Behind the Liturgy: The Dress

As mentioned in a previous post, our community lives off of God’s Divine Providence. This means that the goods we have – the food on our table and the clothes on our backs – are all thanks to the Good Father who works through the generosity of others to provide for us. You can imagine then that, since our community doesn’t have a habit, I was kind of nervous at the idea of having to find an appropriate dress for my vows. In the past God has provided in different ways for this moment. Some sisters have put together an outfit from clothes already in their closet, others have received it as a gift from their family, and one even received a dress “in providence” (meaning that it literally arrived in a bag of clothes left at our doorstep) in the year leading up to her vow ceremony.

For me, God chose to work in a particular way through my parents. Both my mom and dad desired to not only pay for the dress but also to spend the time looking for it with me. This is quite virtuous, since they, better than anyone, know how hard I can be to shop with. (Let’s just say that it’s not exactly my favorite pastime.) But because of them, I now have a dress and I want to share with you my adventure in finding it…

I find the phenomenon of the wedding dress search to be quite fascinating. Perhaps this is so only because I just recently found myself living these dynamics in my own search for a vows dress. And, as many movies, bridal magazines, and countless bridal stores that never go out of business attest to, the search basically all comes down to one little criteria: it has to be perfect. Easy enough right? 

"Perfect" is a daunting word, especially when it's your only style preference, but it somehow works in the wedding dress industry. I mean, it really is as if the bride just knows. Maybe she'll have to try on a dozen dresses or go to a dozen stores (like me) but when she puts it on and sees herself in the mirror, it's like she just feels it or something and knows it's the one. 

But why is this part so important for the bride? Why does it really matter so much what she wears? Ever ask yourself these questions? Probably not because it is so ingrained in our culture (in many societies really) that no one questions it. They just know it to be true. 

For me, the only time I started considering this question, and its possible answers, was when it was finally my turn. As my search, which even had an online phase, continued on without finding "the one" I began to ask myself: Cherise, why does it matter so much to you what your dress is like that day? I even had the audacity to try to convince myself that my vows day was less important than a wedding day and therefore it was nonsense to fret over the dress. Which is ridiculous, by the way, because my vows day is the day I become the bride of Christ, therefore it's like a wedding day and so of course it is as important. 

(And just for the record: I do think it's nonsense to lose peace or sleep over a dress whether it be for a wedding day or a day of consecration. But I also believe it's not good to lose peace or sleep over pretty much anything unless there's a Holy Spirit led conversion of heart going on.)

So what, you ask, was my conclusion to this pondering? Why is it justifiable to think that my vows dress should be "perfect"? 

I'd like to preface my answer with one ulterior reflection on the wedding dress search. 

Who does the bride usually invite shopping with her: mom and dad (or at least mom), other important women in her life, her closest friends, and, perhaps, even her future mother-in-law. She might be willing to share pictures of it with those who couldn't come along to know what they think or to see their smile as they imagine her in it. But who is the one person whose opinion really matters? It's the same person with whom she cannot confront about the dress: the bridegroom. 

For the bride, turning the heads of everyone in the church means nothing if the groom is not the first to acknowledge her beauty. Many brides would probably sacrifice every compliment they received that day just to experience one more time the look on the groom's face when they first entered into view. You see, I agree with Katherine Heigl's character Jane in the 2008 romantic comedy "27 Dresses" as she speaks about that moment: You know how the bride makes her entrance and everybody turns to look at her? That’s when I look at the groom. Cause his face says it all you know? The pure love there.

Love. The bride wants to look perfect for love. And the bride is only able to achieve the "perfect" look because of love. 

She's not worried about the fact that her one criteria for the dress is that it be "perfect", and neither are we worried for her. We know that she will find the perfect one and that she will be beautiful. And we know this because "perfect", in this case, is the dress that makes her feel most herself and brings out in her the woman that her bridegroom is so utterly in love with. And when he sees her, when he sees the woman he loves and desires to give himself completely to, his face truly will say it all and everyone in the church will know that, for him, she is perfect. And this is why we, like Jane, after seeing the bride all dressed up in the one gown that gave her that mysterious but certain "feeling", steal a quick glance back at the groom to see his reaction. 

And so yes, the dress, be it for a wedding or a consecration, is important. Not for the sake of worldly beauty that the Book of Proverbs wisely reminds us is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30), but for the sake of the beauty of pure love. The dress plays a key role in that moment when everyone in the church, if just for a short time, is invited into a most intimate exchange of gazes between lovers and is reminded that pure love lies at the deepest roots of the human heart's greatest desires. 

And when I take those first steps down the aisle on the day of my consecration, I hope that everyone who looks at me does so only long enough to desire to see the Bridegroom, to seek His face, to wonder at the love overflowing from His gaze. I hope that any worldly beauty they see in me is recognized as just a mere reflection of a deeper interior beauty born and cultivated by the love of the One who awaits my total "yes" at the altar. And my sincere prayer is for everyone who, in that moment, asks themselves if there is a love like that out there for them; if there is a joy like that in this life for them. The answer is a resounding "yes". That love and joy is found in the same Bridegroom who never ceases to call His beloved, to call you: Come. 

You didn't actually think I'd put a photo of my dress on the internet before my vows did you? 

A thank you goes out to all who helped and supported me in my vows dress search: Mom and Dad (who bought it), my sister-in-law Jen, Aunt Sharon, my sisters in community especially Tatum and Catherine who came with me, Mother Mary - whose intercession was undoubtedly influential - and countless others who suggested websites, stores, and always reminded me that Jesus had a better dress in mind than the one that didn't work out. Y'all were right.