choices, I realize that I want to take them all. I can't pick. I don't want to think of missing out on great classes I could take (which is ridiculous because there are many great classes that I would never have enough time to take). The good news: Jesus got this. I don't have control...not really at least. I have free will so I can choose the class but I am not required to control the outcomes. If anything I am required to surrender and relinquish that control to God who knows exactly what class He has in mind for the formation that I will receive in this next spring of my life.

And when the gift is unwrapped?
Does walking across the stage in Reed Arena, signaling the end of my time as an undergraduate student at the great Texas A&M University mean that learning is over? No, but you all get that by now. Does it mean that learning in this way - in a class setting, on a campus, surrounded by friends in the same situation, without a 9-5 job or a larger commitment in place - is over? Yes. Am I sad about this? Yes AND No. Yes because this time of college really is quite awesome (see above for how I really feel about that :P ). No because God has willed it to be so, and if God has willed it, it is the best thing - the highest good.

We are Pilgrims on a Journey

Just follow this train of thought:

home is where the heart is

where your treasure is there will your heart be also (Mt 6:21)  

Home is where the heart is.
As overused as this saying may be, it rings true in many ways. To feel home somewhere is simply to have a happy and full heart there. In my cultural geography class we learned about iconic landscapes. This term names the feeling I get when Hwy 60 opens up to reveal the A&M water tower and press box of Kyle Field or when acres of flat lands below a great big Texas sky -no matter how dry- pushes sweetness right from my heart up into a great big smile on my face. A&M Campus in College Station and Texas country farmlands are two examples of iconic landscapes for me. Seeing them produces a movement of my heart that reminds me that I am home.

Where your treasure is there will your heart be also.
This is one of my favorite Bible versus (although arguably I say that ALOT...so I have quite a few). In a meditation over it one day, it really hit me that, with my free will, I choose where my heart will be. If I cherish things of this world as my treasure (namely fame, wealth, popularity, and the like) my heart will be in the world and consequentially never satisfied by any of the passing pleasures present here. But, if I cherish the things of heaven as Jesus instructs us (i.e. virtues, friendship grounded in God, true beauty, pure love, etc...), my heart will be in the hands of God. And what better place of refuge than the very Hands of its Craftsman? Only there can my heart be satisfied, quiet, and confident (in the poetically beautiful words of Audrey Assad).

In sum.
Our home is with God who crafted our hearts. Our hearts can only be completely fulfilled and satisfied in His presence. Thus, Heaven -the true home to which He calls us- contains the things that should comprise all of our treasure. Being that God created these complicated hearts of ours that often try to stray away from those wonderful treasures in Heaven, He knows this is not always easy for us. In order to lead us on our journey, He gives us feelings of home along the way. This starts in our nuclear families that foster our growth and begin our formation (thus the importance of the family unit in society). After that, a well formed conscience (through catechesis and much prayer) will sense a distinct difference in the feeling of home in a place that is propelling one toward God or leading one astray. Although the pleasures of this world can be enticing, the emptiness left in their wake is deafening and unavoidable by a heart willing to seek true fulfillment and joy. In stark contrast, when a heart stores up its treasure in Heaven, nothing -not even legitimate struggles or sacrifice- can break one's sense of purpose and deep down joy. This "home-feeling" becomes a compass on our path to living God's will. It is also useful in distinguishing between two goods that both potentially lead to Heaven when only one of these goods is made for the particular person in question (i.e. Vocation to marriage or celibacy for the kingdom). Therefore, as pilgrims journeying to our true home (Heaven), we can trust in our Navigator (God) who connects all the homes we experience in this life in a straight line to Him.

St. Mary's Catholic Center; College Station, Texas.
For me, St. Mary's is one of these "homes" on my way to my true, eternal home. More than anything, the feeling of home is manifested in the people I am surrounded by here. Lately I have been reflecting over the wonder at having made such close-knit friendships and developed a family-like community in a little over three years. St. Mary's is a place that never fails to provide me with a warm familiar face at the same time that it introduces me to someone new. It is where I can go to rest, study, eat, learn, and worship. And best of all, St. Mary's houses Jesus in the Eucharist providing ample time for prayer and being in His glorious presence. I know that God has given me St. Mary's as a home to lead me to my true home with Him in Heaven. For on this earth, we are a pilgrim Church after all...

During an Aggie Football watch party at St. Mary's

Roomies!

At Rockie's for a night of dancing!

After a Sunday mass

Thursday night recreation with this lovely

After daily mass when all of our eyes were a starkly different color

Watching the Aggies BTHO ULM

My One Reoccurring Thought

As I walk home across the short pasture that separates my house from Grandma's with tears brimming at my eyes because I have to leave once again, I have the reoccurring thought that has been following me for the past several months now: God You are so good. But this thought does not occur alone. In fact it constantly precedes the haunting question: Why? Why are You so good to me who does not merit any of this on my own? Indeed I cannot claim the one thing that does merit His goodness which is the love with which He created me.

I am reminded of His goodness and haunted with this "why" daily as I look around myself. Who am I really to have this beautiful piece of land, these wonderful loving people in my life, and countless other blessings that I don't always even recognize? To what of myself can I attribute the fact that I attend an amazing university (A-Whoop) with an even more amazing Catholic campus ministry to provide me with a true home away from home? Nothing. I am nothing...not without Him. As a matter of fact, I am only something because of Him.

Therefore, I can come to no other conclusion but to that of my primary identity. It is not that I deserve these things or that I have worked hard to earn them. My life is how it is simply because He loves me. Simply because I am loved by Him who is Love. I need not do anything but be. I am and He gives generously. My cup overfloweth. He has loved me with an everlasting love. I am His.
Even when I do wrong - when I sin - I find favor with the Father who awaits me with open arms and a slaughtered calf. It really quite amazes me that I can walk around all day and not be overwhelmed to the point of disability to function by this fact. That I can actually sometimes completely ignore it. How ungrateful and selfish am I in these moments. And how patient and devoted is He.

Even in pain and suffering God is still God and never leaves our side. He is forever faithful and keeps all of His promises. Perhaps in those moments of suffering the realization of God's goodness is that much more striking and precious. It is then that we are granted entrance into His own suffering (at least a glimpse) - suffering He willingly underwent for our sake. Because He, who is far above us, did not have to take on our corrupt flesh and endure the worst kind of death. He is God. He does not have to do anything. So why did He? Because He loves us.  But we are so bad, so broken, so selfish, so sinful, so...human. Why God? Because you need Me. Because you are Mine. Because I Am.

May this reason why be enough for you and may your days be forever haunted with this same reoccurring thought because indeed God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.

Living a balanced life (well...trying)

You know that religious community that I talk about all of the time - the Apostles of the Interior Life? Well, they promote living a balanced life as a means to joy and fulfillment. The first talk I actually heard them give was on exactly this. Needless to say I was attracted by the idea but it has taken me awhile to actually implement it. And as a college student, my schedule changes each semester so I'm basically starting over from square one each August and January. However, it does get easier after trying and failing so often. I mean...I know you've heard "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again". But why was I motivated to keep trying? Why bother adding one other task to the long list set before me? Because even the few little glimpses that I have had of this so-called "balanced life", whether it be in my own life or that of someone else, has been so powerful and so attractive. I just had to have it too.

I consider last fall semester (2013) to be the time that I really started to understand the beauty in balance. In a bit of a health kick, I started making time for running each day as well as eating healthy. I also had recently "upped my game" in the prayer realm and started praying the Liturgy of the Hours regularly. Finally, something that I never give enough credit to because I have nearly forgotten about it now, I gave up tv which had been something that ate up a lot of my time previously. With these simple changes in my life I found that I was genuinely more happy and less stressed.

Rule of Life

I essentially wrote a Rule of Life for myself. This was preceded by simply listing out all that I wanted to do with my day down to the very basics: prayer, mass, meals, exercise, study, class, shower, clean, fun, etc. With a list made and narrowed down to my priorities, I set out to give each "duty" a time, a place, in my day. Arranging them in the order that made the most sense to me and then shuffling them around for the next few weeks until they created a beautiful harmony in my life. That's what it feels like to live balance - like I'm living a song. My time in prayer and at mass is the melody because of its constancy and beauty. When I find myself off key or out of tune, all I need to do is find the melody to get back on track, and I know that without the melody there cannot be any harmony.

Sunday

To make it even better, in the spring, I started to observe "keep holy the Sabbath day" more strictly and gave up all school work, errands, and unnecessary labor on that day. This meant more work on Friday night and Saturday but it sure has increased my appreciation of Sunday. I can't wait until Sunday now and it's so refreshing to be able to honor this great day in even the attitude I have towards it. Sunday is no longer that dreadful day that precedes the terrible Monday. No. Sunday has literally become my funday. I can't help but smile at the thought of it being Sunday and you should see me on that day! Talk about happy and stress free! I get to take walks, bake kolaches or cook in general, hang out with friends, or even just rest without the guilt of not doing any school work because I finished it all the days prior in anticipation of my resting day. "Funday Sunday" anyone?

I also find it all the more appropriate because the extra time allows me to draw nearer to the Lord on this special day. It is in fact not only the day He ordained for rest but the one on which He rose from the dead. The day He made sense of His suffering Passion and Death. The day He opened up the gates of Heaven. The day He completed His mission and conquered all death and evil. The victory is won! We must celebrate that!

I am convinced that God did not just create Sunday as a day of rest for Him. Sure He may have been the first to utilize it but He desires that it be a resting day for us all. He created us. He knows the difficulty, the stress, the labor (perhaps more than anyone) it takes to be human. And He wants us to take time for ourselves to recharge and rediscover silence. He doesn't desire that we draw closer to Him on Sundays for His own sake (although He undoubtedly enjoys the attention of His beloved children) but because it is the best thing for us. The more we draw closer to our Heavenly Father, the more we come alive. The more we discover ourselves and find the path to greater fulfillment in joy. It really is an all around win-win if I ever heard of one. This is why Sunday is soooo important and so worth a working Friday and Saturday to be able to rest on it.

My Personal Balancing Act

With all of that said, I must admit that this semester has presented me with an especially difficult time of finding balance. By no means is every task weighed out in the perfect proportion and leaving me forever feeling refreshed and ready to go on to the next. Quite the contrary I have found myself fatigued and a bit overwhelmed at times. This is mostly due to the work load I find myself with this year in writing and reading intensive classes that won't seem to give me much of a break. However, the melody of my song this year is much stronger than it has been in the past. It is actually the only thing that has continued to improve during this past year of intentionally seeking balance. And for me, that is enough to prove that balance works. If it is bringing me closer to the Lord by showing me how much I really do depend on and need prayer in my life, than it is well worth it.

And that's what I'd like to leave you with today. If you see no other appeal to this idea of balance. If you interpret it as just a massive mess of list making and complicating schedules then simply consider implementing it solely for the effect it could (in my opinion, would) have on your prayer life. Before sitting down in front of my schedule and really thinking about what I was doing with each of my days, why I was doing it, and how I could be more fruitful in them, I didn't quite understand how important prayer was. I hadn't experienced the lightness of truly relying on the Lord as my friend, as the One to carry my burdens, or the One to just listen to me. But now that I have seen how much is actually required of me each day I know that I could never do it on my own or more accurately, I know that I could never do it without Him. My hope - my prayer - is that the reading of this blog could in any way, shape, or form do the same for you.

 

In your heart you know that it is not the same to live without Him.

-Pope Francis, Evangelii Gaudium

Encounter of a divine kind

So I recently had a beautiful experience that I would love to get detailed about but out of the respect of privacy I must not. However, the actual experience itself is not as important as the lesson to take from it.

What I can tell you is that I recently started up a conversation with a young woman and was left afterwards with a joy filled and content heart. Why is this? Because I had opened myself up to this encounter that the Lord had in store for me...well us.

You see, I didn't have to introduce myself to her and she didn't have to reciprocate the conversation I initiated. We were just both in a room together for a few minutes but I'd be willing to say that because of the openness we both had to the conversation, we left that room edified and better for having had it.

So naturally, as I am prone to do, I've been thinking. These kinds of encounters are awaiting us always if we just put ourselves in a position that's open to them. In The Weight of Glory C.S. Lewis says: “Next to the Blessed Sacrament Itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses.” Wow! What does this mean? This means that we are each other's opportunity to encounter the Divine (that is the Creator who created each and every one of us with unique gifts and talents that point to Him).

But what does this mean for us in a practical application for everyday life? Well, I'd say its a challenge to say "hi" to that stranger on the bus or in class. A challenge to stop listening to music and listen to someone else's voice for a change. A challenge to be present to the people - the opportunities of encounter - around us.

We don't know the impact we can have or another person can have on us and maybe we won't ever even see the fruits from a conversation, but we need to encounter others and see them as the holy and divinely created beings that they (we) are.

Today we celebrate the Feast of St. Matthew who, before becoming an apostle, was a detested tax collector sitting at his post. But with one look - one encounter - his life was changed forever. Now we know that this encounter was so impactful because it was with Jesus Christ. So how does that relate to my blog post? Genesis tells us that "God created man in His own image." We are points of encounter for others, and they are the same for us. To reiterate what C.S. Lewis so beautifully states: outside of the Eucharist, Jesus Himself, the best opportunity we have to encounter something holy with our humanly senses is each other. That's powerful stuff.

So, like St. Matthew and the other apostles, go out as people who were sent for each other. Be a prayer warrior for your family, an accountability partner for your best friends, and a warm smile for a complete stranger. Be beacons of light, salt for the earth. Spread His love. His joy.

Like with St. Matthew, Jesus has looked on us with love. It's about time we start truly loving those that we see.

St. Matthew the Apostle pray for us.

#catholicprobs

So this past Saturday, I had to choose between two wonderful and joyous events to attend which only show how Catholic I really have become.

What were those two events? I'll tell you in a second but first I need to give a back story.

Many of us come to a point in our lives when we stop and think "whoa...look how far I've come." Saturday, or rather the day I realized I had to choose which event to go to on Saturday, was one of those days for me.

Three years ago I entered college with my faith on, what I considered, the "right track". I was already attending mass daily and had an attraction to the faith, but beyond that, I wasn't much different than the rest. Or was I?...

Here at St. Mary's, I found a community of Catholic college kids living their faith and having the time of their lives while doing it. I encountered a religious community that stressed prayer and balance. And most importantly, I encountered Jesus Christ in a more personal way.

Now, flash forward three years and imagine the subtle increase of prayer, knowledge, and love for the faith that has grown in me. (Check out my Who I Am blog page for an example). My closest friends are other Catholics also striving to grow in their faith and discover their Vocation (the path in life the Lord has created them for and called them to). Which brings me to the dilemma...

Katie Crandall, a now alumni of Texas A&M, and I met in the spring semester of my freshman year when she was my SI leader for Geography of Planet Earth. We then culminated our friendship in groups at St. Mary's (those led by the Apostles of the Interior Life in particular). Our friendship took us on many adventures including a whirlwind of a weekend pilgrimage to Hanceville, Alabama to see the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament and a week living together one summer eating ice cream, pizza, and watching documentaries that convinced us of the existence of Mermaids (I am not kidding, check it out here!)

Katie, Karen, and I in front of the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament

Only days before her entrance

Katie graduated in May of 2014 and spent the summer touring the States to visit all of her friends and family. She did this in anticipation of Saturday which was to be a day that would change her life forever. You see, Saturday Katie Crandall, my dear dear friend, entered a religious community as a first year postulant. This beautiful and young religious community (founded in the 1990s I believe) is The Sisters of Life, and they are located mostly in the North England area and Canada. Katie's convent is in the Bronx of New York City and upon entrance one cannot use any social media or modern forms of communication. The only means of communication Katie can use to speak with relatives and friends who don't live nearby is letter writing. And as beautiful as this is, it understandably caused Katie some stress which she relieved by visiting everyone she could before hand.
Katie invited me to come with her to New York to attend her entrance mass and see her off and I had every intention of going before I met...

Tatum McWhirter, an alumni of Benedictine College born and raised in Hastings, Nebraska (home to none other than Kool-aid itself) and I met this past summer in Rome. She was my welcoming committee and showed me around all of the must see sites both in my first few days and when I returned to Rome on an excursion with La Scuola di Dante Alighieri in Camerino. Tatum instantly captured my heart with her genuine smile and simplicity. Upon meeting her one gets the beautiful impression that with Tatum what you see is what you get. She possesses no hidden agendas or two-faced tendencies. Tatum is transparent in all good aspects of the word. Now I say this rather confidently after only having known her for a few months but I trust that my perception is correct.
Although I first met Tatum this summer in Rome, I must confess that I have known of her for quite some time now. You see, Tatum is/was in formation with the Apostles of the Interior Life (the religious community that live and minister here at St. Mary's). Therefore her name and face were familiar to me before my summer adventure.

Tatum and I in Rome after a night watching seminarians perform a comedy at the Roman Seminary

Tatum returned to the States at the beginning of August to make her own trip to see family and friends. She too was preparing for a life changing event but not one that would cut her off from the outside world but rather one that would tie her to it in a way that she hadn't previously known. Saturday September 6, 2014 Tatum McWhirter became a Bride of Christ and vowed herself to Him in poverty, chastity, and obedience according to the Rule of Life of the Apostles of the Interior Life. She therefore became a missionary of the New Evangelization and pledged her life to the Lord through the ministry of the formation of souls.

What does this all mean?
It means that I had to pick between the entrance of one of my closest friends into a religious community knowing that my time to see her after would be limited and the wedding of a new friend of mine who was becoming a full member of the religious community responsible for my own formation and one that I hold very dear to my heart. Talk about "#catholicprobs"! I assure you that this was not an easy choice but in the end my inner peace confirmed that I had made the right one.

Eccola! The blushing bride on her wedding day!