Newsletter Update January 2024

Dear Family and Friends,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Unto us a Child is born, One who is to bring salvation to all the nations. What good and joyful news for us all! I pray that this Christmas season has brought with it many blessings for you and your family and that the light of the Christ child has illuminated any areas of your heart that may feel oppressed by darkness. He has come and He keeps on coming so we may have hope and take courage!

As per usual, I am happy to share with you some of what has happened in my life over the last few months...

Important Events

- In September and October, we sisters offered a mini-series on evangelization with the students here at Texas A&M and were able to even do hands-on experiences with them on campus. It was a particular joy getting to not only speak about evangelization but to do it along side of them.

- November unofficially became "AVI Parents Month" as many of our parents visited us in College Station during that time.

- On November 19 I became a Godmother (for the first time) to a beautiful baby boy named David Michael Ortiz. He is the son of good friends Michael and Samantha Ortiz. 

- On December the 8th Sr. Kate Cropp became the 19th Apostle of the Interior Life to profess the promises of chastity, poverty, and obedience. Her consecration was held at the St. Lawrence Catholic Center in Lawrence, KS. It is there that God called Kate to be totally His while she was a student at KU.

My parents and I in front of our chapel in College Station

Story Time

December 7th marked the 4th anniversary of my consecration as an Apostle of the Interior Life. It was a day uniquely impacted by the Lord's presence, showing up in mysterious ways that I could have never anticipated but that I truly needed...

That morning I was struck by the first reading from the prophet Isaiah (Is 26:1-6):

A nation of firm purpose you keep in peace;

in peace, for its trust in you.

Trust in the LORD forever!

For the LORD is an eternal Rock.

I had prayed with this very reading during the retreat in preparation for my consecration that I had done, led by my formator Sr. Janel. I remember having been struck by the idea of being "of firm purpose" and of receiving the Lord's gift of peace by simply choosing to trust in Him, my Rock. Again, 4 years later, I found myself in need of that very peace that only the Lord could give, and I felt invited to surrender in trust to Him.

As Vocation Director it was my job to organize "all-things-Liturgy" for the consecration of our newest sister Kate. I was not necessarily surprised by the anxiety and stress that I was experiencing. After all, I've been living with myself for over 30 years now: my perfectionism and performance anxiety is no new thing to me. It was a kind of default for me - a safe space - to take an analytical approach, paying attention to minute details and reviewing various lists and checkboxes in my mind. However, I was keenly aware that the Lord desired more for me in those days - that, perhaps, in fact, I desired more for myself too. He wanted me to be attuned to my heart and not only to my mind. He wanted me to truly enter into those days, let go of the control, and cling to the eternal Rock in trust...and in peace.

This meant that I first needed to recognize where I was not at peace, to name those fears and anxieties burdening my heart, to notice what wasn't going the way I had planned and to acknowledge my helplessness to do anything about it. It also meant noticing how inwardly focused I was and how all of my anxiety revolved around me. And finally, it meant having to accept myself in that very instant, exactly how I was.

As we entered into the final preparations for the adoration vigil that we Apostles host on the eve of a first consecration, the anxious feelings of my heart could no longer be rationalized away or kept at bay by the controlling thoughts of my brain. I felt overcome by the pressure to be perfect (according to my unreachable standard of perfection) and to make everyone happy (according to another of my unreachable standards). I was unable to hide it any longer and found myself the recipient of my sisters' concern and kind words. I was even prayed over spontaneously by three of my sisters who, with this act of simple and yet great faith, reminded me that the Lord is my eternal Rock and at each moment I can entrust myself to Him again and open myself up to His peace.

A few moments later, Kate appeared, all dressed and ready to head to the church for the adoration vigil. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but something about how she entered the room, the smile on her face, and the shared wonder and awe of us sisters and women in formation as we looked upon this bride-to-be...something about the sense of that moment caused a shift in my heart.

I slowly walked upstairs to get ready for the evening myself. As another couple of sisters rummaged around in the room, gathering last minute things and filling their purses, I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes for a second. Taking some slow deep breaths, I returned to the image of Kate walking into the living room on her way to the car. No longer only consumed with myself, I began to talk to the Lord about that moment: Lord, Kate is so beautiful. You must be so proud and filled with joy that she is giving herself to you so completely through her consecration tomorrow. Of this there was no doubt in my mind, and it was as if I was participating in His pride and joy. And then, ever so gently and tenderly He spoke back to me: Yes, just as I am so proud and filled with joy that you have given yourself to me through your consecration.

Peace flooded my heart. No doubt was in my mind. I was set firmly on the eternal Rock. The Lord knew me. He knew of my tendencies to perfectionism and to anxiety when He called me to Himself years ago. He knew me in that present moment in which I had allowed those fears to overwhelm me and distract me from what was True, Good, and Beautiful. He knew me after 4 years of consecration and was still looking upon me as His beautiful bride of whom He is well pleased. I opened my eyes with a smile on my face and left the house with a new strength that was not of me.

The songs we sang in the adoration vigil that evening were handpicked for Kate and yet they gave me a chance to celebrate my own consecration anniversary with a new awareness of how the Lord continues to make "Beautiful Things" out of my life, of His desire to be my "One Thing", and of our mutual desire to "Sing My Love" to each other.

The music team and Kate (the one in the middle)
the day after her consecration

Where is my heart?

As perhaps made clear through my story time, as of late, my heart has been experiencing a wide variety of emotions. It's like the Lord is allowing me to become more keenly aware of my interior movements so as to be able to invite Him more intentionally into them. It's not always easy (or pleasant) to grow in this awareness. In fact, at times, I really would rather just play the "ignorance-is-bliss" card and not give my heart any attention at all. But, as I learned on December 7th, the Lord desires more for me than a false mental control that momentarily distracts me from the fears and anxieties of my heart. He calls me to live in the integrity of my whole person: mind, body, heart, spirit. 

And - as also alluded to in the story above - I find that His desire matches my own. Deep down, I also desire to live fully and profoundly; to feel the effect of each movement of my heart; to give names to these movements and not have them exist in me as hidden forces I do not know. Ever so gently and tenderly the Lord calls me into this. And when I resist - when I pull away - He remains firm, calling me to Him, promising His presence, His peace, His love. 

A tool that I have found to be helpful for me to enter into this integration of my whole person into my relationship with Christ is that of the Daily Examen Prayer. This prayer originates from the spiritual tradition of St. Ignatius of Loyola. This past semester, in a particular way, I have allowed this form of prayer to take a more prominent role in my daily life, and I am seeing it's many fruits already even now. 

The way I live the prayer is simple. At the end of the day, when all of my tasks are done and all that remains is to go to bed...

1. I put myself intentionally in the presence of the Lord: Come Lord Jesus. Here I am before You.
2. I start to remember the moments (both big and small) of my day in chronological order and...
1. I praise Him and thank Him for His many gifts
2. I ask forgiveness for where I didn't respond fully to Him or I failed to love
3. I linger in the different thoughts, feelings, desires I experienced in those moments and allow the Lord to see me there as only He does
3. I look forward to the next day and already then invite Him into the different experiences I foresee
4. I finish with a simple prayer of praise: All Glory be...

This prayer often only takes about 5-10 minutes although I find myself remaining longer at times. It has become a space of great intimacy with the Lord, especially when it comes to lingering in how I lived certain moments. No one else knows or sees those heart movements or little thoughts or deep desires. I wouldn't even be able to fully communicate them if I tried. And yet, God knows them and sees them, and He loves me in them. He delights in me sharing them with Him. And so, too, do I find joy in inviting Him into those otherwise unchartered territories of my heart. 

Prayer Intentions

For my family: for the gift of good health and for continued growth in holiness 

For my godson David and his parents, Michael and Samantha, at the beginning of his life and faith journey.

For my sisters living with me here in Texas: for our community life and for the mission that we share

For Sr. Francesca and her family: for the soul of her mom, Filomena, who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly just a few days before Christmas

For Sr. Kate as she travels back to Rome to continue her daily life there as a newly consecrated member of the Apostles of the Interior Life 

For all the women in formation and in discernment with our community as they seek to know God's love and respond fully to it in the Vocation that He is calling them to 

For the new semester of campus ministry here at St. Mary's Catholic Center in College Station that serves the students of Blinn, Rellis, and Texas A&M

With Bishop Joe Vasquez at the celebration
of the 75th Anniversary of the Diocese of Austin

United in Him,

Sr. Cherise

Newsletter Update September 2023

September 17, 2023

Dear Family and Friends!

It has been a little while since I have written to y’all…but I have a lot of great things to share since my last newsletter, and I can’t wait to do so! The Lord has been so good (as usual) and has graced me with many new experiences of His love and goodness!

I will follow the normal format of my newsletters sharing some important events that have happened and/or will be happening in the coming future, recounting a story from the past several months, giving a more personal sharing from my heart, and offering you a way to support me by taking into your own time with the Lord some of my personal prayer intentions.

Important Events

May – June: I assisted at the Summer Program for Seminarians put on by the Institute for Priestly Formation (IPF) and I got to participate in their 8-day silent retreat as well: many incredible graces received in those days of silence. 

June – I got to spend 2 weeks at home in Hallettsville as well as with my brother and his family in Flower Mound. Nothing like some time in the country (with puppies!) and bonding time with the niece and nephew (who are growing so fast!!). 

July – I spent a month in Italy (Rome and Assisi) and it did my heart such good to return to a place that is so dear to me! 

July 29 – the new church of St. Mary’s Catholic Center in College Station was dedicated and I got to participate in the Mass. It was a beautiful experience of which I will share more in “Story Time”.

August 26 – our Texas house is now home to SIX Apostles this year and we will all be together starting this day. Our Sisters are: me, Sr. Clara, Sr. Raffaella, Sr. Kalin, Sr. Ruth, and (after 2 years in Rome) Sr. Tatum! We are excited for a new pastoral year and a full house. 

Story Time

It was about two decades in the making…living in the minds and hearts of pastors, associates, staff, and permanent parishioners. Plans had been drawn, scrapped, redrawn, scrapped, and then redrawn again. Money was being funded, a final architect and building company hired, and the dream seemed to slowly but surely take shape into reality.

The historic groundbreaking happened in May of 2021.

The impressive dome was put in place in March of 2022.

Our Lady of Victory was secured on top of that same dome in June of 2023.

And then…this magnificent structure became a church on July 29, 2023.

We all excitingly waited in the various “holding pens” of the St. Mary’s Campus: permanent parishioners in the “old church”; benefactors and guests in the JPII Event Center; students under the outdoor tents; bishops, priests, seminarians, and servers all in their designated vesting areas. As 10 am approached we began to process out quietly to Nagel street, blocked off by police for the occasion. We stood in silence looking up at the impressive structure, taking in its size, and admiring its beauty. Before us, the words that would greet every guest of the new church from that day forward: Behold, I make all things new.

The Procession officially began as the many priests, seminarians, servers, and bishops made their way to the entrance of the church. The construction company handed off the keys to Bishop Joe Vasquez (Diocese of Austin) who, in turn, handed them off to St. Mary’s pastor, Fr. Will Straten. We all entered into the dark church – no lights were turned on as a symbol that Christ’s light had not yet entered into it. The Mass commenced with great solemnity and an atmosphere of immense joy. All joined in the familiar mass parts led by the choir of students who gave up part of their summer to participate in this event.

After the Liturgy of the Word and the homily, we entered into a very particular part of the dedication Mass – something I had never witnessed before. The relics of three saints (Pope Saint John Paul II, Saint Teresa of Calcutta, and Saint Jose Sanchez del Rio) were reverently and permanently placed under the altar. Bishop Joe generously poured chrism oil all over the marble altar in order to consecrate it as a worthy place for the celebration of the Eucharistic feast. That same chrism oil was then place on 12 columns throughout the church by former pastors, and now bishops, David Konderla (Tulsa, OK) and Mike Sis (San Angelo, TX), as well as Bishop Joe and Fr. Will. Only then were the lights turned on and did we all experience the collective intake of breath at the vibrancy of the colors on the walls and the intensity of the gold throughout the interior of the church. The celebration of the Liturgy of the Eucharist meant that Christ, for the first time in His Eucharistic presence, was there in that space, and we, as a congregation gathered that day, were able to profess our faith and our desire to be united as a community by partaking of the same feast and truly “making” communion.

After the various “thank you’s” were said, the blessing was given, and the last songs sung many lingered in the church, soaking it all in, taking pictures, and basking in the gift of participating in that great event. We were all one family rejoicing together for a place we could together call “home”…a place that would never be the same after that day’s celebration. And just as it was with the words of Jesus that we were greeted upon our entrance, it was His words that sent us on our way also: Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…

Inside the New Church after the Dedication Mass

To watch a video of the dedication Mass click on this link: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxSGo_FQqJk

To see a digital 3D rendering of the Church go to this link: 

https://www.aggiecatholic.org/tour

Where is my heart?

Part of the reason that I have taken so long to get this newsletter out, is the “busy-ness” of this season of life. It is my first “second year” in Campus Ministry, and I must say, I underestimated the reality of returning and starting a new year. So many outreach events in which to remember old faces and learn new ones. Lots of “totally new” amidst the “already familiar”. The original sensation of adventure and discovery has dimmed to a more normal dosage. The reality of adulthood and responsibility is ever more apparent and felt...

…And in all of this my heart is both ‘scattered’ and ‘gathered’. Some days I feel like so much is happening (both externally and internally) that I will never be able to catch up, much less keep up! Other days I am more centered and stable: both feet firmly planted in the here and now. But I can honestly say that all days, even those more ‘scattered’ than ‘gathered’, I am the blissfully unworthy beneficiary of the Lord’s constant presence.

When I sway back and forth, He is unwavering. When I am confused, He is certain. When I know not where to turn, He places Himself right in my eyesight. When all is good, He makes it even sweeter.

Currently my heart is immersed in this mystery, the mystery of the love of a God who was, is, and ever shall be. And being a mystery, there are so few words to give voice to the experience. I’m not always interested in it. Some days I prefer to sulk in whatever is keeping me most ‘scattered’. But when I do let Him in, and when I do allow myself to remember who He is for me and who I am for Him…I am all of a sudden (why does it still surprise me?) ‘gathered’ up in His infinite love. It usually doesn’t change what is externally happening: the stressful responsibilities are still there; the difficult situations are not yet resolved. And even the internal struggles may even remain. But a new light and peace enter into my heart. I am caught up in a momentary stillness and quiet, in which I can just be and know that I am loved. This brief moment, sometimes lasting even just seconds, contains a truth and a promise: I am with you. You are Mine.

An epic gelato run on my last night in Rome this summer!
Thank you to our benefactors!!

Saying bye to my beloved Rome before returning to my beloved Texas!

Prayer Intentions

Our new household of 6 sisters as we seek to live in unity and mutual love, as well as dedicate ourselves fully to the mission entrusted to us.

The students of Texas A&M, Blinn, and Rellis that we serve at St. Mary’s Catholic Center: that they find a home in Christ and in the Church during their years of study here.

Our 4 women in formation in Rome: that they continue to be open to how the Lord desires to walk with them in this period of life.

Our 2 women in discernment here in Texas: that they, too, are open to God’s love so as to recognize through what way of life He is calling them to love Him back.

My family: their health and intentions.

My friend Alycia and her husband Elvi as they welcome their first born son this November.

Snagging a selfie with my niece, Emma Kate,
on the last day of my visit!

United always in Him,

Sr. Cherise

Newsletter Update December 2022

Dear Family and Friends!

Merry Christmas to all of you from College Station, Texas. As I had mentioned in my last newsletter, this year I was reassigned to our house that serves the students of Texas A&M and Blinn College. What a humbling blessing to be able to return and serve in a place where I received so much as a student. I have only been here a semester but, in good Texas fashion, I have been warmly welcomed and already feel so incredibly known and loved. It is truly a gift to call this place home.

My new house and new local community!

In this newsletter you will be able to read a little about the important events that have happened this year and that are upcoming as well as hear a detailed story from my time here so far, receive a little heart sharing of mine, and learn how you can support me with your prayers for my intentions.

Important Events

-          August: I moved from Rome, Italy to College Station, Texas and, after a week of family time, I officially started campus ministry here at St. Mary’s Catholic Center.

-          September 2: We moved into our new house that St. Mary’s provided for us since we have a larger community here this year - 5 Sisters and a young woman in formation arriving in January!

-          December: our community is spending its first ever Christmas in Texas!

-          December 26 – January 2: I get to spend a week at home at the same time as my brother and his family

-          January 5: the AVI Missionary Semester begins and a young woman will move closer to our community in order to continue her discernment. As Vocation Director I will be accompanying her in these coming months.

-          January 7-10: the AVI Vocational Retreat will be happening in Kansas with the participation of 9 young women open to consecrated life and specifically knowing more about our community.

-          January 11: Alexa, one of our young women in formation, moves into the Texas house for a semester long pastoral experience as part of her formation.

-          February 10: I’m entering into a new decade as I turn 30 this year!

Story Time

On September 29th of this year, I experienced my first ever Eucharistic Procession on the campus of Texas A&M. In fact, it is only the second time that this has ever been done, and what an experience it was!

Just imagine: 700-800 students gathered in St. Mary’s main church as Jesus, present in the most Blessed Sacrament, is processed out by the priest (both preceded and followed by altar servers holding candles and creating a dignified space for our Lord to dwell in). Slowly, one-by-one, everyone filed out of the church onto the street headed towards North Gate where we would then cross University Drive (with the assistance of very kind police officers) onto campus. Alternating songs of praise with silence and the prayer of the rosary, the procession continued with both reverence and simplicity.

A part of the crowd, myself included, was dedicated to evangelization and had the joy of simply informing those on campus of what was happening. Each of us had a small stack of flyers that directed their recipients to a more detailed explanation of what we Catholics believe about the Eucharist on the St. Mary’s website.

I still remember the emotion I felt as I watched the procession depart from the church. I was strategically placed a little in front of it so that I could encounter those who would see it from afar. As the priest moved slowly and yet surely along the path mapped out for the procession, I couldn’t help but delight in the Lord’s desire to go out and encounter those who are not coming to meet Him in the Church. I also felt a surge of pride: this is my Bridegroom, the One to whom my whole heart belongs, and look at all of these people who want to walk with Him out on campus, who want to be recognized as His followers and counted among those who belong to Him.

I don’t have any conversion stories to share with you from that night but I did have many different encounters and conversations in which I was able to testify to the Lord’s presence in the Eucharist, share about all that is happening at St. Mary’s, and even pray with and for two young women who were struck by such an event. I can still see the faces of those I met that night, although I must admit to no longer be in contact with any of them. But I keep trusting that the Lord will use that encounter, perhaps just one of a whole string of encounters, to bring those young people closer to Him. I trust that it may be part of His plan to give to them the gift He came to give us all – the gift which deep down we all seek – “life and life to the full” (Jn 10:10).

Where is my heart?

As we enter into this Christmas season my heart is really resonating with the Psalmist as he sings: Let the Lord enter; He is the King of Glory (Ps 24). For me, this first semester doing campus ministry at St. Mary’s Catholic Center in College Station has been one of many firsts. I’ve encounter quite the learning curve! But it has also been a time filled with discovery, wonder, joy, and gratitude.

I say that I have experienced many firsts because that’s just the reality of things here in Aggieland. I know the place pretty well – I spent 5 years here back between 2011 and 2016 – but I’ve never lived here as a consecrated woman, I’ve never been involved in campus ministry here (if not but on the receiving end), and I’ve never lived with some of my sisters that I now share a home with. And as the psalmist invites me to “let the Lord enter” I can almost hear Jesus’s gentle voice: “yes, let Me enter; let Me live each moment with you; let me be a part of every decision, difficulty, joy…” It’s what my heart yearns for – to share life with the Lord – but it is also what I find myself often running away from. When that learning curve gets real steep I turn to myself, to my own strengths, and try to “figure things out” or “push through”. But the Lord doesn’t ask me to do anything alone, and He doesn’t even ask most of the things I ask of myself, namely perfection and worldly success. What He does ask of me is to do things with Him, to be in relationship with Him. If I do succeed, He wants us to succeed together, and if I don’t, He still wants to experience that with me.

And when new discoveries (about myself, the world, or the Lord) bring my heart to wonder, joy, and gratitude, I hear that Voice yet again whispering to me: “let Me enter; let Me dwell there with you; let’s marvel, rejoice, and give thanks together.” There have been some mornings in which I’ve woken up with a smile almost unable to believe that this is my life, that this is what I get to do every day (i.e. serve in campus ministry as an Apostle of the Interior Life at St. Mary’s Catholic Center). And there have been evenings in which I’ve looked back over my day with sheer happiness thinking to myself “what a great day!” These are always beautiful moments but they even become more beautiful when that smile becomes a gift, that thought becomes a conversation, that reflection becomes a prayer. When the everyday events of our lives become places of encounter with the Lord, it is then that we are letting the Lord enter; we are allowing the King of Glory to reign in our hearts.

This is where my heart is. It’s in a good place, a warm and cozy place, but it’s also being called into new places, into a new deepening, into a more intimate encounter. It is being called to “let the Lord enter” with trust and love for Him who “is the King of Glory”.   

Singing at St. Mary's

Prayer Intentions

-          AVI Vocational Retreat: please keep the 9 participants and our team of 4 Apostles in your prayers as we prepare for this event. May it be a blessed experience for these young women in discernment.

-          AVI Missionary Semester: please pray for this young woman and her discernment as well as for me and my accompaniment of her throughout the journey.

-          The young women in formation: please continue to pray for Alexa, Kate, Liz, and Laurita as they continue their years of formation seeking to learn more about themselves, the community, and God’s will for their lives.

-          In a special way please pray for Alexa as she moves into our house here in Texas this January in order to live a semester long pastoral experience as part of her formation.

-          Please continue to pray for my family: my parents (Robert and Margaret), my brother and sister-in-law (Brandon and Jen) and their two kids (Shepherd and Emma Kate) – may they all, especially the little ones, continue to grow, stay healthy, and know more and more deeply God’s personal love for each of them.

United always in Him,

Sr. Cherise

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A New Front Door

Last week our local community moved into a new house after fourteen years in our dear ranch style home on Oaklawn. Over the years many Apostles called it home and several of us lived there as young women in formation. I personally spent much of my discernment of the community in that house, praying in its sweet little chapel, and seeing for the first time what consecrated life looked like from the inside.

It was a bittersweet parting. On one hand I could feel the excitement of what was new: a new local community (our combination of sisters have never all lived together), a new quantity of sisters (we’ve never been so many in an American house), and all of this in a new home! But of course, as boxes and furniture left through the front door and the house became emptier and emptier, a layer of sadness coated the immense gratitude that filled my heart.

Gratitude was the primary and overwhelming sensation. That house became a home for me long before its keys resided in my purse pocket. In it I experienced a variety of encounters. Firstly, with the Lord who, during my college years, pursued my heart in a way that I had never been pursued before, and slowly but surely conquered it and claimed it as His own. It was also a place of encounter with my neighbor. The different sisters who lived there revealed to me, through their simplicity of life, the beauty and joy of giving one’s whole self to the Lord. The students who visited their home along with me taught me that it’s possible to seek virtue and holiness, all while maintaining a healthy “normalcy”.

But a knot did creep up into my throat as we prayed one last prayer in the chapel and accompanied Jesus to His new home. It was a simple prayer, one of thanksgiving and intercession: for those who had passed through its doors and for those who will come in the future. That it continue to be a place of encounter with the Lord even if in a new way, and that our new home be filled with His presence as this one had been.

Interestingly enough, or perhaps fittingly so, once the Blessed Sacrament was out of the house, I began to move boxes and furniture with more ease. It was as if He preceded us to the new home and was now calling us to follow Him. In fact, His presence was the defining one under that roof. He is the source and center. It was never about that particular sister who lived there (she comes and goes). And it was never about those certain students that came more frequently (their turnover rate remains stable at 4 years). It has always been Him. And it will be His presence that characterizes the new home as well.

There is still a lot of unpacking and organizing to be done. By no means are we “all settled in” but He is here. And so, our little local community comes together as a response to His call and with trust we begin a new adventure ready to create new memories with new sisters and new students, all behind a new front door but in the presence of the same Lord who is as good and as loving as ever.

 

Thanks for all of the memories Oaklawn house: birthdays, Easter lilies, community life, baking kolaches, celebrating victory (KU National Championship), and Night prayer with the students. You will be missed but there are many new memories to come!

 

 

Newsletter Update July 2022

July 20, 2022

Dear Family and Friends!

I am writing to y’all from a new location: Assisi, Italy! This year our community is doing its vacation and planning time here. What a gift to be in such a peaceful place where many a saintly foot has trod! Know that I am holding every one of you in my prayers in each of the special places we are able to visit while here. That said, let’s jump right into our normal newsletter format…

BUT FIRST! I have an important piece of news and life update to share: I have received a new mission and will be moving back to Texas! I will live in our house in College Station and dedicate my time to campus ministry and vocational work in the States. As you can imagine, this will be the overarching theme of the rest of the Newsletter so keep reading to find out more!...

Important Events

- July 1-21 – community time in Assisi with all of the sisters (vacation/planning for the new year)

- July 24-30 – my annual Spiritual Exercises (I will do them again in Loreto, Italy)

- August 1 – I fly to Texas (without a return ticket!!) (and my parents celebrate 35 years of marriage!)

- August 1-8 – family time at home

- August 8 – arrival in College Station to start my new mission

- Late August/early September – move into a bigger house in College Station

- December 7 – third anniversary of my consecration

Story Time

Sometimes, unfortunately, we consecrated people can seem to be immersed in a one-sided relationship. Our Spouse – the Divine Bridegroom – is invisible to the naked eye and so, externally, it would appear that, apart from community activities, we do most things alone: we pray alone, we sleep alone, we rejoice alone, we grieve alone, we succeed and we fail…alone. This can be the impression one has from the outside looking in but what about the vantage point of us consecrated people? How can we fall into this one-sided view of our relationship with the Lord?

I noticed this happening to me recently as I was planning my goodbyes to people here in Italy and making a schedule of my last visits to favorite sites in Rome. As I made out my long detailed list and inserted it into my google calendar, it honestly never occurred to me that Jesus might also have people and places that He wanted to see and to visit with me before my departure. And as I stressed and got frustrated when days passed and didn’t go “perfectly” according to plan, I had no idea what joy He had in store for us.

In those last full weeks in Rome, I finally started to accept that I just wasn’t going to see certain people or places. My “failure” in planning left me with some unexpected “free” moments. Unbeknownst to me, the Lord would soon fill these with encounters that I did not even dare to desire for as much as they were “impossible” – friends who normally live in different countries, continents, and even hemispheres that traveled to Rome in those very days! He organized day trips in which I got to see historic parts of Rome that we usually don’t have tickets for. He even had me “randomly” run into people who I had only seen one other time in my life just to bring to mind a special memory with Him! The experiences I had jam packed into those few days put to shame the measly little schedule I had put so much thought and effort into.

When that last week was finally over and I found myself packed and ready for our month of community time in Assisi before my flight back to Texas, I sat down in awe. The week that I had dreaded for months – the one that I couldn’t decide if I wanted to never have to live or live really fast just to get it over with – that week had been, more than anything else, filled with Him, saturated with His presence: the presence of the Bridegroom who gently and creatively weaved everything together for His beloved bride. It was as if He wanted to ever so softly and yet firmly remind me that He isn’t just a part of those big existential questions of my life but wants to have a say in every little aspect. He has memories, favorite places, and friends too. And He wants to share them with me and be consulted about how we use our time together because our love is not one sided… it goes both ways.

Where is my heart?

So…the month of June was my “goodbye month” in Rome. Needless to say, it was a month of many emotions. As we say in Italian, some days I was more “up” (su) and other days I was more “down” (giù). I learned a lot that month: about myself, about the Lord…about my heart.

At first everything was a bit heavy. I hadn’t started saying my goodbyes yet and the thought of them immediately brought tears to my eyes and a knot to my throat. The temptation was to slip into “nostalgic mode” and mentally list off all that I would no longer do, see, have…once I moved to Texas. This did not help to lift my low spirits. Rather, it pulled me deeper into the heaviness I was already experiencing.

What was the game changer you ask? Living in the present moment. Once I actually started saying my goodbyes, I experienced anew the grace that lives in the here and now. It wasn’t as terrible as I had imagined, and if I didn’t manage to see that person or place I wanted to, the Lord had something else in store.

The pain of saying goodbye to people that have become dear to us – or even to places that have been important for our journey – is normal and healthy. It is a sign that love and goodness existed in those relationships and that the Lord manifested Himself in concrete places. But this pain isn’t meant to be desperate or bitter. Rather, it should bring about hope and be sweet because it is a reminder of God’s goodness and a promise that He will continue to bless us with life-giving relationships and concrete places of encounter with Him.

Once I was able to collocate myself in the present moment, immense gratitude began to blossom in my heart. How great is Your goodness oh God! How much You must love me to give me such good gifts! What ever can I do to thank You, to praise You adequately, for all You have done in my life? What other wonders must You have in store for me in this new adventure?...

And so it is in this place that I now find my heart: settled in the ground of His goodness, overflowing with gratitude and joy. Peace and excitement for what is to come. I make my own the words of the former U.N. Secretary General Dag Hammarskjöld: “For all that has been, Thanks. To all that shall be, Yes!”

Prayer Intentions

- For my Spiritual Exercises: that I may live them with openness to whatever word the Lord wants to speak into my heart.

- For my transition into the new mission and the new community in Texas: for graces of patience in adjusting to a new atmosphere and rhythm of life; as well as trust that God’s will is the “better part” for all who embrace it with joy.

- For the community in Rome that I am leaving and for the sisters who are transitioning from a mission in the States to life in the Eternal City.

- For our work in campus ministry at St. Mary’s Catholic Center; for all of the students, new and returning, and for all of the staff: that the Lord may be generous in encountering each of them where they are at.

- For our young women in formation, for their discernment and journey towards consecration as an Apostle of the Interior Life: Alexa, Kate, Liz, and Laurita.

- For the young women discerning a possible call to Consecrated Life and in particular to our community: that they may be open to God’s invitation and that we may be ready to accompany them in their journey.

Pictures

Enjoying the beautiful sunsets in Assisi



With Laurita after an afternoon of evangelization in St. Peter's Square



With Aunt Sharon and Karin at the Colosseum!



Taking a walk by the Trevi Fountain

Taking a last look at the ancient beginnings of the Eternal City

United always in Him,

Sr. Cherise

 

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Peace Starts Here

After weeks of attention on the Russian-Ukrainian border, I find myself holding my breath every time I open my phone or computer to search for any breaking news updates. With a Russian invasion under way, the military conflict is escalating too quickly for me to stay on top of the latest news.

I’m finding it hard to put into words what is going through my mind and heart. In some ways it all still seems so far away from my daily life: I can still walk around freely outside, meet up with friends, carry on my normal apostolic activities, and return to a warm house where I never lack food or any basic needs. On the other hand, I feel within me that something is different, that I can’t ignore what is going on in the world just because I am not experiencing any direct consequences (…yet).

And this isn’t even the only conflict currently plaguing our all too war torn world. Sure, it happens to be the one in which more countries are involved in some way or another, and as a consequence, it is the one with the most media coverage. But what about conflicts in other parts of the world…those other humanitarian crises that are ongoing with seemingly no end in sight?

All of these reflections have left me feeling helpless and powerless. What can I, a young consecrated American woman living in Rome, Italy, do to help? What has to change about my daily life because of my awareness of these realities? Can I really just keep living as I have been?

In the midst of these questions three little words have been resonating in my heart: peace starts here.

In today’s Gospel we read: “A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks” (Lk 6:45).

Conflicts like the ones existing in our world today are not born overnight. They are a result of a series of choices, a chain of concrete actions, a terrifying and seemingly unstoppable domino effect. What needs changing in our world is not so much a certain ideology or political system – those come and go. It is from the heart that comes forth either good or evil. It is the human person that chooses how to employ the freedom given to him by his Creator. What needs changing – what needs constant conversion – is each single person’s heart.

And so I ask myself: What goodness is stored up in my heart? What evil is housed there instead? Do I harbor positive or negative thoughts about those around me, those with whom I live? Do I tend to carry grudges or have I learned to forgive? What is the “main ingredient” of the fullness of my heart from which my mouth speaks? In a word, do I cultivate peace within me and in my relationships?

Today I feel invited to allow peace to start with me, to make choices that create around me a peaceful environment characterized by dialogue, humility, and forgiveness. I don’t pretend that it will be easy or that I will be “successful”. I know too well my own selfish tendencies and the pride I carry within. But I have to start somewhere at some time and where better than here and now?

Just think, if each one of us takes this verse of the Gospel to heart and sincerely tries to store up goodness in order to sow goodness, how much more goodness would there be in the world as a result? It only takes the conversion of one heart and one concrete action to start a new domino effect…

Peace starts with me. It starts with you. Peace starts here.

May the peace of Christ reign in your hearts. Col 3:15

Newsletter Update December 2021

26 December 2021

Dear Family and Friends!

For what greater grace could God have made to dawn on us than to make his only Son become the son of man, so that a son of man might in his turn become the son of God? Ask if this were merited; ask for its reason, for its justification, and see whether you will find any other answer but sheer grace.

-          St. Augustine

Merry Christmas! It’s been a good little while since I sent an update. I never got around to it this summer and then I kept making excuses until it was time to write my Christmas one. So I will try to update y’all the best that I can on what happened over the last 12 months! It’s been a whirlwind of a year full of surprises, growth, and God’s grace, and I look forward to sharing some of it with you in these few pages...

Important Events

-          February 10, 2021: I turned 28 and my sisters surprised me with a trip to the beach where we played beach volleyball and ate sack lunches. Yes, it was February, but, at that beach, the views are great year round!

-          April 30, 2021: my niece Emma Kate was born. She is such a cutie and never runs out of smiles, to the joy of those around her.

-          May 2021: I attended my last college classes!

-          June 2021: I defended my thesis and graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Theology from the Salesian Pontifical University. A new chapter of life has begun!

-          August 2021: two weeks of community time. After two years and despite the pandemic we were finally all back together again.

-          October 2021: I started new formative meetings with the other young sisters in the early years of their consecration. We call this phase “Antioch” because it is when the early Church started most of its apostolic activities. The goal is to continue to grow in freedom and responsibility.

-          December 8, 2021: I renewed my consecration for the second time. I have officially been consecrated for two years now and with this second anniversary I enter into what the community calls the “General Assembly” – which is a fancy way of saying I have finished my time of introduction and am now held fully responsible for the same rights and duties of all the other consecrated members of the community.

-          December 20, 2021: we formally announced the news of our consolidation of the houses in the USA. As of August 2022 we will have only one house in the States – in College Station, Texas. To read more about this click here à https://www.en.apostlesofil.com/consolidation-update/

Story Time

Since I can remember I’ve always loved to sing…and I am always singing. There was a time in my life, though, when I became more aware of the opinions of others and the “risk” I had to take in singing in front of them. What if I messed up? What if I didn’t sound good? Or what if I was perfect and they just didn’t like my voice? These inner thoughts kept me far away from the microphone for a long time, a part from a few particular situations or circumstances. Ever since I entered into community, however, I have slowly used my voice more and more but still in very “sheltered” and “low-risk” environments in front of small crowds and not all that often. About a year and a half ago, that all changed…

I had recently begun a new apostolate in helping with a young adult group at a parish here in Rome. The pastor at this parish, a very charismatic figure who attracts many young people and is very prepared in ministering to them, had come to the knowledge of my gift for singing. When I still didn’t know him very well I just passed by the open door of a meeting he was having with some parishioners while planning for a Mass in which the Vicar Cardinal of the diocese of Rome (second only to the Pope himself) was to celebrate. As he saw me he called out and I turned as I heard him say “Cherise will sing the psalm at the Mass with the Vicar Cardinal!” …a year and a half later and I’ve lost count of all of the psalms I’ve sang in that parish and at other events (Briana’s consecration, the diaconate ordination of my Salesian classmates, a wedding of some friends of ours…).

What’s more, I even partook in an outdoor concert for the parish to celebrate the summer and to uplift everyone’s spirits after a long year of Covid lockdowns and closures. In this concert I was once again pushed out of my comfort zone because of the boldness of the pastor who, one day before Mass, came up to me and said: “Cherise, let’s sing together in the concert! Let’s sing “The Prayer” by Andrea Bocelli and Celine Dion!” I remained speechless after that request. Celine Dion? My idol? The singer I’ve been dreaming of sounding like since I was a little girl? The artist of the CD I would listen to over and over again on my portable CD player in my room as I imagined myself on a stage with that kind of power in my voice?... I was tempted to try to get out of it but there was no escaping it and, secretly, I really wanted to give it a try. After much practicing and with my heart pounding out of my chest, I took the small, portable stage that warm June evening. Before me I could only make out the silhouettes of those seated in the plastic chairs set up on the outdoor basketball court. The stage lights were blinding and the music carried throughout the entire neighborhood as local residents peered out from their balconies to see its source. It was my turn to sing, I took a deep breath and prayed for the grace to enjoy the realization of a dream held for as long as I could remember. As I sang into the microphone I heard my voice soar out to fill every space the sound could reach. In the beginning it was shaky and matched the rapid beating of my heart, but as I continued to enter into the song I relaxed, thought less, and just sang. By the applause of the crowd (and the amount of times the video was shared by my parents), I’d say that we did pretty good.

What am I trying to share with y’all? I want to share with y’all my rediscovery, remembering, of the goodness of God who, yes, asks us to leave things but, if they are for our good and make us truly happy, He gives them back, in abundance and covered in His grace. I had “left” singing for selfish reasons (fear of failure and rejection) but also, in order to follow the Lord. I didn’t think my Vocation had room for singing in a non-religious way. And yet, in the moment that I took the stage to sing a Celine Dion song (albeit called “The Prayer” and as a duet with a priest) I felt the Lord blessing the use of my gift and validating my desire to live, in a small way, my dream of being on a stage and receiving an applause. I felt Him saying to me: if lived with Me and for My glory, you have to use that gift! It is not a question of “if” but “when” – and your (our) time is now. Go for it. I am with you.

Psalms remain my favorite genre of music and context in which to sing. I still get nervous (even if less so now) and I always feel like I forget everything right before the music begins to play (when it all comes back). There is something so freeing and beautiful about hearing my voice sing the words of a psalm prayed by unthinkable numbers of people, inspired by the Holy Spirit, and prayed (and, in the Hebrew tradition, certainly sung) by the Lord Jesus Himself. My favorite compliments are those in which someone tells me that my singing helped them to pray, to enter into the Word of God. It is a very humbling compliment because it often comes after one of those psalms in which I was more concentrated on myself and my performance than on “praying” the words that I sung. I continue to ask the Lord the grace to let go of myself and cling to Him and His glory when I sing, allowing myself to be an instrument of His beauty and goodness.  

Where is my heart?          

This year is a transitional year for me. Although my consecration was in 2019, until I finished school, I didn’t feel like I had fully entered into the phase after formation. After graduating, I sensed that I was headed into something new and unknown: life after my studies, no longer under the title of “student”. This was something terrifyingly new to me and extremely exciting! And I couldn’t imagine what it would be like until I started living it.

The hardest thing so far has been to find a daily rhythm. I thought I was more self-disciplined than I am turning out to be. I had always had something or someone outside of me giving structure to my day and now I find that, for the most part, it is I who must do so. And turns out…this is not so simple. I’ve made several attempts at daily agendas and calendars but have yet to find something I can manage to stay faithful to. Thankfully there is a rhythm of life as an Apostle, in prayer, community life, and certain apostolic commitments, that does give me some structure to then build on, and so I am not completely without hope.

On the other end, I do still feel a freshness and enthusiasm for all that is new in this phase of life post-studies. I am discovering knew things of myself or confirming that which I already know but am now experiencing in new contexts. I am exercising my responsibility muscles – which at times leave me really sore (if you get my analogy). And I feel like, at 28, I am finally living more fully as an adult. At the same time God the Father is constantly reminding me: return to being daughter. You are an adult but you are my adult daughter. Never forget who is really in control. This is a very useful reminder because, as God the Father knows all too well, my “adult mode” has made me more anxious and control hungry. I tend to pick up all of the weight and think that, the adult that I am should know how to handle things herself.

In the end, my heart is tempted towards discouragement but remarkably hopeful. Even on the days in which, by my own free will and lack of discipline, my planned agenda was thrown out of the window, I know that a new day awaits me with new mercies and new graces. If I can just focus on the present moment, on living here, now…I think I will be just fine.          

Prayer Intentions

-          Please pray that I may continue to grow in the use of my voice in service to the Lord and that I will increase in humility, forgetting myself more and more.

-          Pray also for my daily life, that I find a rhythm in which I can fully express my being an Apostle in this early phase of consecration.

-          Pray for an end to the pandemic, for all of those effected directly or indirectly, and for a greater political unity in fighting Covid-19.

-          Pray for yourself, for the graces you most need and desire, for the realization of the dreams you’ve had since a child and for the openness of heart to allow God to grant the wishes you’ve left long behind you.

Pictures

New family photo with Shepherd and Emma Kate!

Singing "The Prayer" with don Andrea.

All of my sisters at my graduation!

Singing the Psalm at my Salesian classmates' diaconate ordination.

United always in Him,

Sr. Cherise 

*to be added to this email list serve email me at: cheriseklekar@gmail.com

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